Forgive Me

One more concert ended, under the resounding applause from the crowd.
The five musicians left the stage and headed to their dressing rooms.
Their life has been just like this, for ten months. They had first made these five concerts scheduled by Larry, and without understanding what was happening to them, they had also started a tour. In the U.S, for now, but Larry was already thinking of Europe: Italy, France, Germany, Denmark ... It seemed crazy to them. But hey, it's not like they were going to complain.

They were doing what they loved: playing music, singing, interacting with the public, and communicating ideas and emotions.

Despite all this crazy adventure, and the habit they had to play almost every night, Brian's attitude at the end of the concert had not changed. He still morphed in an unhappy and thoughtful man, far away from the cocky and proud Synyster Gates.
The only difference is that before, Brian's face reflected fear and concern, once he would have left the scene. Now, instead of concern, despair is set on his face (although its expression is broadly neutral) and a blank stare took possession of the guitarist's face.

That night was no exception to the custom, and Brian went directly to settle on the couch bus, immersing himself in his melancholy thoughts.

Zack was rather excited. He was satisfied with the concert that the band had just given, and was eager to meet fans backstage.
The rest of the band adhered much to this idea too, except Brian, of course.

The lead guitarist preferred to remain alone, because he was not in the mood to go smiling hypocritically to all those sluts who would scream they loved him, and other bullshit.

These idiots had no idea what it was to truly love someone.
To love someone is to watch this person die in your arms, but you can't try to bring her back to life, you wouldn't dare to do that, because you love her too much to watch her suffer again and again.

Yeah, sure, it was not quite the same definition as those of the brainless whores, who simply wanted to fuck him in a one-time thing.

It has now been ten months since Elise had lost her fight against this still rare and unknown disease.
Brian hadn't stopped thinking about her during all these months. Even if he had promised to continue living, to be strong for her, even if his imposing stature could suggest that he was strong and that nothing could reach it, Brian had never been so unhappy before.

He felt as if someone had stolen a part of himself, as if he lacked an essential part of ...life.
He felt lonely ... and fragile.
He had lost his bearings, since his only reference point was Elise. But Elise was gone, and she never would here anymore.

He could never hold her in his arms again , or breath the sweet smell of her hair. He would never hear her laugh again or see her smile on her pretty mouth, and her eyes sparkling with life.
It was sad to say, but he had never known a woman so strong before meeting Elise. He had never known someone so down to earth, so alive ... in fact.

Her death had brought a massive void in Brian's life.

His parents, his friends, the other members of the band, everyone ... they all had said he had to move on, he had to find a new girlfriend who would love him, and with who he would be happy.

But, as silly or cheesy as it sounds, he never imagined he could be happy with another woman than Elise.
Elise was the love of his life, and the fate he taken her from him.

He was young; he was only twenty-five years, after all. But.... what would he do all these years without her?
Certainly, his life was filled with music, guitar playing, the band, meeting fans ... He couldn’t live without music. But he could not fall in love with “music” though.

Nevertheless, he was ready to spend the rest of his life alone, to stay faithful to the memory of Elise. He had never cheated on her. The idea had never crossed my mind, and it was not because Elise was now dead that things would change.

Usually, Brian agreed to come and meet the fans. The poor fans, they had nothing to do with this misfortune that haunted his life, and then they had that right to meet him and everything. Without them, the band would be nothing, and without them he wouldn't be the infamous Synyster Gates.... But tonight, he was in a really bad mood, and didn't want to play this role anymore.

He spoke to Matt and the rest of the group about this, knowing that they would be kinda mad at him, or something like this.
But instead, they all nodded, giving him an implicit form of understanding and acknowledgment.
Brian sent them a smile of gratitude in return.

"It's normal, man. Go get rest. We'll tell the fans that you are sick, or something ...", Matt assured.

The singer, Johnny, Zack and Arin went out of the bus, while Brian sat himself deeper in the sofa.

His thoughts returned his dead wife, but he quickly fell asleep, and probably dreamed about all the good times he shared with Elise, than were now only sweet memories ...