This Is Torturous

“Are you excited?” My sister, Clover, asked as I helped her decorate her living room with Christmas decorations.

It was the twentieth and Clover decided she wanted more decorations than what she had put up already, and asked for my help. I wasn't exactly the most decorative person, but both of our other sisters lived across the country now, so I was her only hope.

It was the first year we would be celebrating at her new home she shared with her new husband. The whole family was coming over just like they did every year, except rather than going to our parents', they would be gathering at Clover and Jordan's newly bought house.

“For Christmas? Yeah, I am. This year is going to be so much better than last year.”

She laughed as she untangled a string of garland, “No, Silly, are you excited to see John?”

An instant smile appeared on my lips at the mention of my boyfriend. I hadn't seen him in three weeks thanks to the winter tour The Maine were on to present their new album “Pioneer.” I was so proud of them for getting the album out after being rejected countless times by their record label. There were countless nights where John and I lay in bed and he felt like giving up. These were the moments I'd seen him at his weakest and most vulnerable. He never gave up. They never gave up. And it was an amazing result that had been on repeat since he gave me a burned copy when they got the final mixes back.

“Wow, it's been a year and you still act the same way whenever someone brings him up, Sparrow. Get married already, would ya?” She joked.

I stopped organizing everything on her kitchen table and looked at her. She didn't look at me, just continued untangling garland and chuckled to herself. She knew I was getting tired of the marriage comments, but continued to spout them off when she could.

Nothing more was said about marriage as we went back to singing along to She & Him's Christmas album playing on the record player.

By the time I got back to my apartment after having dinner with Clover and Jordan, I was unusually tired. It must've been the fact that it was getting dark earlier and earlier as the days passed. John usually called every night after they were on the road, so I had to wait a few hours until that time came. It wasn't as if I was waiting by the phone for him, though. I just wanted to talk to him.

To pass the time, I decided to finish wrapping the presents I had gotten everyone. There wasn't a tree in my living room because I was waiting for John to get back into town so we could do it together. So, while I waited for that, I kept the presents in my closet.

As soon as I brought all of the supplies into the living room and sat down on my couch, my front door opened and in walked my gay best friend, Ryder. “Hey, Bitch.” He greeted as he unravelled his circle scarf after shutting the door. His eyes brightened as soon as he realized what I was doing, “Oow, presents!”

I snorted, “I already wrapped yours.” I said as I pressed play on my stereo remote. Ryder gave me a look as soon as he realized what CD I had put on.

“God, aren't you sick of this album, yet?” He asked then collapsed in the love seat. I gave him an “are-you-serious?” look and he sighed, “Your boyfriend does have a pretty good voice.”

“So,” I said, getting a roll of wrapping paper and spreading it out on my coffee table, “what brings you to my humble abode?”

He knocked his bony knees together boredly and sighed again, “Well, I thought since there's only, like, two more nights before loverboy gets home, I decided I'd come stay the night with my best friend like old times. Who knows when I'll be able to go it again since you and loverboy are shacking up together.”

I rolled my eyes, “Ryder, we've been living together since April and half the time he's not even here. You lived with me practically the whole time they were on tour with Taking Back Sunday.”

“Well, he was home all summer and I couldn't then!”

I knew he was legitimately upset over John and I moving in together, but I couldn't help it. I had pitched the idea to John as soon as The Maine got back from their world tour in April and he instantly agreed. So, one weekend, the guys helped him move his stuff out of his parents' house and into my apartment.

At first, it was difficult to find room for his clothes in my overly crowded closet, but we made it work. I enjoyed having him there when he was home and he was shockingly clean.

“I don't think John will mind if you spend the night with us. We're all skinny enough to sleep comfortably in that bed.” I snickered, beginning the wrapping on the MARC by Marc Jacobs wallet I had bought for Winter.

Ryder did not find my humor amusing at all. He was giving me one of his infamous death glares that he seemed to give me often. “Yeah, and wake up to you two fucking? No, thanks.”

I roared with laugher, “Oh, shut up. We would not gave sex with you lying right next to us.”

He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, “You've had sex everywhere else! I wouldn't be surprised if it actually happened.”

“Stop whining, Ryder, or I'll take back your present.” I threatened as I pressed a bow on top of the small gift.

Ryder sighed exasperatedly, “I miss the Sparrow that was lonely and not getting any; she liked me.”

As I threw the gift off to the side, I rolled my eyes, “Nice to know my happiness saddens you, Ry.”

By the time I was done wrapping all of the gifts and Ryder had settled into watching a marathon of New Girl on my On Demand, it was nearing 9:45. I had been texting John off and on for the last half hour since their meet and greet ended. We had agreed on a Skype chat as soon as they got to the hotel in Cleveland. Ryder was going to be upset, but I wasn't worried about that at all. I was just anxious to see my boyfriend.

It was just ten when I got the text from my beloved, letting me know he was all set up. A smile immediately found its way to my face and I jumped up. Ryder instantly perked up, “Where are you going?” He asked.

“John has internet and wants to Skype.” My best friend threw his head back against the arm rest and groaned. “I haven't seen him in three weeks, Ryder.”

His eyebrow rose, “And you're going to go on Skype looking like that?”

Looking down at my apparel, I shrugged. I was in a pair of pajama pants and one of John's weird shirts. My hair was up in a sloppy top knot and there wasn't a drop of makeup on my face. “You're aware I live with the guy, right? He sees me like this all the time.”

“Don't remind me.” He waved me off.

As I began walking to my room, the sound on my TV got increasingly louder. I stopped and turned back to him, “Ryder!” I yelled and he turned his head to look at me again, “Turn it down.”

“I don't want to hear you guys' weird webcam sex.” He turned back to Zooey Deschanel on the screen while I rolled my eyes at him and continued on into my room.

John looked exhausted when our call connected. He was leaning back against a tower of white hotel pillows, wearing a black long sleeve henley. His hair was unkempt and he needed to shave. As soon as he saw me, though, he smiled, “Well, don't you look cute tonight.”

I cocked my head to the side and gave him a wide smile, “I tried just for you.”

He laughed, “I see you're wearing my shirt. Thanks for taking care of my clothes while I'm gone.”

I shrugged, “They were looking lonely hanging there untouched. I was just doing them a favor.”

He laughed again, “I'm sure they appreciate it.”

I nodded, “So, how was the show?'

He nodded this time, “It was fun. It's getting exhausting playing for so long every night, but so worth it.”

“You only live once! You gotta grab live by the hair and fuck it real nice.”

He was trying not to laugh, I could tell, “What?!”

“You gotta fuck life nice and slow, Man.” To go with my advice, I mimed slapping an imaginary ass in front of me.

“Oh my God, my girlfriend has gone thug on me.” He laughed in shock.

I nodded my best “thug” nod, “Yeeuh.”

He was cracking up now, “Please, never do that again.”

“I'm a changed woman now, John. I've seen some shit that can't be unseen and done some shit that I can't talk about even if I wanted to. I be straight thuggin' up in hurr.”

He sighed quietly, “I miss you so much.” He admitted with a loving smile.

“I miss you, too.” I responded with a smile.

“When I get home, we're not leaving until Christmas.”

I chuckled, “That leaves us with like a day, if that.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, “Fine, the week between Christmas and New Years? We are doing nothing.”

“I can think of something we can do.” I said suggestively.

“Well obviously.” I shook my head with a laugh. “Just you and me, Ladybird.”

“I wouldn't have it any other way.”