This Is Torturous

“I'm so upset that you got to see John yesterday.” I whined to my second oldest sister, Winter, two days later after her, her husband, Milo, and their eleven-month-old daughter, Archer, settled in at our parents' house. They had been living in Chicago since March and that just so happened to be the last show The Maine were playing on their tour. My sister and her husband decided to go to show their support. I happened to be completely jealous.

Winter laughed at my agony, “You'll see him tomorrow!” She exclaimed, setting Archer's home made pink leopard blanket down in the playpen my mother bought for the occasion.

“But I miss him!” I whined childishly.

Winter ignored me and continued putting the blankets down. Archer was being passed around the family downstairs with Milo, and under any other circumstances, I would be down there right with them, but I couldn't help but bombard Winter.

“Was the show good?” I asked as soon as she turned back to the suitcase sitting on the bed.

She looked at me in amusement. “It was fantastic. They all played lovely. John even told the crowd that he was on his best behavior because there were important people in the crowd he needed to impress.”

I felt my gut fill with butterflies, “Was he?” I questioned.

“Yes, he was. He only had one drink all night that I saw.”

I rolled my eyes, “I'm not keeping tabs on his drinking, Win.”

She shrugged, “I just thought you'd like to know he wasn't drunk when we saw him after because he wanted to respect you.” She unpacked a light pink chiffon dress from her suitcase and hung it up in the closet next to the in-suite bathroom. Not until I saw it hanging there did I notice it was the one I designed for Winter's shop I ran.

“Nice dress.” I smirked when she walked back over.

She looked over her shoulder at it then back to me, “It's pretty awesome, huh?” I smiled a chuckle and let her continue to unpack.

Winter grabbed her traveling toiletry bag full of every cosmetic tool she would need for her stay and moved it into the bathroom. I could see her from my spot on the queen sized bed, unpacking her curling wand, straightener, hair spray, mousse, and other hair products.

“Did he look tired?” I asked.

Her brow furrowed, confused about who I was speaking of. She turned to look at me. Realization suddenly crossed her features and she turned back to her bag. With a shrug, she pulled out her Betsey Johnson makeup bag, “Yeah, I guess. But that's expected; he's been nonstop for a month now, right?”

I nodded, “They played three shows in California, came home for Thanksgiving, drove back out to LA to film a music video, came back, flew to South America for a week, then flew to Texas to finish the Pioneer tour.”

Winter shook her head in disbelief, picking up the bag and moving it into the closet, “His poor body. I bet he's exhausted.”

I nodded sadly, “He says he's used to it, but I know he's going to immediately pass out when he gets home.”

Winter smirked, “I can't believe you're actually living with a boy.”

I rolled my eyes, “It's not that difficult to comprehend.”

She shook her head with a laugh then picked up her Louis Vuitton luggage and moved it over to the floor of the closet. “How is it? Living with him, I mean.” She asked when she walked back out from the walk-in-closet.

I shrugged, “I'm used to it now. I mean, he wasn't home much this fall, but it's easy when he's home. He's neat, doesn't argue often – or at all, really – and let's me do my own thing. We're like an old married couple already.”

She smirked again, settling into the bed, “Do I hear wedding bells soon?”

I sighed. When was everyone going to knock off the wedding talk? “No. Don't get me wrong, I would love to marry him, but I'm only twenty two and he's twenty three. He definitely isn't ready to settle down completely and I'm not either. Plus, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm going to be with him forever.” She smiled, “What?” I asked, weirded out by her creepy smile.

Suddenly, she lunged at me and threw her arms around my neck “I just can't believe you're growing up! You're in love, Sparrow! You finally found yourself a good one.”

I scoffed as I tried to breathe from her death grip, “You're aware it's almost been a year, right?”

She nodded, untangling herself from me, “But I haven't seen you in so long, and I haven't gotten to hear you talk about him in a long time.”

I shook my head with a smile, “You're ridiculous.” Just then, my phone began ringing. My ringtone “Thinking of You” by The Maine let me know it was the man on topic, “Speaking of the devil.” I smiled.

“Awh! Look at how happy you are! And that song! Ugh, I knew he wrote it for you.”

I rolled my eyes with a laugh as I tapped “Answer” and pressed the phone to my ear. Still chuckling, I answered, “Hello?”

“Hey, what's so funny?”

I smiled at the sound of his voice, “Oh, just Winter being ridiculous.”

“That's totally not fair that she gets to see you before I do when we left before her.”

I laughed, “That's exactly what I said!” I exclaimed, “Don't tell her, but I'd rather it be you than her.” I smiled at my sister's offended face.

“Hey!” She yelled and I laughed.

“I wish I was there.”

I frowned, “Well, where are you?”

He sighed, “We stopped in Tulsa to grab dinner.”

I pouted, “You're barely in Oklahoma?”

He sighed again, sadly this time, “We've been nonstop driving since we left last night. We're all exhausted and just want to get home. I hate that I'm missing our first Christmas as a couple.”

I got up from the bed and silently made it out into the hall, away from Winter, so we could talk in private. “You're not missing Christmas! It's only the 22nd. You'll be home tomorrow. We'll get our tree and decorate the apartment together and drink hot chocolate while watching Elf just like we planned.”

I heard him chuckle, “You hate Will Ferrel, though.”

I smirked, “But I love Zooey Deschanel.”

He sighed once more, “We'll be home sometime in the morning, Ladybird.”

I smiled softly, “Okay. I'm picking you up from Pat's right?”

Through a yawn, he confirmed my question, “I'll call you when we're getting into town.”

“Okay. Try and get some sleep when you're done with dinner.”

“Yes, Dear.” I could tell he was smirking by the sound of his voice. “And play me back on Words with Friends, would you?”

I laughed, “Why when I know you're just going to kick my ass?”

He laughed, “I just know how to work the board.”

I rolled my eyes with a smile, “Whatever you say.”

“All right, I should go eat. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” We said our goodbyes and that was that.

It upset me that he was upset about how late into the month it was, and he still wasn't home. I was positive he was only upset because he thought I was upset. Sure I was sad, but I wasn't moping around because he wasn't home. It was his job and how could I be upset with that?

I got the call around eight in the morning. He told me I had about twenty minutes until they got to the Kirch residence. This gave me enough time to brush my teeth, throw my hair up into a bun along with a circle scarf around my neck, pull my gray sugar skull The Maine sweatshirt, and a leather jacket.

By the time I pulled on a pair of socks and my old Converse, I had five minutes to get there. I chuckled when I got in my car. I was late to everything.

The whole band was outside, unloading the trailer into the Kirch's garage when my Jeep pulled up ten minutes late. My eyes searched, but they couldn't find my boyfriend. I saw his suitcase sitting on the sidewalk next to two guitar cases, but no John.

“Hey, Sparrow.” Garrett smiled tiredly at me when I approached him.

My teeth were chattering and my arms were wrapped around myself for warmth, “Hey, Gare.” I smiled then hugged him quickly, “Where's John?” I asked when we pulled away.

“He walked inside to pee literally when you pulled up.”

My legs were shaking to produce warmth throughout my body, “Figures.” We laughed.

“Hey, Sparrow!” Jared greeted as he walked up. He immediately gave me a hug which I returned, “Is your car unlocked?” He asked to which I nodded, “Can you pop the trunk?” I pulled my keys out and pressed the trunk button, “I hope it's okay if you give me a ride home. John kept forgetting to ask you. Lauren had to work the early shift today.”

I waved him off, “It's totally cool, Jared.” He smiled at me then moved to grab his guitars to lay in my trunk.

Kennedy came over and hugged me once Jared was by my car. Pat followed soon after. “John must be taking a shit or something.” Pat laughed.

I smirked, “Better your bathroom than mine.” Kennedy and Garrett cracked up and Pat narrowed his eyes at me. Just then, the garage door that led into the house slammed shut and out walked my beloved. Eating a Christmas cookie. Of course. His green eyes lifted from the treat and met mine. His face brightened and my gut filled with butterflies.

A smile stretched across my lips, “Hey, good lookin'.” I called out to him then met him at the end of the driveway and wrapped my arms around his middle.

“Hey, Ladybird,” He said into my hair as he pulled my body close to his. Both of his arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders and didn't show signs of loosening anytime soon. I placed a kiss on his collarbone right on his “unus” tattoo. His lips pressed into the side of my head. We were being lovely, and usually the guys would call us out on it, but I think they knew not to right after tour.

I tried to pull away, so we could finish unloading and go home, but John wasn't having it, “Oh, no. Not yet.” He said then pulled me back into his chest.

I laughed, “Come on, Babe. You need to help finish unloading so we can go home.”

He shook his head, “I haven't seen you – held you – in three weeks. Give me one more minute.” His hand cradled the back of my head as we stood in silence. Finally, he let me go, but just as I went to pull away fully, he swooped down and placed a quick kiss to my lips. His lips tasted like super which left the taste on mine.

I smiled up at him, “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

It took another ten minutes before we were on the way to drop Jared off. John's left hand held onto my right on the middle console as I drove. I was never a good driver when I only used my left hand, but I wasn't complaining.

Jared sat in the middle seat of my backseat and started telling me stories of the tour. John chimed in every now and again, but I knew he was tired and just wanted to go home and sleep. When we pulled up to the house Jared shared with Lauren, Jared thanked me then got out. Once my trunk was shut and Jared was safely inside his home, I pulled away from the curb.

“Just you and me now, Babe.” I said and John gave my hand a squeeze.

“Let's go get our tree.”

My brow furrowed, “John, you're about to pass out.”

He shrugged, “We might as well get it now since we're out.” I shot him a look to which he gave me one right back.

It took a whole thirty minutes to get a tree, get a stand put on it, and get it strapped down to the top of my Jeep. It took another half hour to drive home and get it set up in the living room. I kept having Jon turn it left and right, trying to get it in the right spot. Sadly, there wasn't a “right” spot. There were gaps in the branches and the bristles were already browning.

“It's ugly.” John finally said as we admired it.

I laughed, “Shut up. What did you expect for a tree the day before Christmas Eve?” He let out a sigh as he collapsed onto the couch. It wasn't long before his eyes slipped closed. “Come on, let's go sleep in our bed.” I suggested as I tugged on his hand.

A smile spread across his lips and his eyes opened, “I love when you refer to it as “our bed.” Or “our room.””

I chuckled, “Why?”

He shrugged, “It makes it all more real.” He got up and grabbed my hand, “I love you.” He said.

“I love you, too. Now let's get you in bed before you start getting delirious.”

He laughed, “I think I'm already there, Babe.” I shot him a smile over my shoulder and continued dragging him to our room.

Once in the room, John unlatched his hand from mine to pull off his high top Converse. As he did this, I pulled mine off as well. When I got my jacket and scarf off, he smirked, “Nice sweater.”

I looked down at the piece of merch then back up at him, “It's a nice sweater. And very cute. You guys did well.” He pulled off his jacket then his sweater. All the while, I was getting back into our unmade bed. I burrowed into the warm sheets and down comforter.

As soon as my body relaxed, I felt my eyes start to droop. Trying with all my might to keep them open, I watched John get ready for bed. He ended up in a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt. A smile spread across my lips as I heard him groan while getting into the sheets, “I've missed this bed.” He sighed as his arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me into his chest. Our legs instantly tangled and all I could hear was his deep breathing and steady heartbeat. I had missed the sound.

When I woke up a few hours later, John had snuggled into my neck like he usually did when we were sleeping. His breath hit my collarbone in warm, even puffs every few seconds. His arms were wrapped around my middle like a child clutching his mother, begging her not to leave, like I would leave during the hours he was asleep.

It never got old waking up like that.

Realizing I wouldn't be moving much any time soon, I rolled back slightly to reach for the TV remote on the nightstand. I had a week's worth of Conan to watch. John was a pretty heavy sleeper, so he didn't even stir when I adjusted ever so slightly so I could see the TV, or when a loud explosion of Grouplove's “Colours” erupted from the speakers when I turned it on. I had been listening to Arcade Fire's “Month of May” on DirecTV's alternative channel loudly right before I left and had forgotten to turn it down before turning it off.

Once I lowered the volume to an acceptable level, I turned on Monday night's show. I usually watched the episodes before I fell asleep, but I had been so exhausted from work all week that I would immediately pass out right when I turned it on.

Half way through the second episode, John woke up. With eyes still closed, he mumbled “Are you seriously watching Conan right now?”

My attention all of a sudden wasn't on the lanky redhead, but instead on the lanky brunette cuddled up next to me. My fingers stopped threading through his hair as I looked down at him.

“No, don't stop, please.” I chuckled then started playing with his hair again.

“I haven't had time to watch it all week.”

He smirked, eyes still closed and body unmoving, “If The Maine ever played his show, I think you would probably have a heart attack.”

I laughed, “No, I'd shit myself then have a heart attack.”

He laughed, “Lovely.” His arms unwound and he lifted himself up, only to collapse again with a grown, “I'm so exhausted.”

Pausing Conan, I sat up, “I don't doubt it.” I twisted my body to crack my back. Finally, John lifted his head and looked at me. He looked completely worn out with dark circles under his eyes, “We're not doing anything today, are we?”

I shook my head, “Your parents probably want to see you.”

He groaned then literally rolled out of bed and into a crouched position before standing up and cracking his back. His eyes fell on the clock, “It's already two?”

I nodded, “You were out for a long time.”

He lazily trudged himself into the bathroom, “I'm probably going to take a shower right now.”

“'Kay.” I said before lying back down and unpausing the TV.

In the time it took him to shower, I had received a phone call from Clover, asking me where I was and what I was doing. Our other sister, Ryver, was staying at Clover's house while she was in town for the holidays. She resided in New York, working for a big advertising agency.

My phone was still pressed to my ear when John emerged from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, wrapped in only a towel. He smirked at my gawking and moved into the closet to retrieve an outfit.

“Sparrow!” My sister yelled into the receiver.

Jumping, I focused back on the phone call, “What?”

“She brought a guy home.”

My brow furrowed, “A guy?” What about Jenn?” Jenn was Ryver's girlfriend. They had been together since they were nineteen. Jenn had followed Ryver to New York so they could be together.

“I don't know!” She whispered harshly into the receiver. I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was trying to hide from our sister. Knowing Clover, she was probably hiding out in her walk-in-closet.

“Well, maybe he's just a friend?”

“Sparrow, how many “friends” go home with each other at Christmas?”

Growing frustrated, I groaned, “I don't know! Why don't you ask her?”

John walked over to the edge of the bed then. I looked up and smiled at him. He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a red plain flannel, unbuttoned.

“No! You know how awkward I am! You do it!”

John leaned on the mattress and pressed his face into my neck, placing a kiss right below my ear. I squirmed, trying to stop him, but he only chuckled at my discomfort.

“How did she introduce him to you?” I asked, twitching as John began sucking on my neck. Lifting my shoulder, I tried to close off the area.

“She said “this is my friend Joshua” and that was that.”

I moved altogether, trying to get away from my boyfriend. He just followed me and pinned me down on the mattress with a smirk. He trailed up my neck and back to right below my ear. This time, I leaned the opposite direction to give him more access. Clover was blabbing about something, but I wasn't paying much attention.

“Sparrow!”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing? Why aren't you listening?” That's when John's hand went behind my back and unclasped my bra.

“I-I'm sorry, Clo. I have to go.” I stumbled over my words, not even giving her time to respond. Tossing my phone aside, I roughly brought John's face to mine and smashed our lips together, sliding his flannel off in the process.