The Plan

It was chilly outside. The sun was hitting the middle of the sky but the rays missed my body by inches. I was chain smoking. It was eight in the morning and I’d already smoked ten cigarettes. I was chain smoking because I was anxious.

I was anxious because I was in New York.

My hair was no longer purple but instead a dirty blonde. My nose ring was replaced with a stud, which wasn’t easy to do in a moving van. I’d switched my normal tour clothes for jeans and a t-shirt. The train back to my hometown was leaving at 11.

“Slow down Smoky, you’ll burn down the forest.”

I snorted at Andy as he swatted the smoke away from his face. He plucked the cigarette from my fingers and threw it to the ground. I pouted and hit his arm. “I need these to help me live today or else I’ll probably spontaneously combust, seriously.”

“Well I like kissing you and when I kiss you I’d rather taste your chap stick and whatever you taste like than smoke,” he said, leaning down to kiss my lips quickly. I smiled and shook my head, looking away. Morning traffic moved slowly and loudly. “You look so weird with blonde hair.”

“Coming from the guy that always looks weird,” I said, smirking up at him playfully. He grabbed my wrist and shook his head, kissing me again quickly.

“Not necessary,” he said breezily, “I just meant that you look so…innocent and not really as badass as you usually do. I dunno, I like it and I hate it.”

“It’s a little bit lighter than my natural hair color which I can barely remember because I haven’t seen it since I was fourteen,” I explained, twirling some of it in my fingers. He smiled. I didn’t talk about my younger self much; she was someone best left in the past.

“It’s nice,” he said.

“My parents will be happy with it.”

My mother and father weren’t necessarily happy with their “wild child.” I’d left them an hour out of New York City to raise my little brother in peace. I talked with them weekly on the phone and tried to remain present in my brother’s life. They always seemed better off without me though.

Simone was walking down the sidewalk amongst businessmen and college students. Her blonde hair was tied neatly into an elegant bun and she wore bright red lipstick. I admired how put-together she always looked.

“Kelly, can we just, talk?” she asked. My heart beat frantically in my chest as I nodded. Up close she looked tired, dark circles ringed the bottom of her eyes. I couldn’t blame her at all. Andy left a peck on my cheek and disappeared in the crowd.

“I’m sorry Simone, I really am,” I said, hoping to fix the hole that I’d ripped in our friendship. She raised a hand and shook her head gently.

“No, I’m sorry. I never should have blamed you for what happened. Andy told me a million times exactly what went down in that bathroom and I still felt the need to blame you. I was being ridiculous and high strung and incredibly irrational,” she spilled.

“I should have handled it differently though, we were both being idiots and I’m sorry,” I said, hoping that this would end in us being friends again. “I really miss you.”

“I miss you too but no more of this bullshit, can we just be friends again?” she asked. I nodded and pulled her into a hug tightly. Tears sprang into my eyes but I blinked them back. I hated crying at happy occasions.

“I’m sad to be leaving now! I wish I could stay,” I lamented. She shook her head.

“Nah, you have to see your family sometime and this is the perfect opportunity.”

It was the perfect opportunity considering the next two days were days off to be spent in the Big Apple. I nodded and leaned against the brick building, considering lighting up another cigarette. There was so much time to bring up so many unwanted memories.

I was friends with my best friend again though and that counted for a lot. Most of my problems would be solved within the next three days when we were rolling out of this godforsaken town. Mike passed by and Simone shot him a hard glance.

The only thing I’d have left to deal with was getting them back together.

I needed a new plan.