The Plan

I'd stepped out of the bathroom of the bus an hour and a half after I'd entered it, thoroughly satisfied and exhausted.

Andy had been beyond sweet, taking off my makeup and brushing my hair for me while murmuring the sweetest of nothings into my ear. We'd collapsed into his bunk in nothing but our underwear well after everyone else had fallen asleep. I fell asleep minutes after Andy had and it was in complete comfort. My life was on the verge of being complete.

Mike and Simone were both very important people in my life, separately and together.

When I woke up eight hours later in Texas, I mulled over the fact that I still had two steps left to my plan. Tour would be over soon and the magic that happened on the road, didn't happen when you were hanging out in an apartment in Chicago. The outrageous normalities of tour were always muted by life at home. I needed my friends to be back together before we went back to routine.

Even with a hangover pounding behind my eyes, I stepped off the bus ready for the day within 45 minutes. I'd left my boyfriend and the rest of the sleeping band on the bus without disturbing them and squinted in the hot Texas sun. I spotted our van parked down the block and slightly around the corner. There was a long line of kids out early today and I stalked past them all with my shoulders up, the pain in my head expanding in the sunlight.

The van was locked and I didn't have the keys. I sighed, a hot breeze ruffling through my hair and I propelled myself forward into the venue, flashing my laminate and stepping into the air conditioning. I didn't have to walk far before I found our merch area. It was only set-up halfway, three shirts pinned up and boxes still shut on the floor. I wandered the venue a little bit but it was quiet and I didn't see anyone I knew, only venue staff scurrying around with an urgent air.

I stole a water bottle off of the bar and made my way quietly back to the table. The other band's merch tables were all completely set up, though there was no one behind them. It gave me a nervous feeling but I ignored it for a while, sitting on the table and leaning against a box to sip the water. My head started easing up quickly and I was delighted but I began to realize that it was too quiet in the venue for three band's to not be loading in.

My brisk walk back to the bus was panicked and my nerves weren't aided by the silence with which every fan on line watched me. The tension in the air between them and I felt like they were waiting for me to give them answers. I wasn't sure what the question was. When I stepped on the bus, my boyfriend was half dressed and confused. His skinny jeans were low on his hips, some of his boxers showing, and his hands were ruffling his hair. When he saw me his eyes widened in relief.

"Babe," he greeted me, pulling me into a hug, "Where is everybody?"

"What? No one's here?"

I'd left the bus under the assumption that there had still been sleeping boys on it. Now that I looked back on it, there'd been no proof of that; the bus had been silent and all the bunk curtains drawn. Panic immediately threw itself onto me and my breath came quickly.

"No, I woke up and everyone was gone already. I thought I missed soundcheck but it's not too late..." he trailed off, not realizing the gravity of the situation.

"Andy, this is bad. I was just in the venue and no one's in there, not that I recognize anyway. Our table isn't even set up, I don't know what's going on, let's go ask," I said in a rush and Andy nodded, swallowing hard. As soon as he had a shirt on, we were stumbling off the bus. This time, the fans were braver.

"Are you going to the hospital?" one girl asked me with a Southern drawl. She stepped out of the line slightly and looked back at her friend when I stared at her incredulously. "Can you tell Mike we all said to get better soon?"

I glanced up at Andy with terror and he wrapped an arm around me before nodding at the girl. My heart was pounding as we walked into the venue. Andy left me by the table and walked into the separate room that held the stage. My breathing was ragged and I was terrified, Mike was obviously in the hospital and obviously it was serious if the fans knew about it.

"Mike's sick," Andy said, scooping me into his side as he stalked away. Thankfully I was tall, otherwise I never would have been able to keep up with his long strides. "Alcohol poisoning they think but no one in this fucking venue knows shit!" he screamed as the door opened, "God fucking dammit!"

Everyone on the line was staring now and I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Relax," I hissed, "You're freaking them out and me fuckin' too. Let's just get a cab and get to the hospital, yes?"

Andy didn't answer, he just dropped his head in his hands. I stepped to the curb and waited for a minute or two before finally, with a precision only a New Yorker could possess, stepping forward and whistling while raising my other hand. The cab stopped inches from me and I had the door open already. Andy wasn't even surprised at the ease with which I'd hailed it, instead giving the name of the hospital and sliding in beside me.

The drive to the hospital was short, silent, and nervous.

Andy paid the cab driver and we strode into the hospital urgently. We hadn't called anyone but it was clear immediately that the band and crew was dominating the emergency room.Tattooed men were littered throughout the room, biting their nails and sighing nervously. Daniel was the closest to me and I fell into the seat next to him.

"What's going on?" I asked, searching his eyes for some relief. He looked worried and disheveled.

"Mike and Simone got to Texas before us. He was really sick but we started load in anyway, figuring he was just hungover but then he got...it was bad Kell, he was sick and Simone got real scared so she called an ambulance. We've been here for a while, he has alcohol poisoning, just got his stomach pumped and they got him in a room. Simone said she was his sister so she's been with him for most of the time," he filled me in.

"He's gonna be okay though, right? Eventually?"

"Yeah, yeah he'll be okay. We'll get details from Simone soon probably," he assured me. Relief flooded through my body though I was incredibly upset that he had suffered. I wondered how much he'd actually had to drink, considering we'd been together the night before and I'd even thought I might have drank more. It scared me how easily the line could be crossed.

"I can't believe it," Andy said, standing in front of me and running a hand through his hair. Daniel nodded in agreement and so did I. This was such a strange thing, so uncharacteristic, that I could barely contain my surprise and disbelief. The hospital was bustling and loud. I hated the sterile smell and the white walls. I wanted to see Simone but, more importantly, I wanted to see Mike.

I wanted to scream my apology that it was him in some hospital bed and not me, because no one here would have been surprised if my idiotic self had gotten into these shenanigans. I wanted to apologize for not being there for them both. My two best friends had been going through hell and I'd been sleeping. That was nothing short of stupid.

Andy sighed heavily and I stood up to wrap my arms around him. He let me tuck myself into his body and rest my head on his shoulder while wrapping his arms tightly around me. His shirt smelled so strongly of just him and with his arms around me the sounds of the hospital were muted. I could have been back at our apartment in Chicago if I imagined hard enough.

We waited for an hour. It was an hour full of questions, silence, and impatience. The receptionists and nurses told us nothing and Simone hadn't been seen for a while. The next three shows were cancelled and the seriousness of the situation was beginning to sink in at this news. I was shocked that it had gotten this far, Mike was a huge advocate for moderation, and I was guilty. I felt like it was my fault for this all.

"I feel like it's my fault," I spoke quietly to Andy. He was sitting in the chair next to me silently. We were leaning towards each other but not touching at all and his eyes flashed up to mine in an instant.

"No, it's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault but his Kelly, you understand? You didn't force that alcohol down his throat so don't blame yourself."

I did blame myself though. If I had just driven the van to Texas, this wouldn't have happened. If I hadn't insisted upon going to the bar, this wouldn't have happened. If I didn't accept his challenge for drinking, this wouldn't have happened.

When Simone finally walked through the doors leading into the waiting room, her fiery eyes landed directly onto me and told me everything I needed to know; she blamed me too.