Something Borrowed, Something Used
Nine
Brendon keeps me grounded he keeps me in the here and the now
He keeps me laughing. He keeps me loving. He keeps me living.
I don’t know what it is we have exactly.
We fight sometimes, only every now and then and they’re more like short arguments that we resolve soon after. We’ve only really fought once or twice and it was about you, I can only imagine how smug that makes you.
He knows you differently or knew (have you changed?)
When Bren and I fought it never got violent, remember you used to throw things?
I asked where you were the night before why you hadn’t called, I didn’t know if you were okay, you got defensive then when I asked who you were with you said it wasn’t my business.
It just went from there…
What hurt the most was how guiltless your eyes where when I screamed the truth in the form of a question
“Was it Bryan?!”
There was no sign of guilt as you didn’t even bother to lie.
Remember the months of pain that fallowed he was “nothing” to you, it “just happened” and why the fuck was I so moody all the time??
As if I ruined your high for the fun of it, I was the downer, I was touchy.
You never even said you were sorry.
You knew my weaknesses and they always worked to your advantage.
You got what you wanted.
Every single time.
You made me miss you.
Then when I got you I’d do anything you said.
Just to feel you close to me, just to get back a little piece of what we had.
But remember? You let me kiss you less and less squirming out of I love yous breathed against your sweaty neck., and sorts of forgiveness I showed.
Then what hurt the most is when I found my self being just a fuck to you.
A free one.
That time you moaned him name, even still I pretended it never happened, I was so desperate for you, any small amount of affection, I thought that if I played it cool, and didn’t call you out you wouldn’t call me out and I would still have you.
I let it slide.
I knew that the nights you spent out were with him, when you came home smelling like him, hiding the smiles you had inside.
(Or was it just glee that you had me whipped so bad??)
I knew you go bored with him because you came to me more, but to you the sex was frustraiting..
You’d be moody and dissatisfied afterwards. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. I didn’t know how I could keep you. I knew Bryan was thinking the same thing as you moved onto his cousin.
Less aware and admiration already in tact. It was only once with Brendon, you and him in our bed.
That’s when I broke and told you no….no and no and not ever.
That was fine, till Bren told you no…
You somehow gained respect [dislike] and admiration by being a selfish bastard whore
[How?]
He keeps me laughing. He keeps me loving. He keeps me living.
I don’t know what it is we have exactly.
We fight sometimes, only every now and then and they’re more like short arguments that we resolve soon after. We’ve only really fought once or twice and it was about you, I can only imagine how smug that makes you.
He knows you differently or knew (have you changed?)
When Bren and I fought it never got violent, remember you used to throw things?
I asked where you were the night before why you hadn’t called, I didn’t know if you were okay, you got defensive then when I asked who you were with you said it wasn’t my business.
It just went from there…
What hurt the most was how guiltless your eyes where when I screamed the truth in the form of a question
“Was it Bryan?!”
There was no sign of guilt as you didn’t even bother to lie.
Remember the months of pain that fallowed he was “nothing” to you, it “just happened” and why the fuck was I so moody all the time??
As if I ruined your high for the fun of it, I was the downer, I was touchy.
You never even said you were sorry.
You knew my weaknesses and they always worked to your advantage.
You got what you wanted.
Every single time.
You made me miss you.
Then when I got you I’d do anything you said.
Just to feel you close to me, just to get back a little piece of what we had.
But remember? You let me kiss you less and less squirming out of I love yous breathed against your sweaty neck., and sorts of forgiveness I showed.
Then what hurt the most is when I found my self being just a fuck to you.
A free one.
That time you moaned him name, even still I pretended it never happened, I was so desperate for you, any small amount of affection, I thought that if I played it cool, and didn’t call you out you wouldn’t call me out and I would still have you.
I let it slide.
I knew that the nights you spent out were with him, when you came home smelling like him, hiding the smiles you had inside.
(Or was it just glee that you had me whipped so bad??)
I knew you go bored with him because you came to me more, but to you the sex was frustraiting..
You’d be moody and dissatisfied afterwards. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong. I didn’t know how I could keep you. I knew Bryan was thinking the same thing as you moved onto his cousin.
Less aware and admiration already in tact. It was only once with Brendon, you and him in our bed.
That’s when I broke and told you no….no and no and not ever.
That was fine, till Bren told you no…
You somehow gained respect [dislike] and admiration by being a selfish bastard whore
[How?]
♠ ♠ ♠
Comments???Please?