I Got Your Picture I'm Coming With You

JACK'S POV

When I woke up, Lexie was still wrapped in my arms, hair splayed out. She was smiling in her sleep. An for a moment, I wasn't scared. I was happy. I loved her, I really did. But my happiness was short lived, because less than ten minutes later, Alex burst into our room.

"JACK! I JUST BEAT UP A TV WITH A BASEBALL BAT AND NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

"FUCK OFF MAN! PRIVACY!" I yelled and threw a pillow at him. Lexie groaned next to me.

"What the hell is going on? Why are you being so loud Jack?" Lexie asked, without opening her eyes.

"Alex, the asshole, beat up a tv and now he's yelling about it to me," I replied, giving Alex a death glare.

Lexie blinked a few times, turned her head and saw Alex in the doorway. He waved.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Lexie yelled, sitting up, and the covers fell.

Alex laughed. "HAH! I can see your boobs...you got a good one their Jack," Alex winked at me.

I threw another pillow at him, but he dodged and it hit Rian instead who had just walked in the room.

"Erm guys what's with all the yell-OH SHIT! Sorry Lexie!"

"Oh well we may as well have a party now, who else wants a gawp? It doesn't even matter now."

At least he had the decency to turn and cover his eyes. Lexie flopped back onto the bed, face down on the pillow so her back was exposed rather than her boobs. "So are you guys gonna actually let us get dressed or would you like a show?" I asked them sarcastically. 

Rian apologised and dragged Alex with him, who kept asking what to do about the tv. Rian told him to stop being a baby and cough up the money for it. I sighed in relief when they left, and lay back down with Lexie.

I stroked her back and she turned to me with that gentle smile plastered on her face. "You know, I was kinda in the mood when I woke up, now it's gone."

I raised an eyebrow. "Well how about I get you back in the mood."

"Nope, sorry, they killed it. Blame Alex." I pouted at her, until she laughed.

"Don't worry, when we get in that car, he's dead. But still, I bet I can turn you on," I said, in what I hoped was a seductive voice.

"Jack, I don't think I could enjoy it now," she smiled.

"Well that's too bad because I would enjoy it a lot more if you would. But I guess you can't have it all eh? You'll just have to put up with it."

"Fuck off Jack. Tell you what, if you throw in some neck nibbles, you may just get some."

I did what she said and in the end we both enjoyed it, which was good, I mean the sex itself was great. Superb. Beyond words. Again...it always is with her. Well I mean we haven't been doing it for long but I already could tell it was so much better and so much different to all the others. Not even Vienna compared to Lexie. Maybe it was because I never really loved Vienna. Is that bad? I mean I cared about her, of course I did, but...it was more along the lines of sympathy. Maybe that was why it was so easy for us to hurt each other. Because we had never wanted it to last. Not really. We were just looking for a way out, and it was easier to blame each other and wait for something to happen rather than us just say we didn't want this anymore. But of course, you never see these things until you step outside the box. I would never let that happen to Lexie and I. She's everything to me. Well, it's easy to say these things at the time isn't it? Before the whole thing explodes and you don't even realise. If anything did happen, I could fix it right?

Eventually we got changed and had to leave our little cocoon of happiness, and met the guys in the car. We were going to go to see Vienna's parents. See if they knew anything. Any clue as to where she was. I was dreading it. I knew exactly what her mother would say. God knows what her dad would say. I was in deep shit. I think Lexie saw how nervous I was getting and she squeezed my hand as we drove past streets and towns. "It'll be okay Jack, you'll be a step closer to finding your daughter."

I smiled weakly at her. Why couldn't I just be honest? Then she'd understand why I was so nervous. But she'd also drop me in the blink of an eye. Dammit. I didn't want her to leave me, but telling her the truth would tear us apart. I knew it. 

The car slowed down and I looked out the window to see a pretty white house with a picket fence and some tree on the lawn just blooming. I smiled to myself. I hadn't changed one bit. "You ready man?" Alex asked me. I looked up and nodded.

"Want us to come with?" Rian asked. I looked at Lexie.

Yes. Yes I did. "Nah, I'll be fine. I think they'd get mad if more of us went." Lexie nodded and gave me a slow kiss.

Little did I know how much that kiss would mean to me later. 

I took in a deep breath and got out the car, and headed up the path. They didn't stay, they drove off to give out clues about the next town we would be playing in the next state, spreading the word early. I guess they wanted to give me some privacy. Which I was grateful for. I knocked on that familiar door. 

The door opened, and the spitting image of Vienna was stood in front of me. Same eyes, same blonde hair. Except she was about twenty years older than the Vienna I knew. For a moment we were both frozen. Then she slapped me around the face and tried to shut the door.

I put my foot in to stop her. "Please, I just want to find my daughter. Please! Help me!"

"WHY WOULD I WANT TO HELP YOU! After everything you put us through, put HER through! Why the hell would you even want to find your daughter? It disgusts me that you're her father," Eleanor spat in my face.

I wasn't offended. She had every right to be like that. "Please, it wasn't my fault...I just..."

"You were doing what they told you to do. How could you? How could you do that to her? You were supposed to love her!"

"SHE HURT ME! SHE HURT ME AND I COULDN'T COPE OKAY? Her health just went down an days wouldn't fucking get any help for it! She wouldn't listen to me! She pushed me away! She wouldn't let me help, I was an outsider to her! WE NEVER LOVED EACH OTHER! If she ever loved me she would have told me what was wrong! She would have told me she wanted to die. And I could have helped her. Finding out she'd gone through all of that alone...it hurt me. So I pushed her away too and we were both wrong okay? I was wrong. I'M SORRY! "

Eleanor looked at me. "It's too late. The damage is done. You shouldn't have done it Jack. She depended on you, and you tore everything down. She was happy, until you turned into one of them."

I hung my head. "I know. I know. I was wrong. I didn't love her...she sure as hell didn't love me...but still. I wish it hadn't ended like it had."

"You can't even say it can you?"

My head snapped up. "Say what?"

Softly, she spoke. "Say it Jack. Please. Say it. Not for me, the damage is already done. She hasn't spoken to us because of what happened. She was scared we'd do the same. She needed support, but you just pushed her away. And you can't admit it. You need to."

"But I'm scared."

"Why?"

I breathed in deeply. "Because if I say it, then I have to accept that I'm a monster."

"No, if you say it, you accept you made a mistake. And you can start to forgive yourself. It shouldn't eat us up any more." I looked at her, tears blurring my vision.

"I tried to force her to have an abortion," I choked out. 

Eleanor gave me a bittersweet smile, mostly in sympathy. The doctors had told me that Vienna's health would deteriorate if she had the baby, and they could both die. Her mental health was too extreme and her body may not be able to cope. So I had done the one thing I never should have. I took the side of the doctor. I wasn't there for her. It was my fault. And now I knew it. Now I accepted it properly. I accepted what I had done, who I had become in one desperate moment. 

"She doesn't tell us where she is, but when she writes, she sends pictures. Here, this is the most recent. Her name is Millie." Eleanor pushed a photo into my hand of a small girl, about three years old dressed in a pale yellow dress, long dark hair and dark eyes. "She looks like you."

I swallowed hard as I looked at the photo. Millie. Vienna had always loved Millie's cookies. I smiled through my tears, and nodded at Eleanor, who rubbed my arm, and then I left. Photo tucked inside my jacket pocket. 

The same pocket in which my phone had been, and I hadn't realised it was calling the most important person in my life until weeks later.

LEXIE'S POV

When my phone had gone off and I had seen it was Jack, I answered immediately, worried something had gone wrong. I wished to god I hadn't picked up, that I had just left it. Because Jack broke my heart without even knowing it.

"I tried to force her to have an abortion." When I heard Jack choke that out, I didn't care that his heart was probably broken. I just knew how I felt. 

I felt sick. I disconnected the call. He hadn't realised he had called me. And I wouldn't let him know either. I would smile and pretend like I hadn't heard anything. I was hurt, but I loved Jack, no matter how much it killed me. So I would paint a mask on my face and help him find his daughter as fast as possible, to see him happy. Then I would leave and never come back.

That was the plan. I didn't know how I would do it, because I don't think I could eve walk away from him, but by god I would do my best. If he couldn't be honest with me, then I wouldn't be honest with him.