I Got Your Picture I'm Coming With You

JACK'S POV

I couldn't believe it. She was here. She was the girl who'd been covering our songs...and my song. I didn't plan on telling her that I wrote it. Okay yeah that sounds weird considering we just spent a walk talking honestly. Maybe we would be able to get back on track now. I'm not stupid, I knew it would take time. But I was ready. I was ready to start healing. I was tired of holding back. Tired of trying not to break. I wasn't scared anymore because maybe Lexie would be there to fix me.

I had just come out of the hotel shower and dried off changing into my PJs, and came out to see Lexie playing one of my guitars I had in the room. She really was a beautiful player.

"You sound really good," I told her. She jumped a little and turned to see me.

Those blue-grey eyes of hers that I had missed so much lit up a little before masking off her feelings. I guess we were both good actors. "Uhm, thanks. It's therapeutic. Sorry, it's your guitar, I shouldn't-"

"No, please," I interrupted shaking my head. "Don't worry about it. Seriously, you sound really good. If you were a bad player I'd be a little pissed, but you're awesome, so it's fine," I said smiling.

She didn't hide the smile this time.

"Oh, Jack, do you have any clothes I can borrow to sleep in? Like all my clothes are in my room and...well..."

To be honest, I'd rather her not be in any clothes at all. But that wasn't appropriate. At least not yet. "Sure, no problem." I tossed her a tshirt and some sweatpants.

Lexie smiled gratefully as she went to go change in the bathroom. When she came out she had this funny look on her face.

"You okay?"

Now she looked uncomfortable. "Well...there's only one bed..."

I laughed at her. "We've shared a bed before, it's not a problem."

"Yeah, but that was...before. When everything was okay."

That made me think. "Why isn't everything okay now?" Oh shit, did I say that out loud? Fuck.

Lexie's head snapped up at me. "Because...I wouldn't let you help me. I couldn't be honest. I tried to blame you for a while. I didn't realise until I'd left you. I push people away. I always have done. Everything I touch I ruin, and when I finally got something good I was scared to tell you about the one thing that I should have done. I thought if you knew what happened in my past then you would think I was...I don't know...dirty? Not valuable enough. I wasn't enough to keep my little girl alive. I'm never enough for anyone around me. I have to pretend, because I don't want people to know how broken I am. I'm ashamed. And I was in denial. If I had told you what happened when I was sixteen, it would mean admitting it to myself, and I just couldn't do that. I just didn't realise how insufficient I was until I'd heard that song. Until I'd heard Actors. It spoke to me I guess. And that's why everything's not okay. Because I'm broken, I'm not good enough. I never am."

I studied her for a moment. She wasn't looking at me. So I went to her, placing my hands on her arms. "You shouldn't think like that. You are good enough, you always were. I was the one who pushed you away, I ruined it, not you. It's okay to be scared just...please, let me help fix you. Let me be here for you."

Lexie looked a little sad. "I want to say yes Jack, I really do but...I don't think it would work. I'm not ready...and...well-"

"Look, I'm not talking a full on relationship okay? Even I admit that's too fast when I've only just got you back. But friends, would that be okay? I can help you as a friend. If you want."

Lexie looked up and smiled. "I'd like that...but...I don't know. I don't think Vienna would appreciate you being friends with an ex."

What? "I'm sorry, what does Vienna have to do with this? I always make time for Millie. She wouldn't mind you being around her."

"No, Jack, I mean you know, she might get jealous, she is your girlfriend after all."

I widened my eyes at Lexie, who was looking a little sad. "Vienna? My girlfriend? God no! Lexie, she's Zack's girlfriend. They moved in together. She's pregnant with his child for fucks sake! That's why Zack's not coming to Reading in August!"

Lexie looked taken aback. "Really? She's really Zack's girlfriend? Then who are you going out with?"

"No one, I haven't had a girlfriend or even been with anyone since...well you know." I didn't really think I needed to expand on that. Lexie could figure it out.

She blinked for a few moments. "Oh. Right."

I bit my lip before asking my next question. "Do you...erm...you know. Have...someone..."

Lexie shook her head and I tried not to let out a sigh of relief. "I've been too caught up in the music to even think about it. My music really did save me. And so did Actors."

Time to come clean Jack. "Erm...right, about that song. Well I wrote it. When I had realised what I'd become without you. Pretending to be something else every second of the day, never admitting I needed to face up to every bad thing that had lead me to that point before I could heal. Before I could take off the mask. And I guess a part of it...well it was kinda about you too."

Lexie gave me a small smile and looked at her feet. "I know."

"What?"

"I know. Alex told me." FUCK YOU ALEX! "And...well I can relate to that song. It was exactly how I felt. I guess I still kinda feel like that. Thank you, for that song."

Without thought I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "No need to thank me. I just don't want you to ever feel like it again."

"No promises Jack," she barely whispered.

And it broke my heart all over again.

We went to bed after that. At first we started off sleeping back to back, but then I guess the loneliness and need grabbed us both and we turned to each other.

"I could really use a cuddle you know..." Lexie said timidly.

I gave her a sweet smile and opened my arms for her. She quickly shuffled so she was wrapped in my arms and her head was on my chest.

"I miss this. I miss having you here," she said quietly.

"Me too," I admitted.

 We both knew that tonight it wasn't going to go any further than this. Than talking and just...being. But that was all that mattered now, to know that we were both here. Both together.

And she didn't scream or cry in her sleep either.