I Got Your Picture I'm Coming With You

LEXIE'S POV

It was so...dark. So very dark. I was so alone, lost in the darkness. All I could remember was the sharp pain of the crash and Jack screaming out my name. That was the last thing I remembered. I was happy it was at least something of Jack. After that it was just...still. The pain dulled after a while to a constant throbbing, which I got used to after I don't know how long. It just seemed to go on forever.

I missed him. I missed Jack. I missed him so much. So when i saw a door I didn't think twice about opening it. Just to escape the heartache. "I'm so sorry Jack," I said out loud to the open emptiness, although I knew he wouldn't hear because I wasn't aware of my body again. I probably never would be again.

I opened the door and just found a tunnel. I did the only thing I could and started walking towards the brightest light I've ever seen.It was just pulling me, like I didn't have a choice. I was getting closer and closer, my heart sped up as I ran to reach the door of which the light was escaping. But just as I reached the door a familiar dark haired child appeared in front of me. I knelt down and she whispered in my ear.

"Don't leave daddy. I don't like seeing him cry."

Her voice was soft and penetrating, cutting to my very core. Oh god. Oh Jack. I;m so sorry Jack. I love you, I really do, but I wasn't with you. I'm here. i'm trapped. Oh darling, I'm so sorry I was never enough for you, never enough to stay. I keep leaving you and i never say goodbye do I? I'm so sorry. It's not fair on you, but maybe this time you would be able to get over me. You would be happier. I love you so much. If only I could have told you one more time. Oh god. My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest and shattered into a million pieces. And I couldn't put the pieces back together. I never knew it was possible to feel an emotion at this strength. But I had already lost so much, this was just an additional sort of pain. This was just a tiny piece that was making it so much worse. How dare he. He didn't have the right to make me feel like this. Every bad emotion was because of him! Wait...no...that wasn't fair. It was my fault. I was the one who let everything build, I was the one who had left, I was the one who was too proud, too scared to talk to Jack. Jack had given me some of the most precious memories I will ever hold, even if they were only after a short while. He had been there for me before he knew I existed, when all I had to worry about was signing up for Meet and Greets in time.

I needed him so much. I needed him now more than ever.

I bit my lip and looked Millie in the eye. "But sweetie, I don't know how to get back."

She cocked her head and smiled. "You're my angel. Of course you know." Then she just...vanished. Like smoke in the wind.

My only companion...gone.

And I was scared. "No! Come back!" I screamed repeatedly until my voice went hoarse. I gritted my teeth, let out an animalistic moan, and fell to my knees, closing my eyes. I felt so shattered. So dispirited. I'd never felt like this before. I needed to just go, just so I didn't have to feel this sort of...weakness. "Oh god, please, just let me go. Please. I don't wanna be here any more. I don't wanna be scared."

Then I heard a voice. "Mommy!"

My eyes snapped open. "Jasey?" I gasped. I turned around to see the door slightly open. "JASEY!" I yelled with happiness as I ran through the door, doing the only thing a mother could, and felt the automatic pull towards my child.

I was faced with a wide green meadow, scattered with wild flowers. There was a small girl, of three years old with blonde hair and blue eyes. She was bare footed, dressed in white linen. I noticed in the back of my mind that I was bare footed too, in a white linen dress. I ran to the girl, fell to my knees and pressed her as close to my body as I could manage.

"Oh baby, is this really you? Are you really here?" I asked, crying into her hair. I couldn't feel anything beyond the overwhelming joy rising in my chest.

"I missed you mommy," she said.

I had no doubt. Right now, when Jasey wrapped her small arms around me, I had no doubt.

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't enough, I couldn't be enough, I couldn't be better. I'm so sorry. I should have been more. I should have been better."

"it's not your fault mommy," Jasey replied, leaning back, putting her hands on my face. "I love you. I don't like seeing you cry, please don't cry," and she started to wipe away my tears.

"Why are you comforting me? I should be comforting you! You weren't even a day old...I'm so sorry," I choked out. Jasey stroked my hair.

"Please mommy, don't be sad. It's not time to go yet. I've not come to collect you yet," she smiled, so sweet, so innocent.

I shook my head. "No, please, I want to go, I want to look after you! You shouldn't be...here. Alone."

Jasey's smile got bigger. "I'm not alone. Gramps is here."

My eyes popped. "W-what?"

"Gramps. He looks after me. He misses grandma, but he doesn't mind waiting for her, like I'm waiting for you."

And sure enough, I looked over her shoulder and my dad was there, standing beneath a tree in the distance, smiling and waving.

I waved back at him. That was my dad. Me and mom didn't talk about him much. He'd had a heart attack when I was ten. I missed him so much. "Why isn't he coming over?" I asked.

"He doesn't want to give you any more reason to stay here. You have to go back."

"I'm not leaving you, not ever again," I said, cupping my hands around my child's face.

She smiled sadly at me. "But mommy, I left you."

I just cried again, and Jasey patiently waited, hugging me, and when my sobs had lessened she said, "Jack needs you mommy, look." I looked up and a few feet away, Jack was there, bent over some girl hooked up to machines in the meadow, laying on the floor. That was me, I realised. Jack kept speaking incoherent words, leaving me empty at the fact that I couldn't hear him and I couldn't get closer to him, to hold him, to kiss him, to just be with him. And I couldn't let him know I was here. Because I couldn't move. And he wouldn't hear me. "He loves you mommy, and you love him. You have to go back. I have gramps, I can wait for you mommy. I promise I'll be here when the time is right, but then again, I'm always with you when you're sad. I just like to make sure you have someone with you," Jasey said softly.

I took my eyes off Jack, locked them with Jasey, and gasped as I heard Jack say, quite clearly, almost as if it was booming off the trees, "I love you Lexie."

Suddenly everything in my head felt busy, in motion, blurring. Jasey smiled widely as she realised she had one, I was going home, I had a reason to go back.

"Oh god, Jasey...Oh Jasey, I love you so much, I miss you baby," I said quickly. I could feel myself fading.

"I miss you too mommy." My lips started to tingle, and I couldn't say anymore, so I just grabbed her for a fleeting hug before I was gone completely. "It wasn't your fault mommy. It's okay. You can stop being sad now," she whispered as I faded, heart skipping erratically.