I Got Your Picture I'm Coming With You

LEXIE'S POV

"No, Jack, I wanna sleep," I mumbled as Jack shook me trying to wake me.

"Come on! It's time to get up! I made you cocoa pops," Jack said, poking my side.

"I don't care. You eat them. I'm sleeping."

I was not moving. I was too comfy and too tired. And I was scared to face him.

"Do I have to bring out the heavy artillery?"

What? What heavy artillery? I needn't have wondered long because soon enough he'd called pretty much everyone who happened to be on the bus at that given moment and it was like a huge pile on in my bunk...well not exactly a pile on because that would be pretty impossible, but they still tickled me until I fell out of the bunk. They were all laughing at me, including Jack, but at least he helped me up. I glared at him.

"I fucking hate you sometimes Barakat." Jack smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Nah, you're just grumpy. But not to fear, chocolate cereal to the rescue!" He was right, actually. The cocoa pops definitely helped my mood. God I had missed them.

I missed them so much I went for a second bowl and when I tried to sneak a third Alex confiscated the box, telling me to save some for the rest. Bastard. I tried to keep myself busy as much as possible, and kept away from Jack. Luckily I barely had time anyway because of rehearsals and stuff, but then it was time to rehearse with All Time Low. I just firmly concentrated on the bass line. They could tell something was up, especially Jack. He kept glancing towards me, giving me this inquisitive look. I just wish he'd get on with his guitar playing. I was trying to get on with mine. Did he have to care? Really? Oh god, that would make this even harder.

After a while we were all done, we'd eaten lunch and we had a few hours to kill before I went on. The guys went to watch some of the other bands and catch up with Paramore, but I stayed behind in the bus, none of the band or crew around. Just me and my thoughts. Oh god, what do I do? What do I say? As the tears spilled over, I just wrote a song. Maybe I could add it on to my set. I folded the paper up and put it in my back pocket. Maybe I'd play it. I don't know. I was just so confused. And then I heard someone come onto the bus, and saw the tall figure appear in the front lounge. Jack.

I put my head down and he came to sit next to me. He did what I knew he would. He put his arm around me and pulled me close, stroking my hair and arm. "Now are you going to tell me what's wrong with you? You were fine yesterday."

Oh Jack. If only you knew. So much can change overnight. Especially feelings. "I...I'm fine. It's just the heat I guess, messing with my head," I mumbled, barely coherent.

"Lexie, please, we both know that's not the case. Why won't you tell me? It's me! We said no secrets...and it feels like this is a secret," he said, sounding hurt.

It stung my heart, I knew this would hurt him. I knew I would hurt him. Always. But...I just wasn't ready yet.

"I...I mean...I just can't. Not yet. I promise, I will talk to you...but just for now I need to think things through. By myself. I promise you I'll tell you."

I felt Jack nod, but I knew he was upset. I knew he was scared of our future now I had a secret, but this was the only way. he just wouldn't understand. I knew he wouldn't. And god it hurt.

For a moment we remained in our little bubble, until some organizer came onto the bus and told me it was time for my set. Fuck. I just wanted to stay in Jack's arms where everything could be just a little more okay, just a little better, and my fears didn't matter. But nonetheless I followed the guy, and the buzz of hearing almost every member of the crowd screaming for me to get on stage was so overwhelming. I took a deep breath and walked on stage.

I gave a nervous little wave and a shaky laugh. "Erm...hi? Well I'm pretty new to all this but you guys are amazing! Thank you for buying the album and spreading the word and coming to my gigs. It means the world to me. I guess I finally figured out what I wanna do with my life. I love you with all my heart, but don't let my fiance know that!"

Some were screaming, some where crying, some were hyperventilating, one girl even fainted! That was...surreal. So I played to their ears, playing to please them, to give them something to hold onto, and to save my life too. I needed them, I needed the comfort of being in control of a melody, I needed to know I could make something beautiful. Just me and a guitar. And it felt so fucking good. I felt so happy just to be there, to console myself and to console them.

I changed to a few minor chords, pretty much figuring out how I was gonna play the next one on the spot. "Okay guys, I literally just wrote these lyrics, so the chord sequences probably won't be as good as they could be, but I hope you like it anyway. I don't have a name for it yet. But yeah...

How many cries are too loud to hear
How many choices unbearable
How much to fear
I'm holding on
By my teeth
And there's nothing left
Just my fragile skin

Am I enough

But I wake up
I face the world
I hide my pain
And I try to smile again
The same old day
A new type of pain
And a list of things to say

Thought I was fine just crawling through
I don't kid myself
Never imagined I'd be over you
As I lay in bed
I know that I'm gone
But I need to be strong
And I need to stay away

You deserve better

But I wake up
I face the world
I hide my pain
And I try to smile again
The same old day
A new type of pain
And a list of things to say

There's so much to fear
So much I can't say
Is it enough to mask the pain

I can't replace you
I never thought I would
But something is coming
And it might just break through

But I wake up
I face the world
I hide my pain
And I try to smile again
The same old day
A new type of pain
And a list of things to say

I don't wanna leave you behind
I don't wanna forget your smile
A smile i never knew
Something i always thought when I thought of you
How do I hold on
I can't let you go
Why can't I have you
Why couldn't you stay

So I cry
And I hide and I wake up
Without you

I face the world
I hide my pain
And I try to smile again
The same old day
A new type of pain
And a list of things to say
With a kiss
A ps I miss you
In the corner of your
Only picture

Thanks guys," I breathed after the final chord, and left the stage.

By the cheers they liked it. I hoped it was enough. I just didn't know what to do. "Oh Jasey, where are you now?" I whispered to the sky.

Backstage I saw the guys heading over. We were up next. Jack read my face and wrapped his arms around me when he reached me. "After the show, we'll talk after the show," I whispered in his ear.

He smiled slightly, glad I was finally going to talk to him, and ran on stage as whacky as he always is. I chuckled to myself a little, but not enough to make it sound happy enough. I collected myself and prepared for when they would announce me, and then I picked up the spare bass, pasted a smile on my face, and hit those notes with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, watching my aunt Molly rocking out to Poppin Champagne.