Set Fire to the Rain

Jared walked me to his door, we shook hands in on final goodbye and I turned and walked out, making my way downstairs and out into the dark night. The air was cool and crisp, I thought as I reached inside my jacket to grab my black knit hat and placed it on my head before zipping my leather jacket up as high as it would go, then I pulled my hat down over my ears tightly and stuffed my hands inside my pockets. I began to think through the day’s events, just as my cell phone began to vibrate in my back pocket. I pulled it out looking at the screen, a small smile turned into an instant frown when I saw that it was a notification saying that El had called me a couple of times earlier, and with one of those phone calls she left a voice message. I began to look quickly through my text messages and there was also a text from her. I couldn’t bear to look at it right now, so I closed my phone. I wanted so badly to call her back, but I had no idea what I would say to her if I did, so I slipped the phone back into my pocket. Again, I felt it vibrate letting me know that I had another voice mail, I figured if I could ignore the first call and not give in and listen to that message, to hear her voice, than I could continue to not answer her calls and texts. I needed to be strong and not give in and listen to her voice or look through her texts. It is not easy, believe me. I had to stay the course in order to make this whole Jared plan work.

I made it to my apartment building not too long after I left Jays condo and made my greetings to the managers inside getting onto the elevators and making my way upstairs. Arriving at my floor, I walked to my door, unlocked it and made my way through the door shutting it behind me locking the deadbolts as I checked the locks along the door making sure the apartment was secure for the night, then turning and making my way into the security and warmth of my apartment… Walking around the apartment, I went to the coat closet and hung up my jacket also taking my hat off and placed it on the shelf in the closet shutting the door when I was finished. Turning I went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water then turned off all the lights and made my way to my room, there were only a few things on my mind. All I wanted to do was to call Eliza and talk about our day together, just to hear her voice and then collapse and go to sleep. Nothing else mattered right now. Pulling out my cell phone I decided that I would listen to her messages and decide if and when I would call back. Thinking of what lie ahead of me, it hit me that this was going to be the longest week of my entire life. It sucked already, and we were only in the planning stages of this plan. I began to think about the life I had lived, and the man I had been. Just life…

In the early part of March I had my 41st birthday, and I am still a single guy. A lot of people call me a playboy, player, and maybe even a few other choice things here and there, and I honestly don’t let it bother me all that much. My life is mine and I am having a great fucking time, travelling, playing music, clubbing, partying, just living life and having an amazing time. Living life to its fullest. For the most part I try to keep any of my interactions with women or relationships with women very private, or you could say nonexistent in the public eye. It’s just much better that way believe me. When I was younger, it didn’t really matter too much whether I came home with some hot model, dancer, actress chick for a one night stand, or if I came home alone. Yes there were a few attempts at relationships that didn’t amount to anything lasting obviously for reasons that are my own. I love to party and there are times when I enjoyed my peace and quiet. This is my space, and I can pick up and leave at moment’s notice and not worry about broken hearts and hurt feelings along the way. Hurt feelings and broken hearts, was messy. I never liked messy. I avoided connections; it always worked out better that way. Fun, now that was what I craved. I wanted to have fun and excitement, the adrenaline rush. It worked perfectly for me. That was the difference between Jared and I, he enjoyed the companionship and love part of the relationship. I could honestly do without the entire relationship thing. Sure I’ll be honest, I loved sex, I really loved sex, and there were plenty of women to pick from. The thing was that lately, I was becoming tired of coming home to an empty house and an empty apartment all the time. Yeah, I love to tour, I can’t sit still for more than 2 seconds, but if you find the right person, and it just clicks perfectly together, then all the other bullshit doesn’t seem to matter anymore. To be perfectly honest, I was sick and tired of the empty, emotionless, sex too, and that is a big deal for me to admit. I can say without question that I haven’t even looked at another woman since I have been with Eliza and that’s a big deal. There are still things that we need to learn about each another, but I am not going anywhere. Personally, I have grown a lot over the past year, but especially since I met El. I only pray this plan Jared has come up with to win her over will work. I don’t know what I will do, if it fails. I took the cell phone out of my back jeans pocket and went into my bedroom placing the phone on my bed as I walked to my dresser and grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and a pair of boxer briefs to change into after a quick shower.

When I finished my shower I went into my room and put on my underwear and shorts then walked over to my bed and picked up my cell phone and moved it to the table that sat next to the side of my queen sized bed. I began the task of pulling down the dark blue comforter and silver sheets then I slid in between them. I lay back against my pillow reaching for my phone so that I could finally listen to Eliza’s waiting messages. Taking a deep breath, I punched in the code and placed the phone to my ear, waiting to hear what she had to say…

“Shannon, hi. Umm, yeah, I don’t want to keep you too long, I know how hard you must be practicing for tomorrows show and after the past week you must be extremely tired. So I will keep this short hun. I know I told you that I was going to come to the show Thursday night with a few people, but given the circumstances, I think it may be a really bad idea. I am really disappointed about missing it, but I will be there in heart and spirit, don’t forget that. I will without a doubt, be thinking of all of you and wishing you nothing but the best. Hopefully one day you can forgive me. I don’t know that I will make it to Friday’s show either. Besides I have already called out from work for the week. I figured it was better that way. It’s just easier not having to try and hide things and explain everything repeatedly. So I will just stay home and relax, and heal, you know? Yeah, ummmm, so… Thank you for taking me to the hospital today, and for not telling me to jump off the nearest fucking bridge, you know why. I only wish you had answered your cell phone just now. I really needed to hear your voice and your laugh one more time tonight before I went to sleep. I love your laugh so much. Wellll, ok, so anyway, call me or I will call you, or you can always text me if you’d rather that too. I want to wish you amazing luck at the show tomorrow. Have sweet dreams my swee….my friend. Talk to you tomorrow.(a few moments of silence hung in the air over the line)” Then she apparently decided to hang up the phone without another word. Click…

The next few messages were basically the same thing. Eliza saying she had just wanted to try and catch me before the end of the night. She just wanted to wish me luck tomorrow. And the last message was her, but she didn’t say anything but I could hear her breathing for a few minutes and she mumbled something and hung up. It was as if she had wanted to say something and changed her mind at the last second and then didn’t know what to do and no knowing what to do she hung up. God I felt like such a dick. The only thing I wanted to do right now was to call her right back and talk to her, but I didn't.

I pulled the cell phone away from my ear very slowly and just stared at the picture of myself and Eliza in my small kitchen making dinner together. Rubbing my face with my free hand I lay back on my bed against my pillows and looked over on the table next to my bed spotting the other picture I had of only Eliza. It was a candid I had caught of her after the first show, and she was stunning. I smiled and ran my fingers over it gently, then pulled my fingers away. I yawned, and decided I really needed to get some sleep. We had a long ass day tomorrow ahead of us. So that’s what I did. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep while thinking of the woman who had been doing nothing but consuming my thoughts day and night, hoping maybe I would find a way to make her mine, even if only in my dreams for a little while. Maybe things in my dreams could be a little bit easier for the two of us. We deserved that didn’t we? Once my head was on my pillow and my eyes were shut, I had drifted into sleep…