Set Fire to the Rain

I was vaguely aware of David saying he was sorry and he didn’t mean to hurt me, that he loves me and would be back to take care of me later on and he was happy I was back, which meant he was heading out to his after beating drink at one of the local bars. I tried to open my eyes but they were basically swollen shut, there was no way I could drive, I needed help and fast. I had to make sure I was out of here before the devil got back here. My cell phone, it was in my rear pocket, so I slowly reached back and pulled it free and brought it around to pull up the number I was looking for. Since I couldn’t open my eyes very much, I pressed 3 and waited.

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone! I was getting ready to call the cops and come to the house. Are you ok?” Scott asked in a frantic tone.

“Help…me…please…” I said barely above a whisper. My throat was on fire from the pain.

“Shit! I swear to fuck I am going to kill the bastard. We are on our way. What happened? Do you need me to call…”

“Baby, who are you talking to?” I could hear John ask cheerfully in the background.
“It’s El, and she’s in trouble. We have to go now.” He told his boyfriend.

“Liza sweetheart, hang in there ok, we are on our way and I’m calling 911 now, and I’m going to have them meet us there. Don’t bother arguing because I don’t give a rat’s ass right now. You sound bad, and I’m not taking any chances with you. Jack would kick my ass, arrest me and kill me if anything happened to you. We will be there in 10. Love you.” Scott croaked out softly. I could hear the car doors shut in the background then the start of the engine and the sudden blare of really loud music on the stereo. Just as suddenly the phone went dead.

I tried to keep my eyes ‘open’ until they arrived, but truth be told I kept falling back into un-consciousness, I couldn’t help it. That night when Scott and John had arrived I could not be roused, thankfully they had called 911, so it didn’t take more than another 5 minutes for the ambulance to arrive and the medics to begin looking me over. At that point it was decided that the damage was substantial enough that I needed to be rushed to the hospital and my family was called. Jack wanted to commit murder along with a few others, of course. I finally came around but had to spend a few days in the hospital for observation. They had been very concerned with my head, and the concussion I had received when David threw me into the wall. I also received as a lovely parting gift, 2 broken ribs, a bruised and battered face, a huge fucking bruise around my neck, and I was barely able to talk because of the amount of pressure David had put around my neck. Not too bad considering.

It was decided at that time that I would not go back to the old house for any reason, and if there was ever a chance that David would be anywhere in the area I would have someone with me at all times. It sucked but I felt safer with the company. Everyone wanted me to file charges, and of course I refused. The only thing I allowed was for the photos to be taken by the doctors and a report to be written by them just in case I changed my mind. It was not an easy time for any of us. When I was first brought in, it was assumed that Scott and John were the ones responsible for what had happened to me, and given what the circumstances, I may have thought the same. You have to understand that Scott and John are huge men. Scott stands at 6’6” and is built like a brick shit house, and John is 6’4” and a professional personal trainer, but huge, absolutely huge. David is terrified of them, and stays as far from them as possible. I love the look on his face when he sees the two of them together, intimidation. It’s amazing. The second I realized that the doctors were going down that road with my friends I had to set the records straight. I told them that my friends were in no way responsible for what had happened to me. I knew the person that attacked me, and it was not them. I just didn’t feel comfortable naming who had attacked me yet. Though they were not happy with my decision, there wasn’t much they could do with that. Not happy was an understatement when Jack found out I wasn’t opening my mouth yet again. He was disappointed in me, and looking at it from his point of view, I can understand. I had a few days to sit and think in the hospital, while I knew that my physical scars would eventually heal and disappear, the other scars, the ones you can’t see, those were the ones that really scared me. The devil had not only broken my ribs and my skin this time around, but he had broken me, my spirit, all of me. The only reason I got up every day was for my kids, and if he thought he could make us go back to him, then he is crazier than the Joker on fucking vacation. Cause it’s never going to happen. Everyone deserves to be happy, don’t they? So why not me? I guess I believed all these years, that I never deserved it. This year is all about change, so maybe one day I will find the real thing. Maybe…

Every day that I spent in the hospital, I basically had my own personal security with me. No one was taking any chances. From what I was told, David had made an appearance the morning after I had been admitted into the hospital, unconscious. My family had made it very clear that under no circumstance was David allowed anywhere on my floor, or near my room. The nursing and doctor’s staff were all told that we were going through a brutal divorce and that David was the master manipulator and would do anything to get what he wanted, but he was NOT allowed within a mile of me. If my family had to make any guesses as to how I ended up in the condition I was in, it was in large part due to that man I was divorcing. Of course even after Jack told David, that he was not to step foot inside the hospital, he did it anyway. The man was nothing if not stubborn and resourceful. On one evening I woke up to find him standing in the corner of my darkened room staring at me. Thankfully Jack and Scott came back from somewhere and found him, and promptly reminded him where the exit to the hospital was and bestowed upon him a few parting gifts themselves. After that incident he had not returned, and I was able to finish out my short stay and go home to fully heal.

Time went by rather quickly after that, and I honestly don’t like to think about it, though it is often at the back of my mind. I had no other run in’s with David other than at the lawyers office, in order to finalize the divorce and that is how we all preferred it. The kids talk with him every so often, but sometimes I can’t help but feel like he’s there watching me, following me. I look around, and there is nothing there, so I know I must be crazy, but my instinct with that man has never failed me, so maybe I’m not so crazy. David has backed off a lot, and that makes me really nervous. Jake and Mags prefer not to visit with him alone, so they always take either Jack or Scott and John, which I think is priceless! I can’t say I blame them though after everything that’s happened.

I decided that time should no longer be focused on the past and what David has done, it should be about my kids and our making a life for ourselves, and finally living it! I haven’t done that, ever, just lived my life and had fun. My live was full of rules and regulations and schedules that had to be followed to perfection or consequences would be set in motion. David allowed me to have one credit card, but I was never allowed to keep it in my possession, he held onto it at all times, so he gave me an allowance to buy things that he approved of. I never went out without permission first; I have never been to a concert other than my children’s band. Dinner had to be made and set on the table by specific times every day, or there would be hell to pay. He had to approve of what was for dinner every week and everything had to be organized, he took me clothes shopping and had to approve of what I wore in public. Every week, he planned out what I would wear and I wasn’t allowed to deviate from that ever. David planned my outfit down to the lingerie. Breaking from that habit has been more of a struggle than you would think, but it has gotten better, with therapy, lots of therapy, it has actually been fun to do things on my own. It was a life of structure, a living hell, with beatings, verbal abuse, and other things I can’t bear to think about right now. That’s why I left. I was losing myself, I was lost, broken, wasn’t my own person anymore. I guess you could say I felt more like a robot than a human being most of the time, so I think you could say it was time for all of us to begin again, we all needed a brand new start…