It's in Your Face But You Can't Grab It

I was sitting on a park bench in my new hometown just outside of Kansas City watching my two year old twins, Vivica and Damion, play in a nearby sandbox. For winter in Kansas, it was really nice so, I had brought them down here for some fresh air. Who knows how many days there will be like this.

You're probably wondering what exactly happened between the time I left Huntington to now. Well, I decided to move back to Kansas. Why? I don't really know. I guess I just felt it was best.

I now host a radio show in Kansas City. It's pretty awesome; I get to talk to bands, go to their concerts, and I get to listen to awesome music all day. What's not to love?

I am now engaged to a man named Lance Keller. I met him a few months after I got settled here. He seemed like the only guy that didn't mind that I was carrying another man's child. I'm sure he thinks Vivica and Damion's dad just walked out on me or something; which of course isn't true. Their dad had no idea I had even been pregnant.

Not everything has changed though. Cerberus is still alive; old but very much alive. Music is still one of the loves of my life (next to Vivica and Damion of course). I'm not sure if I've changed much. If you ask me, I'd say no, but that's just my opinion.

Damion walked over to me, climbed up into my lap, and rested his head on my chest. "Are you tired sweetie?" He nodded. I placed him in the wagon I had brought the two in (this park was only a few blocks from the house) and walked over to Vivica who was still in the sandbox.

"No, mama!" she fussed as I picked her up.

"Sorry Vivi. Damion's tired and it's getting late." She started throwing a fit but settled down after about a block.

When we got back to the house, I noticed Lance's car was still gone. What does this guy do for so long on a Sunday? I assumed he was just hanging with some of his friends and entered our house. I took Damion and Vivica upstairs and put Damion in his bed. Since Vivica was wide awake, I played some games with her on the floor until she was about to pass out.

As I was putting her in her bed, I heard the front door open. I walked down the stairs and saw Lance sitting in the living room watching T.V. I smiled, strolled over to him, and straddled his waist.

"Hey baby. The kids are asleep so it's just you and me now," I whispered seductively before kissing his neck.

Lance sighed. "Ra, I'm not in the mood for this right now."

I abruptly stopped kissing him and glared at him. "Well, why not? You never want to play anymore." It was true; we hadn't had sex or even really talked in at least two weeks. Every time I tried it was either, "I'm busy," or "I don't feel like it." It was really starting to irritate me.

"What is it?" I continued angrily. "Do I bore you now or something? If that's what it is, I don't mind spicing things up a little in the bedroom. You just need to tell me what your problem is."

"No Raven. You don't bore me. It's just been one of those days..."

I groaned. I didn't feel like arguing anymore so I said, "Fine. I'm tired so I'm going to take a shower and go to bed."

I marched back upstairs, took a shower, then laid down on the bed. After about fifteen minutes of tossing and turning, I heard Damion yelling at me. What was funny about him was he didn't cry much to get attention; he just yelled at you.

I smiled as he reached out to me. If there was something almost everyone complimented on these two it was their eyes. They were the same brilliant green their father's were. I wasn't going to lie to myself; even though I was engaged, I still miss him...a lot.

When Damion fell back to sleep in my arms, I returned to our bedroom. I laid down and started thinking about Zacky and everyone else from California. I missed them all dearly. I wonder if I'll ever see them again. I really hope so.