It's in Your Face But You Can't Grab It

I let the guys pick where to eat, considering I had probably eaten just about everywhere at least once. It's surprising I'm not fat. They chose Olive Garden. After we parked our cars and got out, I said, "You know, people are probably going to think I'm some kind of whore walking in with five guys."

"What's wrong with that?" Johnny asked. Zacky punched his shoulder and Johnny gave him a reproachful look. I laughed and walked into the restaurant.

After we had all ordered, we started talking about everything that had happened when we were apart. Casey and Matt were now engaged. I figured they would be; they seemed inseparable. Jimmy was also engaged to the girlfriend he had when we had last seen each other. Her name was Julia I remembered.

"So what about you?" Brian asked curiously after they had all told what was new with them. Before I could answer, our waitress returned with our food. Zacky had been really quiet pretty much the whole time we were all talking; I wondered why.

My questions were soon answered when I took a drink of my Dr. Pepper. I watched Zacky's eyes follow my hand the whole time. I knew right away he was staring at my engagement ring. For some reason, I felt guilty so I quickly hid my hand in my lap.

"Well?" Brian questioned.

I snapped out of my trance and looked over at him. "Oh, sorry. Well, I have two kids now; twins named Damion and Vivica. I'm also engaged to a man named Lance Keller. That's really all that's different with me," I replied, hoping my answer didn't sound rushed or nervous.

The guys all congratulated me and I smiled. I don't think it was very genuine though. I could tell Zacky was heartbroken. What had he expected? That I'd wait for him to come and sweep me off my feet? I couldn't do that. If I did, I probably would have been crying every night after I left Huntington Beach.

I had to talk to him; alone preferably. I didn't want to feel awkward around him, even though it may not even be long that he's here. He needed to know he was the dad of Vivaca and Damion. It wasn't right to keep that secret anymore. It may not have been right to keep it at all. But then I thought of one of the reasons I had left in the first place. He had a kid with Kate now. I guess that's why I had never tried to tell him.

After we all ate, I pulled Zacky aside. "I need to talk to you. Can you come to my house?"

"If this is about you being engaged, it's fine. I'm happy for you," he stated quickly. For some reason I didn't think that was completely true.

"No, it's not. Well, not completely. It's something...bigger."

He raised an eyebrow. "Alright, if it's that important."

His answer seemed impatient, as if he really didn't want anything to do with me right now. It kind of hurt. Oh, who am I kidding? That was like a fucking stab right through my chest.

I almost said something smart assed, but decided not to. I got him to agree didn't I?

We walked out to our cars and I said bye to Matt, Brian, Johnny, and Jimmy and said I'd see them later, since I was going to the concert (I didn't know it was their concert until today because I don't ever get the tickets until the day of the concert. I can be a little scatterbrained and might lose them).

Zacky followed me to my house and parked in front. We walked to my door without a word. I unlocked the door and stepped in, being greeted by Cerberus almost immediately.

"Wow, Cerberus is still alive," Zacky said, clearly shocked.

"Yeah," I said shortly. I was still a little pissed at him.

Rachel came to see who had entered the house and smiled when it was only me. I watched her gaze move to Zacky. "Who's he, Ra?"

"Zacky Baker, he's an old friend."

I saw her eyes light up when she recognized the name. "Can I talk to you a sec?" she asked getting up and heading for the kitchen. I nodded in response and followed her.

"Are you going to tell him?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes. He needs to know."

"Oh, okay. Well then I'll go ahead and go so you two can talk in private. You'll have to tell me all about it later."

"Okay, I will. I'll pick you up later for the concert."

We waved goodbye and she walked out of the kitchen. I stood there for a moment, trying to figure out exactly how to start. I placed my hand on my forehead. I could feel a head ache coming on.

Well, I guess I better get in there. I kept having images of Zacky lashing out at me race through my head. I hoped and prayed to God or anyone who could hear my thoughts that these thoughts wouldn't come true.