I Never Meant Forever

Ashley POV

I hate when people pace the room, seriously just sit down already instead of walking around like a mad person. Yet here I am, pacing up and down in my hotel room. I can't make sense of anything right now. It's all just a jumble of memories and feelings. Andy is my best friend, we'vé been really close for some time now, even before the band. I'vé always loved him, like a little brother, but lately I don't know how to explain it, I've just had like this voice telling me it's a different love.

Until last night I've always ignored it, but we were celebrating after our first show in Australia. I didn't mean to do what I did, I didn't mean to completely lose my head. It was getting pretty late in the night and we'd all drunk quite a lot. I wasn't feeling the best so I was just sitting at the table alone, that's when Andy walked over and sat next to me. He asked if I was feeling ok, why did he have to have such beautiful eyes? In the moment of him being right there and me being too drunk to think, I leaned forward to kiss him. For a moment I swear he kissed me back, just before he pushed me away. That's when I ran out of the club and back to the hotel. I regret kissing him so much now I think back to it, I ruined everything. He's going to hate me and kick me out of the band, maybe I should just save him the trouble and leave, right now. Maybe I could leave him a note...no I need to tell him face to face how sorry I am.

I pack my bag, I don't really have that much, just the things I can't buy while on tour. I'm not sure what I'm meant to say to him, or if he will even talk to me after last night. I look over at the clock, it's 5:40am, he probably won't be up, but I need to leave before anyone else is up. I start to make my way down the hall towards Andy's room, standing out side I knock hoping he is already up and that I haven't woken him. I hear noise, I must have woken him, great. I can feel my feel my legs turn to jelly as they give way, I end up slumped against the wall and tears start to trickle down my face. Everyone thinks I don't cry, but I do, just when no one is around, I'm human too you know.

Andy opens the door but I can't make myself look up at him, instead I stare at his feet. "Ash...look at me, why are you here so early?" he finally asks, standing infront of me. I slowly looks up, I know he has noticed the tears that have stained my face, even Andy thinks I never cries. "I'm so sorry Andy, I was so stupid to do what I did, I understand if you want me to leave, gone from the band, my bags are already packed, just say it and I'm gone" I mumbled the last few words as I don't trust my voice and look towards the floor once again.

He just stands there for a minute in silence, I know he is thinking it all over in his head. "When you get to where ever your going, let me know? I don't want you to get hurt in this state Ash." he says in a tone I can't quite read, is he hurt I'm leaving? "Bye Andy, again I'm so sorry" I say, standing up and walking down towards my room to collect my bag. This is the last time I'll ever see or speak to Andy, cause I won't be making that call.