Because of Raquel

Markus:
A month has passed and well everything’s pretty much the same as it was during the first two weeks. I go to school; come home; do whatever. Sure teachers, counselors, and not to mention my parents are still on the edge about me, as if I would soon join Raquel. I thought about it plenty but a part of me just can’t summon the stones to actually go through with it.

“Markus.” Mom called from the living room. I just ignore her and continue taking a drag of my weed ciggy which was almost done for.

For as long as I can remember weed numbed my pain. Raquel didn’t approve of my self-medicating but she understood which was enough to make me love her even more. My first cigarette was given to me by my cousin Iggy on my twelfth birthday. I’ve been hooked on it since. ’Course mom and dad were to never know about it; they don’t approve of drug use and don’t like Iggy that much because of it. Did they shed a single god damn tear at his funeral? No, not really; Iggy died as a result of getting shit-faced with pot and booze and driving (according to his bud Xavier) behind what he thought was the Magic School Bus. His last words? “Wait up Miss Rizzle I wanna go on a field trip too!” Man I miss Iggy.

“MARKUS!” Mom’s voice was growing louder and angrier. Shit she’s coming up the stairs. I think to myself. Groaning in defeat I kill my ciggy and toss it out the window and proceed to fill my room with Lysol. I stuff my baggy of weed under my pillow (having no time to stash it in it’s hiding place) and grab a random book from my shelf. “MARKUS TOBIAS QUESSLING WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!?!”

“Nothing.” I answer. She then darts over to my stereo where Taproot is playing loud enough to blast ones eardrums and shuts it off.

“I hate that garbage.”

“Ok, so leave.” I say. She yanks the book out of my hand. Yeah personal space means squat to my mom. “I give up what’d I do now?”

“You pulled a knife in the hallway today?”

“Oh yeah that…”

“What were you thinking?” In all truth and honestly I was so ticked off at the guy I just stopped thinking all together but I think mom’s better off not knowing that. “Did you honestly think about killing that boy?” God she makes him sound so innocent.

“He called Raquel a no good skank. I saw no alternative than to scare the piss out of him.” I said making my mother look horrified at what she ended up raising instead of a son.

“You’re lucky they didn’t press charges.” I only nodded. I was damn lucky besides it worked. Everyone had a good chuckle as Danny Caprelli sprung a leak while Sharpie touched his throat. I let out a grim snicker myself. “Honey it’s been a month.”

“Don’t bring that up again mom, please.” I was beyond irritated by my mom’s constant pushing for me to talk to someone.

“Mr. Dwuyer says you haven’t been to his office at all since it happened. I think you really ought to go talk to him.” I roll my eyes and give a loud HA!

“That dipshit doesn’t help anyone what makes you think he could help me?”

“That’s absurd and you know it!”

“Oh? Raquel went to speak with him every day and now she’s gone. Sound absurd to you?”

“Fine but you still need to speak to someone. If you have another outburst like today they’re going to suspend you… or worse.” Like I gave a crap. “Raquel would want you to. She wouldn’t want to see you throwing your life away like this.”

“She threw her life away, why can’t I do the same?”

“Tell me you don’t mean that?” Mom looked like she was about to cry so I lied.

“Just kidding.” I smirked. She didn’t laugh; I didn’t expect her to. I grabbed my backpack off the ground and was about to get up when the brown leather book caught my eye. I’d forgotten about it. I picked it up and stuffed it in my bag. As I headed towards the door mom demanded to know where I was going. “The library, if I bomb another test dad and you are gonna kick my ass.”

Mom sighed. “Alright.” She then threw her arms around me. Ugh why do moms have to be so mushy? “Be back before sun down. The school may have taken it easy on you but we aren’t.”

“How long am I grounded for?”

“A month no TV, no computer, and definitely no cell phone.” No problem I can live with that.
I left my house and went straight for the park where I tossed my bag onto the merry-go-round and slumped down beside it. Raquel and I loved this merry-go-round. I still do.

I took out the diary and flipped it open smiling from ear to ear at the picture taped on the inside of the cover. It was of us; her favorite photo she always called it. It was some time before Halloween when we were six. I tried on my costume which was that of a monkey. Mom wanted to take a picture and for some reason I ran to Raquel who was hanging out at my house until her parents got back from their date. We hugged as little kids do but just as mom took the photo Raquel leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I was stunned and I believe it was then I knew I wanted to be with her forever.

I sigh and flip to the entry that was precisely two months before her death. (Yeah I can say it now, she’s dead). I was about to start reading when someone joined me at the merry-go-round.

***

Raquel:

I wish I could say I awoke in bliss the next day but I didn’t.

For the past month I’ve felt like a monster (no pun intended). My family joins me to hunt but when not out quenching our thirst they leave me be knowing I do not wish to have company at the moment.

“Raquel you’re scaring me.” Rikki said one day as I sat on the porch swing looking up at the sunset.

“Sorry.” I replied without actually looking him in the eye.

“Would you please talk to me?”

“What’s there to say? I hate myself; I believe I’m a hideous person; I-I am in love with two guys at the exact same time and it’s killing me. I can’t make up my mind Rikki, I can’t.” I hated having to tell him that but it was the god-honest truth.

I don’t mean to sound like a cheesy young adult novel like Twilight but what other way could I possibly say it?

“Where’s all this coming from?” He asked. Just then Kraya stepped out of the house. “Where are you going?”

She answered silently like she always does. Rikki nodded. Kraya then walked over to me and wiped away my tears. “It’s gonna be okay Beau.” She whispered.

“How do you know?” She only smiled and walked into the setting sun.

I had no idea that she was going to the park or that she had plans for the rest of the year…