Downpour

Those four words kept running through my head. Rain, what's going on?
Rain, what's going on?
Rain, what's going on?

What lie was going to escape from my lips now? I was basically caught. I'm stressed? And that's why my hair is falling out? I have a contagious stomach virus and that's why I've been avoiding her as much as possible? I didn't want to tell her, not just yet. But I had to, I had no other choice.

In frustration, I knocked everything off my bathroom sink and cried. Baylin rushed to my side as Tayden stood there in the door way staring at me in horror. Baylin hugged my tightly and wouldn't let go. I sobbed into her shoulder, wanting desperately for it all to go away. I just wanted everything to go away. The tears, the lies, and the cancer.

"Sh, you're okay. You're okay, Rain. I got you. What's wrong, Dollface?" I cried even harder at the words 'you're okay.' But I knew she was just saying that to make me feel better. Nothing could make me feel better right now. I would have to be in the hospital next week and stay there because I soon wouldn't be able to do anything. I'd be too weak.

"Tayden, can you...can you give us a minute?" I looked over at him, begging him not to. But what choice do I have? Oh, yeah, Baylin, I'm dying. How more blunt could I put it? How could I ease my way into saying something like this? He left my room and shut the door. He probably was pacing around the living room, that's what he did when he was nervous or when I went to the hospital the first time with my parents.

After I had calmed down a bit, Baylin and I sat on my bed together. I cuddled against her, not wanting to tell her, not wanting to move, and not wanting to forget what this was going to feel like. Time went by slow, at least that's what it felt like. I sat up and looked at Baylin with guilt. She smiled lightly and rubbed my shoulder.

" Now what's going on, Rai?" She continued to rub my shoulder and I breathe in deep. " I don't know how to tell you, Bay. It's not easy to say, much less to hear." Worry ran across her face. " Rain...What's going on with you? What happened? Did someone hurt you? Did Patrick hurt you? Are you dressed? What's going on?" I felt like she wanted to ask one more question, but didn't want to sound stupid. But that question would have helped me say what I was going to tell her. What question? Are you sick?

"Rain, tell me!" You could hear frustration in hear voice, but she still stayed calm. I breathe in deeply again, holding my breath...

"I have cancer."

She dropped her hand from my shoulder and stared at me. "D-don't...don't joke like that. That's not f-funny." But I knew that she knew that I wasn't joking. I stared blankly at her, not giving her a response, not giving her a reaction, just staring. "How long?"

How long do I have left? How long have I been keeping this a secret from her? She had to be a bit more specific.
"How long what?" I said as I ran my fingers through my thinning hair. "How long have you had it? How long have you been keeping this a secret from me?"

I bit my lip. "I don't know...About a year to a year and a half...I've only been getting chemo for a few weeks..maybe a month or two..." My words flowed out of my mouth quietly. She opened her mouth to say something, closed it, then opened it again. Her eyes started to water.

"Who's been taking you to chemo? You couldn't have done it by yourself. Who else knows, Rain? Who else knows?!" Her voice was getting louder and louder and got up and stood next to my bed.

"No one...No one else knows." I was digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole. The lies were piling up on top of me in the hole. I knew she knew I was lying.

"You're lying to me again!! Rain, who else knows?!" Tears escaped her eyes. "Please sit back down, I'm sorry. " I started crying again.

"No, I will not sit the fuck down. Now tell me!" She stomped her foot like a child throwing a tantrum. I looked down and whispered one word. "Everyone."

She stepped back from my bed and pointed towards the door. "Even him?" I nodded my head. "Please sit down." She took another step back. "How could you?! I thought I was your best friend, Rain? You know, best friends don't keep secrets like that from each other! What, were you just going to tell me when you were lying on your hospital bed? Huh? Come on , Rain. Tell me the truth. Or are you just going to keep lying to me again?!"

"I didn't want you to react this way!" I was crying, my words coming out jumbled. "How else am I supposed to react, Rain? You're my best friend! Or should I even call you that?!" When she said that, I felt like someone just stabbed my in the chest and twisted the object. My heart dropped to my stomach and I was shaking. I knew Baylin was too. She was angry with me.

"I didn't want you to be upset!" I wiped my eyes, but there was no use, the tears just continued to fall. "Wouldn't you be upset if I was dying, Rain?! I would have been there for you, but instead you chose to hide it from me." She was screaming, I've never seen her scream or be this upset at anyone before, it scared me. I felt like this big secret that I had been keeping inside for so long just wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth losing our friendship over.

"Please, don't be mad. " I tried to get up from the bed, but I was exhausted. I did my bed, leaning my legs against my bed and standing on the floor. "I don't want you to hate me, please, Baylin."

She shook her head and didn't say another word. She opened my bedroom door and there was Tayden. His index finger in his mouth and a worried expression on his face. He was pacing back and forth behind the door. She looked at him in disgust. "I guess I was wrong. I guess I was wrong to think that you were different, that you were my friend too. " She spit on him , grabbed her purse from the table by the front door and left.

I looked at Tayden, not know what to think or say. He wiped the spit from his shirt and walked toward me as I lied back down on the bed. "She hates me," I sobbed, "she really does. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I brought you into this. I should have just told her. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want her to treat me differently." I was still shaking and Tayden climbed into my bed and pulled the covers over me and sang softly.

I knew my eyes were going to be swollen from crying so much. "Tayden, I love you, pease don't be mad at me too." I knew he was frowning as I said this, " I couldn't be mad at you."



I woke up the next day to a silent house. Baylin never came home. She probably stayed at her parents or Isaac's or...I don't know. I sighed and grabbed some water and took a pill. I was sore, nauseaous, and depressed.

Tayden was at Tony's Treasure's working. I didn't know if Baylin worked today or not. All I knew was that she wasn't here. I walked to my bathroom and brushed my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed how much thinner it was. I didn't cry, I didn't do anything but stare and run my fingers through my hair again. And that's when I decided that I was going to shave it off. I was going to shave off my entire head.

I walked to Tayden's room and went through his things. I found his electric razor that he rarely ever used and went back to my bathroom. Three months from now, if someone were to shave my head, I probably would have cried. I loved my hair. It was long and soft.

But today, I didn't cry. I didn't get upset. I just did it. I shaved my head and watched the rest of my hair fall into the bathroom sink. I wonder what Patrick's going to say. I guess I'll find out next time I see him.Which was going to be soon, because I was going to tell him everything. I'm not holding this back from anyone anymore. Next chemo session, I wanted nothing more than my best friend to go with me..



Nothing was on TV so I put in a movie and watched WALL-E all by myself. That is...Until Baylin walked through the front door and dropped her bag and jaw as she saw my hairless head. "What did you do?" Was all she said. I smiled, missing the sound of her voice. But I was scared still. She hated me. I would hate me too.