Downpour

My stomach was doing flips. I wasn't feeling well all day and when Baylin came into my room and told me she was preggers with my cousin's baby. I didn't know what my body wanted to do next. I didn't know whether it wanted my heart to drop to my stomach, my stomach to do cartwheels. I didn't even know what to think. Sure, I kept a big secret from her. But this was pretty big too. Here was my best friend, looking at me with tears in her eyes. "Say something, Rain."

But the truth is. I really didn't know what to say. I didn't know whether I should be mad at her for keeping this from me for so long, or if I should be happy that she's going to have a kid with an amazing guy like my cousin. I felt betrayed though. It all clicked though. How her and Tayden were acting awkward, ow she didn't want to drink when we were on that camping trip. And most of all, though I'd never tell her, I could see that she was getting a pudge. Surely she couldn't have just gotten pregnant, right?

"When did you find out?" I asked while staring at her blankly. "Around three months ago..." She tried desperately to wipe the tears from her eyes. I got up from my bed and walked to my bathroom without saying a word. "Rain, where are you going?" Silence. "Rain, please don't ignore me." She continued to sob.

I returned to the room with a box of tissues and gave them to her. This made her cry a little harder. Was she expecting me to blow up on her? Yeah, I was pissed off at her. But I'm not going to waste my time being upset with her when I needed to enjoy that time with her. I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could, I wanted to make as many memories as possible with her. She was my best friend afterall. I didn't want us to hate each other. I didn't want to be mad at her or make her cry more, but I was going to tell her how I felt.

"I'm not going to ignore you. I'm just...I feel betrayed. I know I didn't tell you about the cancer. But a baby? With my cousin. Come on, we took baths with him when we were little and we grew up with him and he's like a brother to me and that's just...That's just awkward. It's going to take time for me to get used to it. And Tayden knows?"

Baylin nodded her head and blew her nose into the tissue. I felt bad for Tayden. Not because he was having a kid, but because of everything. He was probably more stressed out than we are. Especially having to keep our huge secrets from each other. I never took into account how this was effecting him. The weight he has to carry on his shoulders seems almost unbearable right now. I sat on my bed and pulled my best friend into my lap as she cried. I kissed her forehead and rubbed her belly. "I'm going to spoil the shit out of you, baby." Baylin laughed lightly at the words that came out of my mouth. But truth is, I didn't know if I was going to be able to even seen this baby anyway.

We got up from my bed and Baylin went to talk to Tayden while I got dressed to visit my family. I have't seen or talked to them in awhile. So I was going to visit them, despite how absolutely awful I felt.

~*~

My mom greeted me at the door with a hug. "Oh, honey," she started to tear up, "your hair. M-my poor baby." I asked her not to cry, I've dealt with enough tears to last me a lifetime. I knew she couldn't help it though, and neither could Dad. They both hugged me and wouldn't let go. "Guys...Guys....I don't want to die right here. I'd like some oxygen." Mom sniffled, "Yeah, right. I'm sorry, baby." I wasn't a baby anymore though. I was there only baby, but I was still not a 'I need a rattle and a diaper change pronto' baby.

I took a pill for a queasiness before I got to my parents house because I knew my mom wouldn't let me leave the house without eating something and she was making spaghetti. I absolutely loved spaghetti. While we sat at the dinner table it was quiet. I wanted to break the silence, but I didn't know what to say. "The spaghetti is delicious, Mom." She nodded her head, barely taking a bite. "If you're not going to eat your spaghetti, I will. " I was only kidding because if I ate more spaghetti it'd probably cancel out the pills and I'd barf everywhere.

Trying to lighten the mood, I offered to play a game. I went into the cubby hole and grabbed card games and board games. "Now, pick. Cards or boards?"

"How about we play charades?" Mom loved that game, she always suggested it at family gatherings. It was absolutely ridiculous.

After hours of playing the game, I decided that I should go home. I hugged my mom and dad goodbye as if it was the last tie I was going to be able to do it. And who knows? Maybe it was going to be my last time. "You're strong, baby. You can do this." I nodded my head, "I know, Mom. Goodnight." There I go again, lying. But in this case, Mom already knew that I had it. She just was trying to be optimistic about the situations. And in situations like these, it's basically a rule that you have to be optimistic.

Instead of going home, I stopped at Tony's Treasures. I haven't been there since I started chemo. Tony was working, of course. Tayden had the day off. I walked in, the door making a clanging noise behind me. Tony looked up from the paper and gave me a double take...Maybe even a triple take. "Rain?" I smiled, "That's me."

"You look like you got hit by a bus. And what happened to your hair? Tayden said you were sick or something... But never said how sick. " I nodded my head and bluntly said, "Cancer." It didn't bother me to tell people anymore. I wasn't going to be upset about it. I just didn't want anyone to pity me. We stood there and talked the entire time. Not a single customer walking in. Sometimes I wondered how he kept this place running. He asked what I was going to do, how I was feeling and I did the same. After about an hour of talking, I told him that I should probably be heading home, when truth be told, I'd probably just stop at Patrick's house. It was only nine o'clock.

Tony nodded his head agreeing with me then walked from behind the counter to the trinkets that I always looked at. He came back holding a blue and clear little, diamond angel hanging from a silver chain bracelet. It was beautiful. Cheesy and probably cheap, but beautiful. "Here, it's on me. Now you'll always have an angel with you whenever you wear it. Okay, this man was the King of Cheese. I think he deserves an award. Give this man an Oscar or something, sheesh. But all in all, it was sweet. "Tony, " I tried to decline, " I can't. It's beautiful, but I couldn't. I'd feel bad."

"Think of it as a gift. You can't return gifts." I smiled as he clipped the bracelet on my wrist. "Thank you, Tony." He nodded, accepting my thank you, and told me to head home. However, home was the last place that I was going to go.

I was heading towards Patrick house when I started to feel an unwanted second serving of Mom's spaghetti. I pulled over on the side of the road as fast as I could, opened my door, and threw up on the side of the road. I carried one of those mini tooth brushes with the bead in the middle to brush my teeth and tongue. I grabbed a bottle of water that was in the cup holder, took a pill, rinse my mouth out, and did it again with the other one since it came in a package of two. I then rinsed out my mouth again and opened a peppermint and started sucking on it. I always had random things like this in my car because you never know what could happen.
Patrick's room was on the bottom floor. He lived with one of his buddies from college. He goes for culinary arts. That man sure loves to cook.

By the time I got to his place it was ten-thirty. I knocked on his window and he jumped. He was watching some horror movie and as I knocked, the girl on the television started screaming. He freaked out and jumped off his bed.

He looked out his window and saw it was me and opened it up. "You know, there is suchthing as a front door." I smiled, "But don't you think this is a little more romantic? All I'm missing is a radio above my head and you should be on the top floor." He shooked his head and chuckled, I was so awkward and he was so perfect. How in the world did I get so lucky? I was self-conscious about having less hair than...my boyfriend? Yeah, I'll call him that.

I kept my hat on the entire time I climbed through his window. It was a gray beanie. Most would say it's a bit too warm for hats, but that's because they have hair. I'm always cold to begin with too.

The woman on the television continued to scream, I gave him a strange look and he fumbled with the remote, trying to turn it off. He was shirtless and only in plaid pajama pants. I knew I've had sex with him countless times, but the site always made me blush. It was as if the Gods sculpted him and was like "Let's make everyone jealous. A dab of sexy, a dash of smarts." And then they accidently ended up dropping that dab and dash into the entire bowl creating perfection.

Pat laughed at me. "Take a picture?" I laughed too, obviously embarrassed at the fact that he saw me gawking at him. I smiled and walked to him and just hugged his waist. He hugged me back. "What's this?" He grabbed the hair and went to remove it. I let go of him and cling to the hat. I didn't like the fact that I had less hair than him. Sure, most girls have less hair on their body than their boyfriends. But I had no hair, at all. "Hey, hey," he held my face and kissed my nose then looked me in the eyes with those gorgeous eyes of his, "you don't need this. You're beautiful, okay?" He slid the hat off slowly and I looked down. He hugged me again and kissed my hairless head. "Come lay with me."

I slipped my shoes off and climbed into bed with him. "Did you make that list yet?" I told him that I completely forgot about the list. "What's something you want to do?" He asked as he squeezed my waist. I shrugged my shoulders. I really never actually thought about it. I didn't need to do anything. Sure, things sounded cool and fun to do, but I never really wanted to do them that badly. I live a pretty good life. I don't need to do anything crazy before I die like go bungie jumping. I told him that I didn't know. I just wanted to stay where I was and with who I had now.

We ended up falling asleep together that night. We just talked. We didn't have sex or do anything remotely sexual besides kissing. I woke up, it was ten in the morning and Patrick was still sleeping. His arms were still around my waist and I had twenty-seven missed calls. All from Baylin, Tayden, and my parents. I groaned and woke up Patrick. He squeezed me against him. "Don't go just yet." I turned around to face him and kissed all over his face. His forehead, his nose, cheeks, chin, corner of his lips, then finally his lips. "You have morning breath." I said with a low giggle. He blew his breath in my face. "You're so nasty. " I laughed and moved from the bed. As I got up, I felt dizzy and nauseous so I ran to his bathroom as fast as I could without falling over.

I gripped the toilet and started throwing up again. The pills for the queasiness weren't working so much anymore. But maybe it was because I just woke up and hadn't taken any. Or maybe it was because of Patrick's stinky breath, who knows? Patrick rushed to the bathroom just as quick as I did and rubbed my back since there was no hair to hold up. Trying to lighten the mood, "I really didn't think my breath was that bad." I laughed while my face was still in the toilet and removed it. "I told you that you were nasty." I probably looked disgusting.

I asked if he had an extra toothbrush and lucky me, he did. I brushed my teeth and asked him if I could take a shower. He nodded his head and turned to leave the bathroom. My stomach did flips. "You can come too..If you're not too disgusted with me." He turned back around, grabbed my hips and kissed me despite what he just saw. "Only if you want me to."

Did he really have to say that? Like, seriously? I tried to be cool, "Of course."

~*~

I drove home and parked my car in the garage. Baylin and Tayden both were home. Tayden's pickup truck had to stay in the driveway since the garage was only a two vehicle garage. I threw my keys in my purse and walked inside. There, pacing in the living room was Tayden and Baylin. Even Copper was walking back and forth, but that's probably only because he was trying to get their attention. Baylin's hair was a mess and she didn' t look like she even went to bed yet. And Tayden, well, he didn't look like he got much sleep either. Judging by the twenty-seven missed calls, I think I was in a bit of trouble. When they saw me walk through the door, I probably should have walked back out. They looked absolutely pissed. "Uh, hi guys."