Downpour

I gave my phone to Tayden and walked away from him and back to my room. My anger had died down a bit, but I was still pissed off. I had to call everyone to let the know that the baby shower had been post poned to tomorrow, Saturday, after Tayden finally gave me my phone back. Today was Friday. It's a little hard to have a baby shower when the woman who is having the baby is still in jail five hours before the baby shower. I didn't give the details as to why it wasn't going to be today, I just said Bay wasn't feeling very well and we were changing it.

My bed was seducing me once more so I climbed back into it. Even though it was only one in the afternoon. It was lonely without Patrick. I've been getting so used to sleeping with him and feeling his arms around me that I almost forgot what it felt like to be alone. His ears must have been ringing because he called me. " Hey, Beautiful." I hugged my pillow, "Hi, Handsome."

We talked about how Baylin went to jail. I didn't ask her why she was in there. Then he said he had talked to her. I held my breath. What did he talk to her about? Me? What about me? How sorry she was? Something I've only heard from her a dozen times? He told me about how lonely she felt and how she was really upset. "She messed up, babe. She feels lonely."

My chest tightened up, " Well, how do you think I feel? I was so out of the loop. " My voice got quiet, so quiet that I could hear him breathing on the other side of the phone. " Things happen. You can't stay mad at her forever. Everyone messes up and I'm sure she knows she messed up big time. People aren't perfect, Rain. I know she hurt you, and I don't want to upset you. But I know for a fact that part of you doesn't want to stay mad at her. Part of you wants to just forgive and forget, because right now, that's all you can do. "

He was right. He was always right. Pat always knew the right things to say and when to say them. "You're right... And Pat?" He was getting sleepy, I don't know why he called. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Rain." We talked for a little bit until I heard him lightly snoring then I hung up. He probably went running or to the gym and that's why he' so tired. Not to mention I have been keeping him up a lot lately. I probably should wait until Baylin and Tayden get home from jail, but I was tired myself. What's knew though, right?

~*~

I woke up two hours later to laughing and the door opening. What's so funny? It was a little after three so I decided I'd get dressed. I slipped on sweat pants and a baggy tank top. A lot of my clothes didn't fit me like they used to. I lost weight since I started chemotherapy. Sweat pants were my new best friend.

"I can't believe you punched her in the face. If I could hit any woman for saying that about Rain, I would have done the same thing. How many times did you hit her though? Geez, you'd think they'd give you a warning or something." Tayden and Baylin were at the kitchen table laughing as I stepped in. "Who said what about me?" Tayden tried to lessen the awkward-ness of me actually talking to them. "Baylin beat the shit out of some girl who was making rude remarks about you. Who knew, right? But, seriously, no more fights. I don't want you hurting the baby."

"I was well aware of the baby when I did it. She's just a bitch and needs to grow up. No one talks shit about my best friend." Those words stung. She still considered me her best friend even after I had been so rude and ignored her for so long.

As I sat at the kitchen table with them and pulled on the ends of my shirt, I knew that I would have to just come right out and say it. "I'm sorry for ignoring you guys for so long. I was just so angry at you both for hiding things from me and treating me differently."

They both looked at me and frowned. "We're sorry too. " Baylin grabbed my hand from across the table. "We'll never hide anything from you ever again." Tayden grabbed my other hand and I tried to smile, but I still felt bad.

"How about we order Chinese tonight?" Baylin shouted as she rubbed her over-sized belly. She waddled to the phone and dialed the number. Tayden and I both agreed in unison. Chinese food was my weakness. I could make love to Chinese food if it wasn't so wrong.

~*~

Today is Saturday and we all got dressed and ready for the baby shower. Guys were coming too so Tayden didn't feel so awkward. They'd just stay in the den or something, possibly the kitchen. We got wine, beer, soda, water, and juice in the fridge for everyone. I had a little glass of wine and Baylin just had a soda. She's been craving soda all day, so we had to get it.

Everyone started showing up right on time and with many gifts. Patrick even bought her one. He wouldn't tell me what it was though, because he was afraid I would tell her. I might have. I'm horrible at keeping secrets like that. I'm good with serious secrets, but gifts? I'm awful.

Baylin's grandmother even showed up. Not with one gift, but quite a lot. A little red wagon full, actually. She must have came to her senses. My parents had showed up and so had Tayden's and Baylin's as well as Allie. Even Isaac showed up. Which was a bit weird because I don't remember calling him and telling him that there was a baby shower or that it was today. So Baylin must have told him or Allie. Allie has a big mouth. She's also been all over Isaac since he got here.

"You're cute. How come we've never had a chance to actually talk or become that great of," she looked him up and down and winked, " friends?" I liked Allie. She was funny, cool, and a little awkward. But boy, was she a slut. You'd think it'd be awkward since she used to be obsessed with Tayden, but it's not.

Her being here also got me thinking. The night of the party, she was looking for him. If she were to have found him, and if they both were drunk enough, Allie would probably be the one carrying his baby and not Baylin. I'm glad it was Baylin. Because though Allie and Tayden could have cute kids. Allie would be the worst mother ever. She'd be too busy out getting drunk or having babies with other men.
All three of our parents hugged each and every one of us. Our parents have been more accepting of the baby coming into our lives and the cancer that was already in it. Which I was thankful for. I didn't need anymore tears.

Copper was moping around the house, begging for scraps. Me, loving animals and all, would spoil him with a hot dog or too. I spoil him so much that I am surprised his stomach does not touch the floor yet!

Baylin wanted to play games, but no one, but the older woman, were really up to it. "Come on, you can win a prize!" What was the prize? It was just a body kit. Body wash, soap, bubbles, nail polish, etc... And the guy's was the same thing...only for men.

"I really don't know about this, Bay." I said laughing. She decided to open three presents each hour. A lot of them were baby clothes, diapers, toys, or things for her and Tayden. Baylin needed the clothes. She didn't like shopping for many pregnant lady clothes. Today she was wearing a pink , frilly, thin shirt with some lace here and some ribbon there. Honestly, she looked down right adorable.

~*~

Patrick ended up staying the night and helped clean up after everyone left. There were gifts, clothes, and other items all over the living room. We had no where else to put it all. If Tayden ever moved into Baylin's room, maybe we could put all that stuff into the guest room that he wa staying in. I'll ask him about it tomorrow. After all, those two love birds should probably start sleeping in the same room anyway...As long as there is no pregnant sex going on when I'm around.

I covered Patrick with kisses and snuggled up close to him. I was tired and I had a chemo appointment tomorrow. Patrick offered to take me, but I really didn't want him to. Usually, I'd have Tayden take me, Baylin every now and then if Tayden has to work. But never, ever Pat. Even after denying his offer a million times today, he still asked. "I'm not going to ask anymore because I know your answer. But I'm going to take you to the hospital tomorrow whether you like it or not, okay? " I went to argue and he put his hand over my mouth. "I said whether you like it or not." He removed his hand and kissed me gently on the lips, then my nose, and lastly my forehead.

Sleep was calling my name so I cuddled up even closer to him if it was possible. My head in his well sculpted chest, his arms wrapped around my small frame. This is where I wanted to be, right here and now.

It was difficult for me to fall asleep, by the sounds of it, Pat was still awake. I could hear him clicking the remote and changing the channel. The television in my room wasn't that fancy, nor was it that big. It was...decent. I didn't use it much, only when Pat came over and we wanted some alone time. Since every time that we tried doing something on the couch, in the kitchen, or anywhere else, Baylin would show up. She shows up at the worst times ever.

Speaking of Baylin, I heard her walk into my room and whisper to Pat. "Tayden and I are going to bed. If you need anything, you know where it's at." I felt him move, my eyes still closed and my face still in his chest. "How's she doing?" Pat shifted. "She's doing okay, I think.She doesn't really like talking about that stuff with me. I'd say ask her yourself, but she looks so peaceful right now. "

"She does, doesn't she? I love you, Rain," She knew that since I was 'sleeping' I wouldn't respond, but she said it anyway. I love her too. I love my best friend too. "Night, Pat." With that, she quietly shut the door and waddled to her room.

Patrick pushed me against him more and a smile formed on my lips. "I love you too, Rain." I didn't respond, I just kept quiet and pretended I was sleeping. I loved him too though. Those words just didn't want to come out of my mouth. I don't think I could get those words to come out of my mouth and give them enough meaning for him to actually grasp the fact on how much I care about him.

I care enough to tell him I love him, but I also care enough not to let him know right now. Telling him that I love him will just cause more damage than any three words known to man. Why would it cause damage? Because I only have so long. He and I only have so long to be with the ones we care about the most. And judging bye those three little words said earlier, he cared...A lot.

Patrick was shaking me awake and when I opened my eyes, he had a worried look plastered on his face. And that's when it happened. I could barely even hear him. "I said your name a three times, then I started shouting it and you wouldn't wake up." I squinted at his lips. Trying to make out what he was saying without letting on that I could hardly even hear him. "I'm okay," I wondered if it sounded louder since I couldn't hear if I was speaking in a proper tone. "I was just really, really tired." He tilted his head to the side. I must have sounded different.

Pat got up from my bed and put on his clothes. He had a couples shirts and shorts here from staying here before. He just never took them home. I got dressed myself. I had to leave soon, my appointment was in an hour. I have to talk to the doctor about this hearing thing. Maybe it was just for today, it came back last time...

Before the session had started, I asked the doctor about my hearing. She said it was one of the side effects from the cancer and the chemo. I asked her if I would ever get it back. she said that since it was only the second time that it has happened, it could come back within a few hours or days. Days? Days without hearing anything? Days without hearing Patrick's angelic voice, Baylin's adorable laugh, or Tayden screaming at video games because he's losing? "How am I supposed to do that? Ask everyone to write things down for me? " I knew I was shouting. "I can't hear! I don't want it to come back in a few hours or a few days. I want it to come back now!"

The doctor frowned at me and wrote on a piece of paper. " There's nothing we can do but wait. In time, your hearing may come back. But you just have to wait. You may have to start staying at the hospital soon. Judging by the looks of it, you won't be able to continue to stay at home." In time, hah. There wasn't enough time in the world. Not stay at home? I wasn't going to stay in a hospital with shitty food and the smell of cleaners.

Pat was outside the door when my session was over. He must have heard everything, and by the look of his body language and his face, I'd say my guess was correct. My phone buzzed, it must be Baylin, but no, it was Patrick, who was walking right next to me as we were walking out of the hospital.

Are you ok?

I'm far from ok. I rather not text.. I rather hear your voice...

I wanted to cry. I wanted him to tell me he loved me again and I wanted to say it right back. I wanted to hear the ocean and the birds. I wanted to hear the wind kiss the leaves on a tree and the sound of someone laughing. I just wanted to hear.