Chapter 37 : Rain

I woke up the next day in so much pain that I couldn't move. But alas, my stomach fluid and whatever else was in there wanted to come up. I slowly, painfully slowly got up from the bed which Pat and I were just laying and power walked to the bathroom. Walking was difficult, power walking even more so, and running? Don't even get me started on that.

The pain got more intense as I reached the bathroom. Gripping the toilet seat, everything came out. I couldn't reach the door to shut it,so I hoped that I wasn't waking up Patrick. I shrieked as I threw up in the toilet again. I look over at the door and standing there was a quiet Baylin. She was used to coming into the bathroom in the mornings. "There, there Rai. I'm here."

She rubbed my back, but that only made me hurt worse. "I hurt, Bay. Everything hurts so bad. Please make it stop. Please." I cried as I threw up again.

My head was pouding. It felt as if people were driving screws into it and just pulling them out instead of gently unscrewing them....Over...and over...and over again. "Oh, God. Baylin! Fuck!" Patrick knocked on the bathroom door. "Baylin? Are you in there with her?" Baylin knew that I didn't want to wake up Patrick so she shut the door after she stepped into the bathroom.

I lied my head on the toilet seat and placed my fragile, bony hands on my head. "It hurts, Baylin it hurts, " I cried harder, knowing that wouldn't help, but it's all I could do. Maybe this was it.

Maybe my brain was finally shutting down. Maybe this is my last day. My thoughts were interuppted by a pair of hands grabbing my hands. It was Tayden. "Come on, Rai. We're going to the hospital." It hurt, his touch hurt. My body was so sore. Fuck you, Cancer. Fuck you, Chemotherapy. Fuck you, you fucking fucks.

All I could hear was Baylin crying, "I didn't know what to do." She had one hand on her stomach and the other over her mouth, her cries coming out muffled. "She's okay, right? She's not going to-"

Tayden shouted at her, cutting her off. "Don't you fucking say it."

Next thing I knew, I was out. They say that a person can only bear up to 45 units of pain. Giving birth, a woman feels up to 57. That's similar to twenty bones being fracture at the same time. That, that is what this felt like. Minus the child popping out between my cavity from below.


I was sitting at Baylin's house. Waiting for her to get dressed and for us to go to our Freshman dance. Tayden was a Junior and didn't really want to go, regardless of whether the fact that most of the Junior class was going. Baylin, however, needed a date. I forcefully had Tayden be that date. My mom came out with the video camera as I walked dow the stairs, waving my hand as if I was the new Miss United States pagent winner or the Queen. I waved and blew kisses at nothing, then at my mother and the camera.

"Thank you, thank you. You're all so very kind!" Mom zoomed in on my face and Tayden took the camera from her.

"I can see up your nose! Look at the big one, eh!?" He shoved the camera in my face and I swatted it away.

"Give me that before you kids break it!!" My mother was hardly even used to technology, but this camera, she probably loved more than me.

Mom swiped the camera from Tayden and pointed it towards him. "Auntie sees up your nose! Look at those boogies! Ha! Ha! Not so cool now Mr. Not Cool Guy."

I did a face palm and heard Baylin's voice from upstairs." I'm ready!"

"Come on down and let's see then!" Baylin took forever to get ready. We all turned towards the stairs, Mom's camera set on scoping out every step that Bay took. She made it to the landing and carefully walked down the stairs. Mom turned the camera towards me and I smiled. Baylin looked beautiful, as always. Then she turned it to Tayden and his mouth dropped, then back to Baylin.

Her hair was curled and she had it up, with loose strands hanging down. Her dress was purple and silver. It stopped just above her knees. We linked our arms together like we always did in our home videos and we all obnoxiously waved at the camera. Dad attempted to take photos as we attempted to pose. We're the Famous Trio. Always and forever.


I woke up to another white room, something up my nose, and a beeping nose. I was hooked up to wires and had an IV in. I would much rather go back to reminiscing and dreaming rather than be at this very moment right now. I felt awful. Here I was, laying in a hospital bed while my friend is going to give birth in a matter of weeks. This is too much stress on the baby, which makes me feel selfish. I rather her be stressed out than not get to be with her every second. I don't want to waste a second, minute, or hour without my best friend. Without Tayden, Mom, Dad, Patrick, or anyone.

Baylin walked into the room with flowers. Strike that, Baylin waddled into the room with flowers. No one had followed in behind her, but below her there was a little four legged animal. Copper.

She forced a smile. I knew she had to force it with everything she had because it wasn't her. It wasn't her smile. The corners of her mouth lifted up slightly, then she went back to a blank face. "How are you feeling?" She picked Copper up and placed him over her oversized belly.

I scoffed, but smiled right after, scratching Copper behind the ears. He licked my hand as I turned my attention to the television.

Aladdin was playing on the TV across the room. Baylin must have put it in. All I wanted to do was fall back asleep, but I couldn't bring myself to shut my eyes and just forget the world. Because who knew? Maybe this time I wouldn't wake up.

Baylin kept her eyes glued on me whilst mine were glued to the movie. "You know what I would wish for if I had three wishes?" I was fixed on the television as I said this. I fought back tears and told her my first wish.

"I would wish that that beautiful baby girl that you're going to have would have an above amazing life, you and Tayden as well, of course." She looked as if she was going to stop me, but nothing she could say or do would do just that. I held my free hand up to stop her.

" My second wish would be that everyone would be okay after I have gone." I forced my tears back, I didn't want to cry. No today, Cancer. Not to-fucking-day, you fucker.

"And my third wish? I wish I could see you hold that little one in your arms. But, " I tried to laugh and looked down at all the wires, " it looks like I might not get my third one."

Baylin sniffled and wiped her eyes, "Why not wish for the cancer to be gone, huh? You're not allowed any of those wishes. Because you won't need to make any of those wishes because you're going to be here."

I knew she was speaking with lost hope. I knew that she knew that I wasn't going to be around much longer. I knew that she knew that I knew that. But she tried her best anyway, Baylin always tried her best and succeeded in everything that she did. However, her best wasn't good enough.

"C'mere." Baylin got up from the chair and put her stomach by my hand. She lifted my lanky hand and placed it on her belly. I rubbed her belly and began to hum. I didn't have a song stuck in my head, I didn't hum a song or just any note. I just hummed a single, made-up tune from the top of my head. When I did, the baby kicked. Baylin smiled, really smiled. A tear escaped my left cheek and she brushed it away. They haven't told me her name, I highly doubt they even figured it out. They could hardly decide on anything together. And a name? That this child has to bare for the rest of her life? They better choose wisely.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Bay..."