Chapter 39 : Rain

The conversation between Patrick and I had brought , not only me, but him to tears. I guess I couldn't really imagine losing someone. But then again, I could. I was going to lose everyone and everyone was going to lose me. I was going to lose the only man that I have ever loved. This was beyond unfair.

If there was a God, which I'm sure there is, then why was he being so cruel? Why was he doing this to me? To my friends? To my family? I don't hate Him. But I don't think I should be happy with Him either. Afterall, look at me? Barely living, hanging on by a thread, and hooked to a bunch of fucking wires and stupid machines that keep me up at night.

It's hard to believe that just about a year ago, I was perfectly fine, despite the constant migraines. I was laughing and smiling more, I was running, eating as much food as I wanted without having to worry about tasting it a second time.

Pat stayed the night, even though the nurses continued to come in. Finally, phew, they gave up. If they wouldn't let him stay with me, then I was going to get off this damn hospital bed the best I could and walk my happy, half naked ass out of that hospital. I wanted to do that more than anything right now. I wanted to walk out, lie on the beach, listen to the waves crash against the shore, and just forget the world. Forget about the tears, sobs, the medication, the cancer, the pitiful glances that I'd get from people. Just forget everything that's gone so terrible wrong.

They say that everything happens for a reason. This all better be for a damn amazing reason.

Pat came back from the cafeteria. "What took you so long?" He grinned from ear to ear. "I'm hoping that this doesn't make you sick, but I brought you something."

"If it's the cafeteria food here, I rather starve." I gave him a 'I seriously mean it look' and he laughed. God, was I going to miss his laugh.

He kissed my chapped lips, I'm surprised he could. I probably looked disgusting. But I guess that's real love. Taking a person as they are, their flaws and all. Their bumps, bruises, scars, everything.

He pulled a Burger King bag from behind his back. "Oh...My....Word...You did not!"

"Yes, I did, baby. I brought you fries.It's the only thing I could sneak in. I'm sure if they smelled a Big Mac, they'd be all over that shit. "

My eyes went wide, "Give them to me. "

"What do you say?"

"Please and I love you, so much."

"I love you, more." He replied with a small smile and held a french fry over my lips. I haven't had anything that delicious in a very long time.

"You do not. I love you, more."

He shook his head and reached into his bag. "I also brought movies so you didn't have to watch shitty shows."

"What'd you bring me?" I gave him my biggest smile. "WALL-E, Transformers, Sherlock Holmes, Howl's Moving Castle, UP,...and don't laugh..Pretty Woman."

I almost choked on my fry, "Really? Pretty Woman?" He started to get defensive. "It is a classic! And Julia Roberts is fine!"

"Finer than me?" I pouted. I missed having normal conversations like this. I didn't have to worry about the Cancer being brought up or him getting upset anymore. I'm sure on the inside though, all he wanted to do was break down like earlier, beg me to stay, beg me to not leave him.

"I said she was fine, not beautiful." I blushed and the heart monitor could tell everyone that it made my heart skip a beat.

He put in Pretty Woman, sat in the chair next to the bed, and held my hand.

"Patrick.. I love you. " He averted his eyes from the tv and looked at me. I loved his touch. It was warm, soft, comforting. He pulled a black Sharpie out of his pocket, why it was in there, I do not know. "Close your eyes." I slowly shut my eyes, trying deperately not to take a sneak peek as to what he was writing on my hand. He kissed my hand, "Now open your eyes." Written in his perfect handwriting, for a boy, were the words "I love you most, Beautiful."


Patrick stayed with me all day. Even when my parents had visited. My mother was hysterical. My father was at a loss for words. They stayed for hours. All Patrick did was sit in the chair furthest from the hospital bed and looked at me with a blank expression.

Mom had brought a photo album with her and asked for Pat to come over and look at it with us. " That's her and Tayden. Look how tiny she was. "

"Yeah, and look how fat Tayden was!" I laughed lightly and coughed shortly after. " I think that's my favorite. " Patrick pointed at a photo of all of us together- Tayden, Bay, and I. We were in our Halloween costumes. Tayden was a Power Ranger, Baylin was a bumble bee, an I was a pumpkin. We were still kids back then. When all we had to worry about was who was going to trade who candy bars and who had the most candy out of all of us.


Baylin had came into the room with a present in her hand, Patrick had went home to talk to his family. "Hey, it's not my birthday, silly. Then again, I'm not going to be having too many of those, am I? " I laughed and quickly stopped myself as I saw her face fall. "Give me, give me, give me!" I coughed and took the two presents into my scrawny hands.

"I really don't want you opening them until I'm gone. So I will leave in a bit, okay? As much as I don't want to. But I will be back tomorrow. The nurses are throwing a fit since I came in passed visiting hours. I love you, Rai." She kissed my forehead and rubbed my bald head. I felt a tear hit my head and slowly slide down. "Don't cry, Bay. No more crying. From now on, promise me you won't cry anymore until I'm gone, okay?"

Baylin looked away from me, "Hey, I mean it, please?" As a tear fell from her flawless face, she nodded her head.

" I love you too, Bay. Now go home and get some rest. Kick Tayden in the butt for me too. Maybe pinch it, I don't care, just do it. And tell him I love him too."

She quietly nodded her head once more, grabbed her purse, and left the room.

When I opened the presents, they were not what i had expected. They both were photos in frames. One was when I had my hair. We were at the beach taking photos together. We were in front of our awful sandcastle. It was the day when I had my first seizure.

The other photo was of her, Tayden, Patrick, and I. We were all in the living room.Baylin's big belly was showing and Tayden's arm was draped over her shoulders. I was on the couch with Patrick. My head on his chest and his arms around my shoulders as well. I had no hair then. I looked so small, so fragile in his arms. Baylin looked beautiful, as always. Why she gave them to me, I do not know. I wouldn't have them much longer. I took the Sharpie that Patrick had accidently left on my bed and wrote on the back of the photo frame.

Dear Baylin,

By the time you read this, you know where I will be. That's so cliche. If there is a Heaven, which I hope there is, that is where I am right now. If not, it's probably from all the premarital sex I was having and all the underage drinking that I have done in the past.I just wanted to let you know how much I love you, and these photos are beautiful.You better hang this shit in our house, seriously.

Baylin, I love you with all my heart. You are the greatest friend and (like) sister that anyone could ask for. I know that once that little girl is here, you're going to be the best mother that anyone has ever seen. As for Tayden, though he may get a bit protective over her, he's going to be the best dad ever. I'll be watching over you, all of you. (Of course not in a dirty, I'm going to creep on you kind of way.) Ha.

This is it, Bay. This is where my life ends even though yours is just beginning. So get ready, there's a big journey ahead of you, make your life worth it. You made mine.

I love you, always,
♠ ♠ ♠
Gosh, sorry. We both work so much now it's ridiculous. This is waaay overdue so I'll post the next chapter too.