Suicide Season

The next few months were a blur. It didn't hurt when me and Ben called it off. It was quite natural actually. I'd lost contact with Oli again since Warped tour and that bugged me a lot. It seemed to be a one sided relationship. I spent most of my time now rebuilding the loss of communication I had with Mrs Sykes, Tom and my mum and Charlotte. Tom's birthday was our next family reunion and both the bothers had their hair cut short now. Oli's still longer but Tom's was quiffed. Tom had also started his own clothing range Lives and Levels. I'd saved my money to by my best friend a new camera and stand for his love of photography. We went drinking that night an I had to spend the evening watch an all over each other Oli and Megan and to make things worse on my lack of self esteem someone (Tom) decided to tell me she was a model. Was I slowly giving up on the hope I had for me and Oli? Maybe so. So I got royally smashed. Oli had been changing suddenly and I didn't really notice it until his birthday.

I left his present, a bottle of his favourite aftershave and a pair of vans on the side and walked into the guarded where everyone was stood. I mingled with the guys from the band and unfortunately consciously avoided the man of the day. He took his top of at one point as he'd spilled something. I'd walked into the kitchen just after to get another soft drink. I stopped in my tracks and almost gasped at his colourful figure in front of me. You could see his hips, the outline of his ribs and his collar bones more prominently. If his hair wasn't enough to change (I didnt much like it short) then this was the last of My once scene queen Oli to go and that broke my heart. I ran for the hallway before he could spot me.

I rested on the staircase for support and grabbed at my chest willing it to loosen so I could breath and willing the tees not to fall. I was worried, in love and heartbroken. Tom and Oli's mum came in search of me.
"Robyn, what's wrong?" they asked in unison.
"he's so different." I gasped
"he's still your Oli." his mum replied "I know his look has changed and hos weight has dropped dramatically but he's still Oli."
"he wont listen to anyone who cares he's being stubborn recently." I cried then remembering him as mine
"I have to go tell Oli, I'm sorry." I ran for my car. Drove around the corner and bawled my eyes out. Anyone driving by would think something tragic had happened.

When I got home I made my self a cup of tea and sat on the sofa with a box of our old memories. I fell asleep with my favourite print (the one Tom took just over a year ago) a perfect weight Oli with long hair and a cluster of beautiful tattoos holding me on his back. I was woken by a loud knock on the door. As I streched another knock was followed by a desperate "Robyn let me in!" in Oli's voice. I opened the door he took one look at me and took me into his arms "What's wrong babe?" I could smell his sent, my Oli. 
"Stop it! Stop pretending to care! It's killing me! You don't seem to be my Oli anymore! You're too skinny! You've changed, you've given your heart to another!" he shuffled us in and shut the door as I protested against his arms once we were in he let go.
"I haven't changed. Yes my hair has been cut, my style has changed and I'm loosing weight uncontrollably because Megan is on a diet! I still live you but yes megan is someone I have grown to like more and more."
"YOU dont need to be on a diet! She doesn't need to be on a diet! I hate it when models do that it's wrong." he sighed
"you know?"
"you forget your brother is my best friend Oliver! So she is? Fine. I give up! I have nothing on her. I'm just a plain old frumpy radio presenter from Wales!" I ran to my room in tears. Oli followed seconds later. Sat on the ed next to me and put an arm on my shoulders.

"Just because she's a model doesn't mean you don't have anything on her. You are the most, elegant, funny, beautiful inside and out woman I have err laid eyes on. I regret so much loosing you letting you become a shell of yourself. I sit at home alone sometimes and kick myself when I imagine you playing with Oskar like you used to and just pounding around quickly tidying in my T-shirts before you came back to bed. I wonder everyday what you're doing and why I'm not there watching you do it or listening to you rant about it. I listen to your radio show every time it's on. Robyn if you were plain I wouldn't love you like I do. And how many times do I have to tell you you arent frumpy you're perfect? I kick myself for how I lost such a perfect thing like you. How I tarnished a perfect diamond like you." he started crying too "Robyn Louise Holley I could never ever love someone the way I do and will always love you...have faith please." we cried more and eventually  fell asleep in each others arms it was one of the best sleeps I'd had. 

When I awoke I could feel the coldness of my bed. The scent of him still there but the pot of my stomach and my logical sense screamed it was a dream. However when i turned and felt the note i bolted up and read in hope. "I'm sorry i had to go. Never forget I love you and everything will work out to fates design like you always used to tell me. Cheer up flash that beautiful smile once more imagine I'm smiling at you (because I know how much you love it) I will be in your arms one more time giraffe. I love you. Your scene queen xxxx"
I got up and cried, I'd never felt so alone but a part of me felt he was telling the truth