Kiss the Lips Of Evil

Andy had been gone for a while. I was sitting on the blanket waiting for him to come back, but it’s been 5 minutes already. I was starting to get worried. Maybe I should go look for him.
Just as I stood up to go find him, Andy came walking out of the woods. “Hey Andy, I was just about to come look for you.” I smiled walking over to him. I leaned in to kiss him, but he pushed me away. He had a panicked look on his face. “What’s wrong?” I asked. He grabbed me and held on to me tight. “Andy what happened?”
“Nothing happened! Let’s just eat, OK?” He said letting me go and sitting down on the blanket. I handed him a sandwich and he nibbled at it. We sat in a comfortable silence watching the lake. The way the sun gleamed off the surface. Andy finished his sandwich then looked over at me with a saddened frown. I looked at him and he quickly snapped his attention back to the water.
“I bet its cold.” He trailed off.
“What’s cold?” I asked. Before he answered Andy walked over to the water and stripped off his shirt and pants then jumped into the water. What the hell? He resurfaced farther out from the shore.
“Andy what the hell?!” I called out to him. He obviously wasn’t paying attention to me. “Andy! Get out of there!” He looked over at me and swam to the water’s edge.
“Ash, the water feels good; cleansing. You should get in.” I smiled at him.
“No thanks. Get out of there before you get sick.” Andy climbed out of the water without a second thought. I looked at his scars, beat red. They brought tears to my eyes. “Andy, I think we need to talk about those.” I pointed at them and he looked down, horror in his face. He had forgotten about them. He walked over to the blanket. I dried him off carefully and he pulled on his cloths again.
“When do you want to talk about it?” He asked silently when I finished packing up the truck.
“Do you wanna go home first?” I asked. He wasn’t looking at me again. Great. He shook his head yes. I missed seeing his shimmery blue eyes. The way they looked at me with love, respect, care. The way they look when he smiles at me. I missed it, but I’m afraid now that I’ll never get to see it again. “OK.” We got into the truck and drove home the same way we drove there. No contact.
The walk up to our apartment was even worse than the car ride because we both knew what would come out of this next conversation. Nothing good can ever come of having to talk to someone who cuts. I managed to unlock the door through blurred vision. My tears were streaming from my eyes. Andy and I walked in, I closed the door behind us, and we both sat on the couch together.
“How do we start this?” I asked. Andy didn’t look at me. “Where is it Andy?” I asked. I guess the best way to help him is to get rid of whatever he was using to do this to himself. He slowly reached under the couch and pulled out a little black box. Written on the top, in his handwriting, was ‘Think Before You Act’. He handed me the box and curled up into the fetal position on the couch. I opened the box and on the inside was a shiny razor blade. It brought on more tears, but I got up, walked into the back room, and threw the box out of the window as close to the trashcan area as I could get from the 15th floor.
I walked back into the living room slowly. Andy was still in the same position on the couch. I sat next to him and pulled him into me.
“Why would you do this Andy? What made you start cutting?” I said in a low voice. I was trying not to cry or sob too much, but it wasn’t working. Andy was already in tears.
“It’s your fault.” I felt a twinge in my heart, like it shattered into a million little pieces. Tears were flowing down my face; a lump was caught in my throat. I couldn’t speak, I let go of Andy and covered my face with both of my hands. This was entirely my fault. I caused me angel this pain. I didn’t deserve to live if I caused the person I love pain.
After a while, I was able to regain my voice. “What did I do Andy?” I was trying not to sound too pathetic, but it just came out as a desperate plea. “What did I do to cause you this much pain?”
“You’ve been using me Ashley. Remember when we first started off our relationship, you told me that you would never use me! Well guess what, that’s all you’ve been doing isn’t it? The only thing you want from me is sex. You don’t actually love me. You’ve never actually loved me. I bet you and Jess are still together. You’re with me so you can break up with me and cause me pain because that’s what Jess wants. She wants to break me and you’re helping her. That’s what’s happening isn’t it? Answer me damn it!” He was shouting at me. I couldn’t speak because I was in total shock.
“Andy, why would you think that? Why would I use you? How many times do I have to tell you that I love you, no matter what? I fell in love with you, not your body.”
“So are you saying I’m ugly?” he basically shouted.
“No! You’re beautiful. The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Why would I want to use someone so beautiful? What makes you think I’m just using you for sex? If I were doing that, would I have invited you to live with me? Would I have announced in front of our fans how much I loved you? Would I have gone to go get matching tattoos with you if I didn’t love you? If I didn’t love you, would I have taken care of you when you were in pain? Where in between all of that did you think I was using you?” I tried to talk through my anger and sadness. He sat quiet.
“Andy, if I didn’t love you, would we be having this conversation. If I didn’t love you, then I wouldn’t care that you decided to cut yourself. But I do. I care about you because I love you. I love you so much that it hurt when you didn’t look at me. It hurt when you didn’t talk to me. It hurt when you cried to me and I couldn’t do anything to help you because you didn’t talk to me. Andy, you are my world. If you’re upset, or don’t talk to me, or if you ever left me, I don’t think I’d be able to live. I would have nothing. When I tell you you’re my everything, I’m not joking. You’re all I have.”
We sat in quiet tears. Andy didn’t even look up at me. I bare my soul to him, and he’s got nothing to say. He looked up at me, his lips trembling.
“Ashley, I- I’m such a bad person. The things I’ve done, I’m so sorry. I wish I could take them back, but I can’t. I can’t change what I’ve done. I’m sorry Ashley. Please forgive me.” He broke. I grabbed him and pulled him into me.
“It’s OK Andy. We’ll get through this. It’s just a rough patch. I promise that it’ll get better.”
“No, that’s not it. That’s not all I’ve done. I’m a bad person.” I felt a twinge in my heart again.
“What else have you done Andy?” I asked. He shook his head no.
“I don’t want to say it.” He cried.
“It’s OK. It’s OK. You can tell me when you’re ready. I promise that I won’t dwell on it. I won’t make you tell me either, OK?” He shook his head yes. We were both in tears. If someone were to be watching this, they would probably be yelling at us to kiss and make up. “Andy, is it OK if I kiss you?” I asked. He looked up at me.
“Why would you want to kiss me? After I caused you so much pain?” He said through sobs.
“Because, no matter what you do, I’ll always love you.” I pressed my lips to his. It had been forever since we last kissed. It still sent sparks through me. I started crying again. I missed this so much. Having him close to me. I missed having him pressed against me. I missed the closeness. I broke away. “Never let me go. OK?” I rested my forehead against his.
“I promise to never let go. Ever.” He pulled me into him and embraced me. I missed him so much. My Baby. I never wanted to go through anything like this again. I never wanted to let him go.