I Wish I Could Float Away.

I'm not the sort to take things lightly, everything that is said to me goes straight to my heart and usually sticks there. I'm basically a grudge holder, and I can hold onto grudges longer than I've lived. For example, when I was in second grade, a third grader decided to steal my lunch box from me and pee in it, before giving it back to me. The only good thing that came from it was my mothers reaction, but I hated the guy who had done it for years after as it was an original Pokémon one, and was rare as it was, these days it would probably be worth a lot.

The memory made me give out a light chuckle, remembering the good old days, as I pulled on my work clothes, clean and ready for the day. I didn't bother with getting a shower, I didn't need one, maybe tonight though. I ran a hand through my hair, looking in the mirror to see my dull brown eyes staring back at me, emotionless. I guess I've gotten quite good at hiding my emotions after all of these years, or I just don't feel anything anymore. I stared at myself, pointing out all of the reasons no one would ever love me, or even remotely care for me as much as Sierra.

I looked at my hair, an overgrown mop that was a horrible shade of dark brown covered my eyes and sprouted over my ears in uneven tufts. My eyes were exactly the same shade as my hair, no emotion except tears of pain visible, a thin rim of red lining the outsides from the constant crying that Sierra made me fall into. My eyebrows looked like two brown, hairy slugs had been propped on my forehead. My cheeks had rough stubble dotted over them, prickly little hairs jutting, making my skin tone even more uneven than it was. I stopped there - I'm not looking at my body, I know my body as ugly as hell without even having to think about it. No one wants someone who has their ribs clearly visible all across their chest, it was unnatural. I hate my body, but I don't have the appetite to eat more so I can put on weight.

I sighed, picking up my keys from the dressing table before exiting my room, hearing two voices exchanging small talk in the kitchen. I felt my body go stiff as I recognized one of them, and I stopped in my tracks completely. I listened to them talk for a few seconds, trying to listen to their conversation. I moved forward into the kitchen cautiously, peering into the small room to see the two figures facing away from me. Sierra was one of them, she was standing and at the counter, probably making a cup of coffee. The other was sitting down, and the sight of her made my blood boil - I hated this girl, I hated Taylor Jardine. I swear she is out to get me, she probably thinks I am trying to take Sierra away from her, even though I've known Sierra longer than her. It didn't make sense, really.

I cleared my throat as I stepped into the kitchen, both women turning to look at me. I could feel Sierras smile, but then I felt Taylors burning glare hit me, and I flinched as I looked at her. She knew that she caused me emotional pain, and I knew she loved it.

"Good morning Alex!" Sierra chirped as she came over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck, hugging me close. I hugged her back, my arms snaking around her waist as I rested my head on hers, relaxing into her embrace. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at Taylors obvious glare she was sending toward me. I just held onto Sierra, until she leaned away slightly, pecking my cheek as she did. I let go of her, and made my way to the table, sitting at my usual place, which just so happened to be opposite Taylor. I looked up at her, and I saw the anger in her eyes as she looked at me, making my avert my eyes instantly, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

I sat in silence as Taylor and Sierra talked, not eating anything on my plate which Sierra had given me. I really didn't want to eat whilst Taylor was here, it made me feel vulnerable when I ate in front of people, and Tay wasn't someone that I wanted to see me eat. Ever.

It wasn't long until Sierra and Tay left, however, and I was left clueless as to why they had both come around to my apartment, especially Tay. I decided to leave as soon as they had, not wanting to be around my grubby apartment for much longer.

I walked to work again, seeing as Sierra hadn't offered me a lift, and I didn't drive. I made my way up the path faster than usual today, my pace making me bump into people on the crowded sidewalk. I didn't turn to say sorry as I practically sprinted down the path. I was thankful I had grabbed my hoodie, the cold was nipping at my face as I sped toward the Starbucks I worked at. I eventually slowed down as I hit the door with a soft thud, giving enough space for me to slip through the thin gap. I turned my head around, and noticed that it was practically empty today, even as it was nearing 12 o'clock. My eyes landed on a dark haired boy, his hair was messy, and he was already looking at me. I looked away before he to more notice in me, and walked over to Matt, who said I could leave my hoodie on today as not many people were in at the moment.

Before I could say thank you to Matt, Zack came over to me with a small smile playing on his lips, and I instantly frowned at him, daring him to say anything to me, and he did, after looking over his shoulder, for some reason.

"'Lex," he started in his usual sweet voice, using the name that only Sierra was allowed to call me, and my fists instantly balled up. I tried to keep in my anger as the boy smiled at me, and somehow I managed to, and I just ended up giving him the glare I gave him out of habit. "Can I ask you something?" He asked, his voice become slightly more timid as he spoke, fear starting to seep out of his words.

"Don't call me that," I snapped at him, my fists tightening more, my nails began to dig into my palms as I did so.

"Call you what? 'Lex?" He started to look scared, and he stepped back a little. I saw his lip quiver slightly as he looked at me, his eyes widening as he heard my angry voice whip out at him.

"Yes, that," I said sharply, before pushing past him so I could get into the backroom, to try and calm down. I knew I should have been like that with him, but the fact that Tay was around earlier didn't exactly help my mood, anything would probably set me off one way or another today, I might end up breaking down in front of a customer because they ordered my deceased brothers favourite drink knowing me.

After a few minutes, I opened my palms to see if any damage had been done to the soft skin. Thankfully, I only saw little indents in the skin as I inspected them, and no blood, meaning I wouldn't have to wear band aids, Matt was very keen on making people wear band aids when they were injured for some reason, especially Mickey Mouse ones. I hated those band aids, as they were too bright and cheery for me, they definitely didn't reflect my mood one bit.

I heard Matt call my name from the front, and so I made my way toward the counter, my eyes landing on Matt as he told me to just serve the customers, obviously aware that I was feeling rather wound up right now. Matt usually let me off a lot, saved my skin, as he knew my situation, Sierra had practically been my mother and told him that I was going through a 'rough patch', which has turned out to be longer than Matt had first anticipated.

I made my way over to the counter quickly as a few people waited for me to reach them. I ringed up their orders within a few minutes, and everyone waiting was then served soon after by Zack with their coffees. I leaned on the counter for a few minutes, looking down at my hands as I waited for another customer. I just thought about the things Sierra sad to Tay earlier, things like I love you, and I missed you. I wish there was someone in my life who could tell m those things and honestly mean it, but no one could love me, not in this state.

I looked up as a man sauntered his way over to the counter, the same man who had been staring at me as I had entered around fifteen minutes earlier. I looked at him in confusion as he made his way over, did he wait for me to start serving, or was he just waiting for someone else? I shook my head slightly, and brushed my long fringe out of my eyes as I looked up at his chocolate brown ones. An instant blush rose to my cheeks, so I looked down at my hands as I greeted and asked him what he would like to order. I looked up at him once more to see his tongue dart across his lips, and my cheeks reddened even more, so I turned my head completely, practically kicking myself for acting like a school girl with a crush on the other man. Hopefully he didn't notice me blushing.

"Actually my friend Zack works here I was wondering if you could let him know I'm looking for him?" He said, his voice surprisingly higher than I'd have expected it to be, I would have thought he'd have a husky tone to it, but it was just like Zacks. Huh. Probably from the same area, or something. They obviously knew each other, why else would the man be asking for the younger one?

I turned to find Zack, somehow I managed to knock my sleeve up my arm when I nudged the till, the rows of scars on my arms visible to the mysterious man across the counter. I looked up at him in shock as he stared at my arm, so I quickly pulled my sleeve down before someone Zack would notice, I really didn't want someone like Zack seeing my scars, it would just make everything worse.

I turned, red in the face, to find Zack, as soon as the man told me he wouldn't tell anyone, so I mumbled a quiet "thanks" to him. I saw Zack rummaging through one of the cupboards, trying to find coffee, so I touched his shoulder and nodded to the man at the counter. Zack seemed to know him instantly, so I took it as my queue to leave them alone for a few minutes before I want back to work.

I went into the back area as I heard Zack speak to the man, but I didn't catch what he said, so I just continued to step into the room which the customers weren't allowed to see. It wasn't special, it was just like any other staff room. It had chairs, tables, a few vending machines, and boxes piled everywhere. Our backroom as a cross between a staff room and a storage room, really, but we had sectioned it off so there was a seating area, and a storage area, Matt just didn't want to waste money on building things they didn't need, such as a wall separating us from the storage area.

I sat down a few minutes before I was called out by Matt once more, so I quickly entered and saw that the same man was now outside with Zack, talking with each other, were they dating? Zack didn't look like the sort to be gay... I never thought he'd be gay... but then again, I could be wrong, I usually am. I turned to Matt, who frowned at me, "Get Zack, please," He demanded, and I did as he said, walking to the younger men outside.

"Zack, Matt wants you," I said as soon as I reached the two, glaring at Zack, still out of habit. I turned and looked at the darker haired man, only to see he was already looking at me. I stared at him for a few seconds before Zack smiled and thanked me, moving past me, and the man finally introduced himself as Jack. Oh, he looked like a José or a Juan.

"Alex," I whispered to him, my eyes narrowing at him, was he up to something? No, it was just me, so I turned and walked back into the Starbucks, only for the man to grab my arm again, turning me around.

"I wont tell anyone, let me help you," He claimed and I felt my face burn up with anger as I looked at him.

"Help?" I spat at him, in a more hushed tone so that the others in the store wouldn't hear me, "do you think I want help?" I asked him stepping closer to him, trying to intimidate him but it didn't seem to work, so I just spoke again, hoping he'd back away, "if you want to help me, leave me the fuck alone, and tell your boyfriend that," I hissed and stormed back into the staff room, my eyes welling up with ears from frustration. I sat down, and placed my head in my hands.

Why did he want to help me? Was he really concerned about me, a stranger that I'd never seen before? No, it was Zack. Zack and his bloody worrying. I heard a few people yelling at each other in the front, Matt was one of them. I just didn't register it, I didn't want to, so I just sat in the back, crying silent tears.

"Alex?"

Fuck.

"Are you okay?" I heard the dancer ask, Danny the mother fucking dancer who couldn't keep his nose out of anything. I looked up at him, and I couldn't stop myself. I hit him square in the jaw. I didn't know what I was doing, I just hit him without thinking, I sent him tumbling to the floor in shock, my eyes widening as he looked up at me in fear. Was I really that scary?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I never meant to hit Danny, of course he was annoying, but I never wanted to hit him.

I ran to him and knelled next to him, more tears falling from my eyes, profanity spilling from my mouth as he held his jaw, "Danny, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," I said as I looked at him, and he just looked at he, his eyes still wide with fear. He looked at me before just nodding, as if saying 'I know'. Was he really going to forgive me that easily? I cupped my face with my hands, trying to muffle my sniffles, but it made it worse. I felt arms wrap around me, Danny's arms. I ended up hugging him back, I needed someone, even if it was someone just like Danny.

It wasn't long until Danny took me out to the front, and told Matt what had happened. He was going to fire me, i fucking hit his boyfriend. Either that, or kill me, even if Danny claimed he had forgiven me.

"Man, go home, get some rest. You look like you need it, come back tomorrow, and you better have a new attitude," Matt said, before giving me a half hug.

Wow. What just happened? Why is everyone suddenly so concerned about me? Wow. Fuck. never thought that Matt would just forgive me like that, even with my current state. This was why I liked him so much, if I wasn't like this, I might have considered making Matt and Danny friends.

I turned to see Zack at the counter, and he just pointed at Jack, telling me to go over to him. I looked over in confusion, but I complied, and walked over to him, my fingers tugging at my sleeves, making sure that they would stay down this time. I looked up at the man, hoping my eyes weren't swollen from crying, I hadn't bothered to look.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you," I stuttered to him, my eyes starting to water up once more, "I'm just-" I cut myself off, and I turned away from him, hoping he didn't see the tears running down my face, "I'm not okay,"