Forsaken Dreams

There was a new moon last night and I spent the hours in the darkness listening to the rustling of dry leaves behind the fence, my mind imagining the worst possible scenarios. Every creak I heard was the fence breaking, every scratching the zombies finally finding weakness in the metal.
 
Now the air is gray and moist and I crawl on my hands and knees closer to the warmth of the fire I made. My legs tangle in the garbage and decay that lay beneath me. I claw at the ground and am almost to the fire when I hear a zombie behind me. I look back at him. Tears caught on my eyelashes, stuck on the corners of my once beautiful eyes. I know I’m safe, for now. Living in this world is never safe. He keeps clawing at the fence trying to feast on me, taste my flesh and what’s underneath it. I shudder, as the tears finally come, releasing.
 
Tomorrow, I’ll find a new place to keep safe and warm, I’m getting way to paranoid. I start to think of what my life could of have been without all that testing the government liked to do. Without the zombies, without the apocalypse that ending the lives of many and returned them as filthy, mindless, heartless creatures. The dead. Undead. I sigh.
 
Why did he leave me? I did nothing punishable, nothing wrong. Though I shouldn’t be too angry with him. He left before the apocalypse. But why leave in the first place? What is it that I did? I’m alone, consumed in my own thoughts. It gets pretty lonely from time to time, but at least it drowns out the awful moaning sounds of the zombies. I feel like I have no purpose or goal anymore.
 
I used to be so ambitious. I used to like singing, and dancing. Especially in fields of flowers. I used to love drawing and painting. I used to love to play sports, like basketball. I used to love swimming in the hottest days of summer. I would eat ice-cream, as it would drip down my chin, causing it to be sticky. I would go to the beach, fill the spaces in my toes with sand, throw rocks in the water, build sand castles, and collect seashells. I would clean the seashells with the water and bury them.
 
When it was time to depart, I would look out the window in the car with my parents, wondering mindlessly if someone would one day find them. They were treasures. But that was then. And right now, I needed my mom and dad, I needed my friends, and teachers. I needed Jett. They were my treasures now. And that is my goal. To find them. To wish them farewell and kill them if they were Returned or love and be with them if they weren’t.
 
I know with little doubt that they couldn’t all be alive, but I have hope. It’s all I have left now. I’m stuck wondering if I should go find JJ myself, or wait here for him. He could be fighting to get to me right now, and with me gone, he would be disappointed. I couldn’t do that to him. But then again, I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing.
 
What if he was dead? What if he was in danger? I couldn’t be the one who didn’t do anything in his need of help. If he Returned, he would want me to kill him. And he needs me for that. If he was hurt or injured, how would he take care of himself? Either way he needs me. And I cant sit here being the dumbass that I am. Being stupid, helpless and pitiful. Being pathetic. I don’t want our story turning out to be me, who did nothing as he did everything.
 
Even in his last breath. I need to find him. I need to find all of them. I shivered, realizing that I finally made a goal for myself. One that I intend to do fully with all my heart and soul…