Forsaken Dreams

But it was the right thing to do.

The voice in my head said again.

And man, did I hope so. I couldn’t bear it if I hurt him. I really care about him. I started to think if even staying here in the first place, was such a good idea. I obviously cant do anything right.

I sighed in frustration. My face was buried in my hands. I sat there for most of the day. I was either crying, or deciding what I should do. But it all went back to JJ. Why? He didn’t deserve me. He walked out, why should I go find him. It wasn’t my responsibility. I just wish I knew why he left.

After awhile, I went up the stairs, slowly. I went into my room to pack up my stuff. I had my sketchbook and weapons strewn about on my bed. I wanted to make sure I got everything. Once I was done, I put my backpack by the door of the bedroom. I’m going to miss this bedroom. This room helped me feel a bit more normal from being here. How it used to be before the apocalypse.

I looked around. Everything pink and intact. The mirror still its dusty self, and so was some of the things on it and the dresser. It smelled like dust and faint sweet cotton candy. And now a little bit of me which smelled like ashes and soap. I could hear nothing but the distant moans outside this house. I felt the softness of the wool blankets on the bed and the cold draft that wafted from the windows.

A single tear escaped my eyes. I really was going to miss this room. This room was so familiar to me in so many ways. And now it was time to sleep in the dirt and the garbage, looking for the one person who walked out on me.

Pathetic? Yes.

As much as I didn’t like sleeping in dirt and garbage, not bathe for weeks, and eat very little each day…I made a promise to myself, and I cant break it. I’ve broken so many before any of this happened, I cant do that anymore.

It was time to leave. I wanted to say goodbye to Kip, but I was afraid he would lash out again and make him more upset than he already was. So I decided against it. I picked up my backpack and lifted the strap on my one shoulder.

I opened the door and stepped out. Kip’s room was next to mine, so I stood in front of the door, listening. I couldn’t hear anything. Then I thought I should go downstairs now, but as I moved one step to do so, I heard him inside of his room. He was moving too. Probably sensing someone outside of his bedroom door.

That was my queue.

I turned around and went down the stairs as fast as I could. I hesitated opening the door, but then finally opened it. I had to do this. The fresh, cool breeze blew in my face, and the scent of nature and decay drifted to my nose.

I lifted the other strap of my backpack to my shoulder.

Then I jumped off the step and ran.

There you go.

Keep going.

Never stop.

The voices kept saying.

Why are you doing this?

Go back to Kip.

He needs you.

Other voices seemed to say.

It was like I was split into two worlds. Both longing for one and the other. The past and the present. The Before, and the apocalypse. JJ and Kip.

I wanted both. And I knew I couldn’t. It had to be just one.

I ran. A teenage girl running through a swarm of moaning children, woman, and men alike. All wanting me. But I didn’t care. Not anymore. I ran with the wind blowing in my face and tears falling like rain on my frozen cheeks.

I ran, leaving a trail of the dead and ashes in my wake.