Never Again

I walk out into the cold December night in only my nighty.
Anger swells so much I can no longer feel the cold wind biting into my skin.
I storm my way down the street and into town through the snow.
I am on the phone with her.
She is the savior.
She can make it all go away with a small simple kiss.
I am halfway to her house when his car pulls into the driveway in front of me.
He gets out holding my coat.
Three small words "Baby I'm sorry."
All is forgiven.
I hangup the phone without so much as a 'goodbye' and get into his car.
He wraps my warm coat over my shoulders and turns the heat onto high.
The numbness escapes me and I feel the cold of my skin.
As we drive home his hand moves from the gearshift to my lap.
His fingers brush my cotton panties.
His fingers burn my icy flesh.
My leg twitches and he places his hand back on the shift
The phone vibrates in my bra.
Another call from her.
She is worried.
I know without speaking to her.
She knows our history.
All the things he has done in the past.
The ways he hurts me.
She knows me.
How I will go back and love him until he slips again.
Until he drinks a little more than he should.
Crosses the line again.
But now I don't want to think of all of that.
I just want to let the warmth consume me.
I ignore the call.
He takes me home.
I follow him inside the house.
He kisses my cheek as I let my phone drop onto the table.
I sigh.
Do I love him?
Or am I only with him out of convenience?
Could I ever truly have what I want?
Could she and I have a life together?
No!
So I will stay with him.
I go into the bathroom to take a warm shower.
As I undress he grabs me from behind and presses his excitement agains my panties.
He lays his head on my shoulder and takes in a deep breath.
I pull away only to have him grab me again by the hips.
Again I pull away not wanting him to touch me.
He grabs my long hair and pulls my head back so I am looking at the ceiling.
"You will let me in.
And you will not think of her while you do."
I whisper "No."
He slams my face into the sink and I fall to the floor.
I crawl away watching the blood drip from my head to my hands.
He grabs me again and punches me in the back of the head.
My ears start ringing and I look at the phone on the table.
The screen bright.
She's calling.
I get up and run for the phone and he slams his fist straight into my spine.
I fight back this time.
I punch and kick.
He throws me into a glass table.
I start to crawl through the broken glass on my hands and knees as he chases me.
His large hands wrap completely around my neck.
I dig my nails into his muscly arms.
A shot rings out in the night.
His hands tighten for a split second then he falls limply next to me on the floor.
I look into her knowing eyes.
She lets the gun fall to the ground.
I get up and run into her arms.
We both know what we have to do.
The smell of gasoline burns my nose as we drown the body in it.
I pull a gas can behind me as I walk through the house.
She is waiting for me in the yard holding a book of matches.
She lights one and proceeds to hold it to the paper of the matchbook.
We kiss quickly as she throws it into the front door.
The house erupts in flame as we watch.