Alone.

Dylan and I were together, actually together. We haven’t kissed since the confrontation in front of my locker. Yet. Baby steps. I actually don’t know how long we’re supposed to wait. He is my first boyfriend. I smile. Now I’m not pathetic. My smile grew. And, I’ve been kissed. It feels great.

Life feels like it actually wants to be my friend now. But I still cant trust it. Something will fuck up. It always does. So maybe that’s why I’m a ball of nerves whenever I’m around Dylan. I’m just afraid that it wont last. He’s my only friend. My best friend. And now, my boyfriend.

What if it doesn’t last? Would we still be friends? Would I be alone, again? I really wished I thought about this. Maybe I’m just over thinking. But I still cant let go of this thought. That one day, we wont be together, we wont be friends. And all this? Was just there to hurt me.

What if we are together for a long time, and something goes wrong, and he will hurt me even more. Because I know, I care for him so much!

The first bell rung for homeroom. I stepped out of my racing thoughts and looked around, dazed as ever. Students scurrying to get to their class. I got up, slowly and walked to Mr. Ricks class, science. Dylan is in that class. I took a deep breath. I can do this. I haven’t seen him all weekend. And we usually do, so I’m worried. Worried being together made things different. It obviously did, but make us feel different towards each other. I’m worried that he doesn’t care for me at all. That he wished we just friends. That we made a mistake.

And I hope…that these are just thoughts, not things that are or will come true.

I sigh, my palm sweaty now. I take another deep breath and walk into the classroom. I’m not late this time. I was sure of it. But I couldn’t help but noticed the glare Mr. Ricks gave me. Like I really was late and was interrupting his class.

I walked in and narrowed my eyes to where my seat was. We were assigned, why was someone sitting there? But as I walked closer, I could see who it was. I smiled. I blushed. I looked down so no one could see it. I got to my table. And sat on the other seat beside him. I could take this spot. Whatever. Its just a spot.

“Hi Dylan.” I whisper. I don’t know why. The whole class was talking until the bell rung again for class to begin. So I didn’t have to. I guess I was just shy or something. What a lame excuse.

Dylan looks at me, comes closer, and closer. He lips are right next to my ear now. And what he said, what he whispered will forever be engraved in my head. This is the first time anybody really said this.

I smiled and a happy tear almost escaped my chocolate coloured brown eyes.

He whispered to me…

“I missed you..”