Alone.

I felt alone. You feel even more alone when your surrounded with people than just by yourself.

Like today, at school as I sat at a table in the cafeteria. Alone. Sometimes, I hear whispering and I have to hope they’re not about me. Dylan wouldn't say anything. He wouldn't tell anyone. Would he?

Or maybe they were just surprised not to see Dylan with me. After all, everyone knew and liked him.

That's when I saw him.

Dylan.

He was with his friends. And he was laughing. It was like the Dylan the night I told all my secrets to never existed. Like his flaring nostrils, his narrowed and flashing eyes never formed on his face. His smile is all that's there now

What happened? Did any of it ever happen? Was it just a dream? Because he's acting as it didn't and it was all just a dream.

Now, I really need to talk to him. He cant avoid me anymore. I stand up and start walking right to him. I don’t even care that I’m in a too public place to confront him. Here's a little show for them that they can gossip about later.

I pushed his friends out of the way so I can get in front of him. He sees me now. At this point I don't know what else to do but push him. Everything reasonable and rational left my mind.

He looked shocked when I did. Even the people in the cafeteria did when they looked up. All eyes were on me.

I cant back away now. So I speak. Words that come tumbling out that I make no attempt to stop.

"What the fuck, Dylan?"
"What happened that night?"
"How could you?"

He knew what to say. He just didn't want to say it.

"You're pathetic!" Spit. It. Out!"

At this he finally did.

"You! You happened that night!" He urged, not quite screaming...yet.

"Oh? Me happened, really-"

He nods, not letting me finish. "After nine months, and you finally tell me? Something like that too! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"What? You don't think I wanted to?"

"Clearly no, BECAUSE YOU DONT TRUST ME!"

He was screaming now. His normally calm and pleasant demeanour slowly changed and his face contorted in an all - consuming anger; his nostrils flaring, his eyes flashing and closing into slits, his mouth quivering just like that night.

Even though he was beyond angry, he spoke quietly next. "We're over Mathai. I'm done."

My hands closed into fists and I crouched forward, daring him to repeat once more the words that had torn my heart into fragments, that had dashed all my expectations of 'happy ever after'. I didn't wait.

I let go with a right uppercut to the face that sends him staggering back a few steps. All this happened at what seemed like the speed of light.

Everyone gasped. Even me. I didn't know I was capable of something like this when my blood boiled in rage. I wasn't angry anymore now. Instead, I was concerned. I wiped my bleeding fist on my clothes and ran to see him.

"Oh my- Are y-you okay Dylan?" I stammered. I was shaking. What have I done?

"Get away from him!" People shouted in the cafeteria.

It took me a moment to realize it was directed at me. Everyone was crowding but I was the one closest to him.

"Go away!"

"Get out of here, you bitch!"

"You're not needed!"

"You've done enough!"

The shouts went on but I tuned them out.

I try to speak. I should speak. I have to speak.
But I can't.

Instead, I run.

My body thrills a this. I'm not running as people would for exercise. I'm running as if the force of the wind whipping around my body will be enough to keep all the pieces of me from crumbling.

Past the lockers, past the classrooms, past students and teachers. I go straight to the girls washroom. I don't know why. I should hate this place with their preppy girls gossiping and their perfume flooding the air.

I'm still running as I enter the washroom, pass the groups of girls pouring over the mirrors, and head straight into a stall. I throw open the door so hard it bounces off the stall wall.

I put the led of the seat down and sit. I let my head fall into my hands and began to sob, great, gulping sobs that choke me. And I think about the girls on the other side of the stall walls and I bet they wonder what the fuck is going on. They can wonder. Its not like I'm going to spill my heart out to one of them soon. Or that they will soon know eventually anyway.

Suddenly, I cant get enough air into my lungs.