Alone.
19
School started again. My fun for now was over. Today was going to be shit. The whole year is going to be shit.
I wake up very early so I can bathe in the fountain. I’ve made some money over the summer from guys that thought I was ‘pretty’ and used it to buy new clothes. In the fountain, I try to get rid of all the dirt, and blood.
And once I was dry, I try to hide all my scars and bruises. Fights at parties can be gruesome. That’s all I’m going to say. Since I don’t own a mirror, I look in the water at my reflection. I looked decent. Which is what I was going for.
I sighed. I have a few hours to go before I have to walk to school. So I just lay in the grass and watch the sky lighten, and the sun come out of hiding. It was truly breathtaking.
As I look at the sky, I imagine what my life would be like if I had a home, and a family. How different it would be if I didn’t run away. How different I would be.
It was time to go to school. Today I would no doubt be given dirty looks. I would be pushed, shoved, laughed at, and talked about. I would have people come up to me, say something that was supposed to insult me, and then walk away, laughing.
I had to retake grade ten science again, as well as grade ten math because I had failed them. I didn’t mind, especially because Dylan wasn’t in any of them. Again, I knew nobody in my classes this year, no friends. But I didn’t have any to begin with, so it wasn’t a huge loss.
I sit at a table in the cafeteria, poking at my salad. I should be hungry. I should be starving. But I had no appetite. I hardly had one anymore. I sigh, lightly tossing my white plastic fork on the table, leaning back in the chair, looking around the large room filled with students.
There were tables where people were studying, tables where people were laughing. There were the happy, preppy kids who thought they were better than everybody. They were pointing around at other people, laughing. I was no doubt one of the people being laughed at. There was the table where people had their noses stuck in textbooks, or punching in numbers in calculators. And there were the odd tables where groups of friends sat.
There were tables where stray people sat by themselves. There was the table in the back corner, where- what everybody in school liked to call- the stoners. They were the people who had taken the path that involved drugs, the people who didn’t seem to care about schoolwork. My gaze kept getting stuck on them.
There weren’t many around at that moment, most were probably outside smoking like they always were. They were talking, laughing, poking at each other. There was a couple sitting with them, but they didn’t partake in the conversations. They were too busy making out. But all in all, they all looked somewhat happy being where they were. They looked like they were enjoying themselves, enjoying life.
I sat back, watching them. I had always thought that they were freaks. They were wasting their life on drugs and alcohol. They should get clean, go back to school, and make something of themselves. But at that moment, I felt a longing feeling to go talk to them. Go hang out with them. I wanted to go outside with them and light up a smoke. I wanted to let loose, forget about everything, and just live life how I wanted to.
It’s the way they looked, so happy, so care-free. They didn’t care about the looks they received. They didn’t care about the way they dressed. They just didn’t care. And I fit in perfectly when it came to not caring.
I wake up very early so I can bathe in the fountain. I’ve made some money over the summer from guys that thought I was ‘pretty’ and used it to buy new clothes. In the fountain, I try to get rid of all the dirt, and blood.
And once I was dry, I try to hide all my scars and bruises. Fights at parties can be gruesome. That’s all I’m going to say. Since I don’t own a mirror, I look in the water at my reflection. I looked decent. Which is what I was going for.
I sighed. I have a few hours to go before I have to walk to school. So I just lay in the grass and watch the sky lighten, and the sun come out of hiding. It was truly breathtaking.
As I look at the sky, I imagine what my life would be like if I had a home, and a family. How different it would be if I didn’t run away. How different I would be.
It was time to go to school. Today I would no doubt be given dirty looks. I would be pushed, shoved, laughed at, and talked about. I would have people come up to me, say something that was supposed to insult me, and then walk away, laughing.
I had to retake grade ten science again, as well as grade ten math because I had failed them. I didn’t mind, especially because Dylan wasn’t in any of them. Again, I knew nobody in my classes this year, no friends. But I didn’t have any to begin with, so it wasn’t a huge loss.
I sit at a table in the cafeteria, poking at my salad. I should be hungry. I should be starving. But I had no appetite. I hardly had one anymore. I sigh, lightly tossing my white plastic fork on the table, leaning back in the chair, looking around the large room filled with students.
There were tables where people were studying, tables where people were laughing. There were the happy, preppy kids who thought they were better than everybody. They were pointing around at other people, laughing. I was no doubt one of the people being laughed at. There was the table where people had their noses stuck in textbooks, or punching in numbers in calculators. And there were the odd tables where groups of friends sat.
There were tables where stray people sat by themselves. There was the table in the back corner, where- what everybody in school liked to call- the stoners. They were the people who had taken the path that involved drugs, the people who didn’t seem to care about schoolwork. My gaze kept getting stuck on them.
There weren’t many around at that moment, most were probably outside smoking like they always were. They were talking, laughing, poking at each other. There was a couple sitting with them, but they didn’t partake in the conversations. They were too busy making out. But all in all, they all looked somewhat happy being where they were. They looked like they were enjoying themselves, enjoying life.
I sat back, watching them. I had always thought that they were freaks. They were wasting their life on drugs and alcohol. They should get clean, go back to school, and make something of themselves. But at that moment, I felt a longing feeling to go talk to them. Go hang out with them. I wanted to go outside with them and light up a smoke. I wanted to let loose, forget about everything, and just live life how I wanted to.
It’s the way they looked, so happy, so care-free. They didn’t care about the looks they received. They didn’t care about the way they dressed. They just didn’t care. And I fit in perfectly when it came to not caring.