Alone.

There’s one thing I want more than anything else, and I know I can never have it. I don’t mean Dylan, or Kile. I don’t mean a boyfriend, or finding someone who at least understands me. I’m talking about something inside myself. I want to be brave. And I’m not brave, in case you’re wondering. Maybe I could have been brave, but I guess I’ll never know.

I want to be different, I want to be me. All of me. I’m so ashamed by this fact. I know I said so many times that I don’t care what people think about me. And I don’t. But there’s some, yet small part of me that does. Because I hide. I hide half of me. When I’m in public, which is all the time, I hide behind a shield of smiles. The only time I am by myself is in my head, my own thoughts; my heart, my own feelings.

I want to cry, but I promised myself I would be brave, and that’s a promise I will not break. But whenever there’s a time for any reason or purpose that I have to break that promise, I will. Only because I’m human like everyone else, and cant keep it in, forever. I don’t like sharing my feelings, more so about my past and why I am this sad. So forgive me for any apology needed, for you are wondering why and me not explaining. Like I said, I cant hold it in forever, and when that times comes, I’ll tell you. I promise. And I
won’t break that promise.

Yes. I know. I’m sad, gloomy, miserable, depressing, pathetic, and you probably don’t want to listen to me. But this is me, and I just want that chance . . . for you to hear me out.



My heart skips a beat when he speaks, and when he leans in further, gently pressing his lips to mine, I couldn’t help but kiss him back. I didn’t have the strength to pull away. Those were some of the happiest days of my life. My friends were perfect. Life was good. Really good.

I woke up, bolting into sitting position. My whole body was numb and misted with sweat. My heart hammering. What was I dreaming about, better yet, who?

I groan, my back really hurt from the way I was sleeping. My bed soggy and wet. I get up and go to my personal fireplace. Trying to keep warm. I feel its time to bathe. Its early enough. Hopefully I don’t wake anybody. Feeling the dirt wash off. Feeling the cold water fall down on me. I dread for the day to come. I only thing that brightens it is Dylan.

He is who I wish to see. The bell rings, signalling me and every student to class. Everyone rushing to their classes, except me. I walk slowly with anticipation. Dylan is in my first period. I want so badly to see him, but what will he think..when I tell him. No, I meant when I see him. I reach the door as the final bell rings, all eyes on me when I enter.

I take my seat since I wasn’t technically late.

"Miss Brookes." The teacher states. His voice booming over the whispers in the class.

"You are late. And do you know what happens to those who are late?"

"Who cares" I say giving him a glance. My chin on my arms on the desk. He is angry at my response. His face becoming so red. And to think, I thought I got that red. But no, Mr. Ricks clearly won.

I wonder if I was imagining this, but it was like smoke was coming out of his ears and nose. I laughed by mistake.

"Miss Brookes, please go to the principle's office for your behaviour, late-slip, and a detention.." I couldn’t help it, he looked like a cartoon. People booed and oohed.

Whatever. Beats doing work. I think as I get up ready to leave. Then all of a sudden I hear a sweet voice.

"I volunteer to walk her down." It was Dylan’s voice. I smile, but I hid it with my hair, so Mr. Ricks didn’t see it. I didn’t want him knowing we knew each other. He didn't and nods.

The door finally closes, when Dylan speaks. "So, what was that about?" He laughs. I laugh too, not sure if he was talking about me or Mr. Ricks.