Alone.

Sometimes I worry there’s something wrong with me. Sometimes I worry I don’t actually feel things like regular people do. Often I’m watching the world rather than living in it. Its not just that I feel distant from the world. The thing that worries me is that a lot of times, I feel distant from myself. I watch myself like I’d watch an actor in a movie. I think, I observe, I process but I don’t feel anything.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever sat at the funeral of your great-aunt, for example, and worn a solemn expression on your face and tried to tell yourself the ways in which it was sad, without actually feeling sad at all?

Have you ever met somebody who said, “Oh my God, that’s so funny!” all the time, but never actually laughed?

I’m worried that’s me.

I always feel myself wondering if I’m missing out on something.

I dropped my backpack on the grass and laid down. I sighed. I’m not going home today. Besides, they won’t notice. I did something that I only allowed myself to do twice a year.

I cried.