Ever After

I stood outside coughing slightly as River and Carsen made their way outside. I was still so in shock with the fact that he was living with us. Of course father wouldn't mind since he would be apart of the family now, I just feel so weird having him there. I don't know why. But I know making him not go would make Rapunzel so sad, and I know none of us wanted that to happen.

I pulled on a smile as River came close to the carriage. I grabbed his bag and held it as he turned around towards Carsen. "I'll miss you little guy," Carsen murmured softly.

"Don't worry, I'll see you every week."

I almost choked on my own saliva when he said every week. I mean it was only because we were gonna have to work the horses every week to go back to the village. They'll get tired. Yes, that was it.

Carsen smiled and hugged him tightly before kissing his forehead. I tensed up and sat his bag in the carriage and waited until he was finished. I didn't know why I was feeling so weird like this. I could just sit in the carriage and ignore all of this and wait until he gets in, but my eyes wouldn't move until I knew River was with us for good and out of Carsen's reach. Like I said, public affection is not my comfort zone. Yeah.

After they pulled away River spun around smiling at me. "Ready to go?" He nodded and I couldn't help but smile back. Without thinking, I grabbed his hand helping him inside the carriage. I looked back over at Carsen and he had a forlorn look on his face.

"Take care of him, will you?" he asked, folding his hands behind his back.

I gave a true genuine smile and nodded. "I will...We will," I said looking back over at Rapunzel who was screaming at River. He nodded and turned around walking next to River and Rapunzel's parents. I nodded before stepping inside the carriage, but nearly tripping over River's legs.

"Oh God, I am so sorry Pr-Auden. I was jus--"

"No it's fine," I said chuckling. I pulled myself onto the row across from them and sat down staring at the siblings. Now that they were sitting next to each other, I could tell they were related. Despite the hair color difference, they looked alike. One actually looked even better, but my mind wasn't processing correctly, so I just assumed it was going to Rapunzel since that was the logic answer. But of course all throughout the ride, my eyes kept wondering over to River.

Every time he laughed or smile, I would shift a little in my seat. Once again, I had no idea why my mind and body was acting like this. Ever since I set foot in that house, I felt like I was about to die. This carriage ride has been the worst. I was basically hyperventilating as Rapunzel was when we were making our way over to the house.

My mind went back to reality as River's knee kept bumping into mine. I bit my lip and stared at the roof of the ceiling, soon letting out a sigh. "What's wrong sweetheart?"

I looked back down and Rapunzel looked curious and River had a sad look on his face. I hope he didn't think I did not want him to come. "Um, motion sickness," I lied, looking away.

"Oh sweetie, you ride horses too much. Sitting at a slow motion just isn't for you," Rapunzel said, patting my leg. I shrugged my shoulders and sighed happily when the castle gates came into view. I was ready to go riding and I honestly had to clear my head and see what was going on.

The carriage soon made a stop and I opened the door not waiting for the coachman or anyone and ran up towards the door of the castle. I dashed on yelling at the top of my lungs. "Ned! Ned! Where are you?!"

I ran my fingers through my hair, searching for him. Ned's thin frame ran down the stairs, as his floppy brown hair bounced on his head. I laughed as he tripped down the stairs, making his way over to me. "Yes, sir!" he yelled regaining his step.

Rapunzel and River soon walked inside the castle as I was talking to Ned. River looked around at the castle in awe and I couldn't help but smile at his wide eyes, gazing at the paintings that have been up for years and the statues that have been sent to us from different countries. Art that I've grown accustomed to seeing.

"This is River, Rapunzel's brother. Will you lead him to his bedroom please?" I asked Ned, although that wasn't what I was genuinely going to tell him. Ned nodded and smiled at River looping his arm through his and picked up his bag.

"Lets go," he said pulling River. I laughed as the two ran up the stairs almost tripping. Ned was so nice to everyone and even though he was only 22, he had that kiddish way about him that everyone liked. We weren't super close, but we were good friends. I could honestly say he was a person to trust either way.

I felt Rapunzel hug me from behind and kiss my neck. "I'm so happy he's here," she whispered.

I nodded, feeling a little odd with her hugging me right there. I didn't know why, but I just wanted to unhook her arms and just walk outside. I felt like a jerk, but honestly I wasn't feeling quite right. I sighed and turned around quickly kissing her forehead.

"I'm going to the stables," I mumbled.

She frowned and crossed her arms. "I'm starting to think something is wrong. What's going on Auden? You can tell me."

I can't.

"You can trust me. I won't judge you."

She will.

"What's on your mind?" she asked, stroking my hair.

I shook my head and pushed her hand out of the way and walked towards the back of the castle. I had no idea what was wrong with me. One time I'm calm, and the next, I'm going insane. I just needed to breathe.

On the bright side I haven't had that sinking feeling in my chest, but that empty void is still there and I knew just sitting in there letting Rapunzel stroke my hair wasn't going to do anything to fill it up. I felt horrible for pushing her away, but I felt like the walls were caving in on me. I just couldn't take it.

I walked through the back and smiled softly at the large fountain in front of me. I picked a rose from the bush in the massive garden. The thorns poked my skin, adding tiny cuts on my fingertips. The fresh cuts were next to my old bruises from falling off of horses, sword fights, and other 'prince things'.

I sat the rose on the edge of the fountain and made my way over to the stables, trying to forget all of what happened. I knew my father would be furious for pushing Rapunzel away from me, but at this time I just wanted peace for once. I rarely get that anymore.

I walked to the stables and saw that Alistair and Goldie were still in the front. I frowned filling up their food buckets and sat on a nearby shaved stone bench and stared at the blue sky.

My thoughts shifted over to River and I caught myself smiling. I didn't know why I had these weird thoughts every time he came into mind. I didn't know if I was attracted to him. My mind was moving so fast. I mean, my father--and the rest of the world, forbade homosexuality. I mean, it just didn't seem right to them. I for one didn't mind, but from stories I've heard, if you were caught with another man, you'd get executed.

When I was around 14 or so, my cousin Kieran, who was a mere knight in training, came to visit our family with his. He was two years older than I was, and I was just learning how to ride my father's horse which was very hard to do, considering it had a temper problem. My caretaker, who died when I was 15, was watching me ride, but she had to use the facilities. I thought I had the hang of it, but was soon falling off of his horse every now and then. The last fall I took, Kieran was there and caught me before I could fall into the thorn bushes.

"You need to watch what you're doing my prince," he whispered into my ear.

I started to hit manhood a little early and my caretaker said I was growing my 'manly parts' faster than usual. Anything that seemed sexual had an affect on me. From the way he gripped my arms, to how his cool breath hit the back of my neck.

"I'll b-be more careful," I whispered back, trying to get out of his reach.

Kieran held onto my arm as his eyes sparkled. He traced a finger down my leather tights that I wear for riding and smiled at me. "You are just so cute."

I knew I was blushing. It was a natural affect. I knew this was wrong, but my body felt like it was going to melt in his hands. "I'm going to kiss you. But don't try to run away, okay?"

I nodded not saying a word and watched as Kieran, my own cousin that was a boy, leaned down. I stared into his eyes as they twinkled again. Soon his lips were onto mine and I just sat there. I didn't know what to do, so I just puckered my lips up to his and closed my eyes since he was doing the same. When we pulled away he cleared his throat and nodded slightly. "You won't tell anyone, am I right?"

"R-Right," I whispered, staring at his lips.

He laughed and kissed my cheek. "Bye gorgeous," he said before running back up to the castle training grounds.

And ever since then, whenever I saw Kieran at any family function, I stayed clear of him. Avoiding his winks and smirks at me. He was a problem and I didn't want to deal with it.

But now that I think about it, I realized I wasn't avoiding him because I thought it was trouble. I was avoiding him because I was scared. Scared that I had actually liked kissing another boy.

Rapunzel blocked those feelings away and once I saw her and fell in love with her, I thought these feelings about the men I saw and how attractive they were would go away. I still found Rapunzel to be the most beautiful girl in the world and I loved her with everything, but that feeling towards a guy, any guy, hasn't gone away.

It's scary.