Daily Beatings

I looked down at the beautiful face of the girl asleep on my shoulder. Since the day I met her, a version of that face floated around my mind.
She started off an awkward little girl whose bright green eyes were too big for her face. She stuttered over every word as she tried her hardest to apologize for running into me in the halls.
And stupid, stupid me. I laughed at her. I started a nick name that still haunted her today and made her hate me.
I never spoke to her again but my image of her grew. Her features grew to match her amazing eyes, her hair grew long and thick.
But in my visions she had a boyfriend. She was engaged and pregnant and living the good life. Everything was going great for her.
Now here she lay, on the shoulder of the jerk that ruined high school for her, drifting to sleep in the van of his failed band needing a ride home.
She was still beautiful. More beautiful them my vision of her, if even possible. She probably didn’t even see it when she looked in the mirror. She probably saw someone who needed to bum a ride from the school bully.
“She sure got pretty.” I looked up to see Matt had shifted himself in his seat to look back at us.
“She always has been.” I said, looking back down at her perfect face.
“So what’s your plan, Ramsay?” Matt asked me.
“For what?”
“Well, in her mind, I can bet you that she’s not thinking she’ll ever see you again after tonight. And I can bet you don’t want that. So, what’s your plan?”
I thought about this for a second. It was true; I wanted to see Sam again. But I couldn’t get a girl with charm, seeing as I had none. I needed some devious scheme to get her to charm me.
Or at least an excuse to see her again.
And then it hit me. Carefully, I snaked my arm over her and into the pocket of my sweater she wore. I slowly pulled out her phone and chucked it under the seat in front of us.
“I’ll stumble upon that later.” I smiled at Matt.
“You’re hopeless.” He laughed and turned back around.
As we drove throughout the city, dropping everyone off at they’re designated houses, I stared at Sam.
*
I must have taken us an hour to pull up at the house again; Sam was still happily asleep on my shoulder mumbling about butterflies eating her cake.
“What time is it?” I heard Mike groan from the front.
“Uh…3:30?” Ian answered, pushing the garage door opener.
“Bleh…can we just unload everything in the morning?” Mike complained.
“Ya sure but you’re doing it alone.” Matt answered, an evil smile on his face.
“I hate you guys.” Mike groaned and got out of the van.
“Sam…” I whispered, shaking her shoulder a bit. I don’t know why I whispered, I was trying to wake her up for god sakes. “Sammy, wake up.”
“Please don’t eat my cake.” She said sleepily and snuggled into me.
“I’m not gonna eat your cake, Sammy. Wake up.” I laughed.
Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at me with a weird look for a few seconds. But then, she screamed “HOLY SHIT!” and flew back against the seat.
“…Sam?” I said to her, confused. For a few seconds it looked as if she was going to hyperventilate, but then her breathing slowed and she seemed to calm down.
“Sorry…forgot where I was for a second.” She smiled at me. I felt like melting into that smile. “So we’re here?” She asked, looking out the window.
“Yeah, c’mon we just gotta unload some stuff.” As I said it, she yawned. I raised an eye brow.
“It’s okay, I’ll help.” She assured me.
“You don’t need to.”
“Yes, I do. You’re saving my life here giving me a ride.”
“But you’re tiered…”
“Josh, I’m helping.” She said sternly in a voice not to be fucked with. I nodded. Unloading the van went smoothly. It was as if it were a day to day thing for Sam. She knew how to handle the guitars and amps without making them wish they’d never been born.
Slowly, each member of Marianas Trench disappeared into the house, leaving me and Sam alone in the garage.
She looked up and around the garage – the van now empty. “Where’d they all go?” She asked, obviously extremely confused. She was cute when she was confused.
“Inside. Bastards.” I said. “You seemed to handle the heavy lifting quite well…for a-“ I cut myself off.
“What, for a girl?” She walked over and elbowed me. “I’m in a band, I’m used to this.”
“Really?” Wow…I never expected that from Sam. In high school she always seemed the type who couldn’t talk to one stranger, let alone preform for thousands. So why was she in a band? Maybe she played drums. Less dealing with the crowd. I was over thinking this.
“Ya.” She answered. I wish I could know what was behind that simple ya. What she really meant, what was running through her head right this moment. I wanted to hug her and kiss her and call her mine forever.
Since that day I hadn’t stopped thinking about her. Or my image of her. But this was the opposite I imagined. Sam was in a band, she was tough, and most of all, I was just the piece of shit that ruined her high school career.
How could I be anything else? How could I be anything else to anyone? I was just a stupid heroin addict. Recovering or not, I still desired it. So obviously, I was a failure and didn’t deserve someone’s love. Why was I even bothering with Sam? I was just going to get hurt again.
“Josh?” She snapped her fingers in my face. “You ready to go? Or are you about to pass out?” Sam asked.
I assessed my mind. I was damn tired, that was true. But enough to fall asleep at the wheel? No.
But then again… “Ya…I don’t think it’s really the best idea for me to drive…You can crash here tonight if you want. Couch is first class.”
As if on cue, Sam yawned. “I think I might just take you up on that offer.”
She followed me though the house as I collected blankets and pillows for her. It took me longer than it should have, seeing as I a) needed to find where we kept them and b) tip toe past the guys rooms, as they were all asleep.
I helped her arrange pillows and blankets on the couch to make it as comfortable as possible.
“Thanks for this, Josh. I owe you one.”
Here was my chance. I had a perfect we to ask her out right now. But should I do it? C’mon, she was just going to reject me like every other girl.
“Yes you do.” I said. I decided against it. It was way too soon to ask her out. That would just be creepy. “No. You need something to wear to sleep.” I gestured to Sam’s gorgeous body.
She looked down at herself, confused. “I can just sleep in this, can’t I?” She wore stiff looking jeans and a t-shirt for Marianas Trench. But they looked so uncomfortable they were driving me crazy. Stiff from air drying out rain water and dirty from the pavement, I insisted she borrow something.
“fine.” She said in an excaudated whinny voice. “If you say so, Dad.”
“Thank you I do say so. Now, I will be back.” I turned on my heel to go search my drawers for something for Sam to wear.
“Oh, Josh?” I turned too quickly as Sam said my name. It sounded so perfect, rolling off her tongue like it was meant to be there. “Could I use your phone to call my sister again? She’ll be waiting up for me. Trust issues.”
“Ya, no problem.” I took my crappy phone from my pocket and tossed it to her.
Maybe, some part of me wanted Sam to say something different. I don’t know what she would have said, but something. Something that would make my heart race like every time she walked past me in the halls.
But it didn’t happen. And so it wasn’t meant to.
I opened my draws and began sifting. A shirt for her was easy, I just pulled out a worn out AC/DC shirt that was on top. Soon enough, I found a pair of pyjamas mom had given me for Christmas three years ago that still had tags on them. I don’t know what made her think her 23 year old son – 20 at the time – would sleep in PJs.
I carried them out to the living room where I could hear Sam’s voice on my phone.
“Ya, Jess. I’ve explained this. I’m at Josh’s.” She spoke into the phone. She was answered by a raised voice I could almost make out. “Jess, if either of us try to drive we’re going to die.” … “I’m 21 and I’m going to make my own damn decisions! Weather I plan to sleep with Josh or not is none of your business!” She hung up to the phone and turned. Seeing me, her face paled.
“What?” I laughed.
“Protective sister doesn’t trust me with boys.” She explained like it was the simplest thing in the world.
“Well then…these are for you tonight.” I held out the pile of clothes. “And the bathroom is down the hall, first door to your left.”
“Thanks.” Sam took the pile and smiled at me. She had a beautiful smile. A smile the Cheshire cat would kill for. I watched as she walked down the hall and hesitated on the bathroom door.
I. Was. Hopeless. This girl had me wrapped around her little finger without even trying.
She returned soon enough. To my surprise, she still had my sweater on over the AC/DC shirt. Why? Don’t ask me I never knew. It wasn’t cold in the house.
“Thanks again, Josh.”
“No problem. I’ll give you a ride home tomorrow after breakfast.” I said. How was I acting so chill? Inside I was exploding with so many emotions and thoughts.
“Sounds good.” She smiled again. It was my cue to get to bed myself. I walked to the entrance of the hall way before saying goodnight. “Night, Josh.” Sam smiled, watching me walk to my room. Where I shut the door and sighed.
I pulled off my dirty jeans and sweaty shirt. Crawling into bed, I thought of Sam only steps away doing the same.
This girl was back in my life. And I hoped for good. I didn’t want to let her go.