Your Guardian Angel

Sometimes you don't have to know a person well to see the pain, hurt and devastation in someones eyes.

That's exactly what I saw when I looked into the eyes of Matthew Sanders.

When I first laid eyes on him I couldn't help but take a step back and take in his height, broad shoulders and emotionless face. He looked like was one of those men who you really don't want to come across when having a bad day. He looked like he would rip you in half if you messed with him. Not to mention the amount of tattoos he seemed to have, So it was a mystery to see someone like him walk the halls of Miller Children's hospital.

But I soon learned why and her name was Bethany Sanders and she was dying.



I met Bethany the second day in my first week at Miller Hospital, and from the first moment I met her, I knew what a precious little girl she was. When I entered her room she was by herself with a worn out sock monkey in her lap just staring at it. As she looked up and saw me she let out a bright smile with dimples on full display. Her smile was contagious so I out one of my own smiles.

I did my usual routine and picked up the clip board containing her information and quickly scanning it, Acute lymphoblastic leukemia is what she had. A type a cancer that strikes children and Chemotherapy was one way of treating it. According to the clipboard Bethany was about to start the Chemotherapy. And from what I've seen so far it wouldn't be easy.

"Hi my name is Anna, how are you today? Are you feeling any pain? Any nose bleeds?" I asked her.

"Hi Anna! My name is Bethany but you can call me Beth! Nope I feel fine and no nose bleeds today." she replied.

"Well that's good. But if you need anything or feel any pain let me know ok?"

"Ok I will! Where's that other nurse Emily?" she asked me.

"Emily had to take break and I'm your nurse for now," I explained.

"Ok, you're pretty!" said Beth with giggle.

"No I think your pretty!"

"Do you want to see my sock monkey? His name is Mr. Wiggles and my uncle Brian bought him for me." she said holding out her monkey for me to take.

I grabbed Mr. Wiggles and said,"Hello Mr Wiggles! I hope you're taking good care of Bethany and keeping her company."

Beth just started to giggle and smile, showing off those dimples again. I handed the monkey back to her and said,"You have a pretty smile there Beth."

"Thank you I-daddy!!" she suddenly exclaimed.

Looking back towards the door I saw her dad coming in with a plastic bag. But stopped when he saw me. We both stared at each other for a couple of seconds before I broke the silence,"Hello I'm Ana. Bethany's replacement nurse, Emily took a break and I'm filling in for her until farther notice."

"Hey I'm Matt Sanders. I just step out to get some food. Nothing happened while I was out right?" he asked.

"No no I was just doing my rounds with my patients. Everything seems to be alright. But if something happens don't hesitate to push the red button." I answered him.

"Ok got it."

"Daddy, is uncle Brian coming in today? I want him to meet Ana she's nice and pretty!" asked Beth.

"Maybe kiddo, I'll give him a call."

"Well I have to go and check on others so I'll see you later Bethany and Mr. Sanders." I said with a smile, heading to the door.

"Bye Ana!" said Beth as I closed the door with a smile on my face.

Time went by and it had been almost three weeks since I had met Bethany and her dad. Sometime during those weeks Beth had started her Chemotherapy and by a long shot I could see that it took a lot out of her. Instead of coming in the room seeing her smiling and showing of those dimples and ready to talk my ear off, now I would her find her sleeping more and more. It sadden me to see her like that even if I wasn't suppose to have any attachment to her.

When you became a nurse there were certain rules you had to follow. One was that you couldn't get attached to any patient who's in your care. You had to keep everything professional. But honestly when you're someone who works with cancer patients especially children you can't help but grow attached to them, and Beth was no exception along with others that I had to look after. Some just touched your life in a way no one ever has.

But there was something about Beth that just drew me in. I hadn't figured it out yet but I guess it was her enthusiasm she had every day despite the awful things she was going through and that bright, warm, innocent smile she seemed to have glued to her face.

When I walked in I saw that once again she was alone and sleeping on that white bed under those fluorescent lights. With Mr. Wiggles tucked in under her arm and I noticed the purple-ish bags under her eyes against her pale snow white skin. I didn't have to read the clipboard to know that she had been losing some weight because I could see that she did, those were the affects caused by the Chemotherapy she was taking to get better. I quickly checked the monitors so that I could leave her to get some rest. As I was writing down how there was no changes Beth started to stir in the bed.

"Ana?"

"Hey Beth are you ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm ok just really tired."

I moved closer until I was standing next to her in the bed,"That's normal sweetie. All you have to do is try to get some rest so you can feel all better. ok?"

"Then I won't have to die?"

Questions like that are really heartbreaking to answer. It really made me upset how I knew that sometimes Chemotherapy wasn't enough and if it got out hand then death was the most likely result. I can't really exactly tell that to a eight year could I? She put me in a tight spot.

"Lets hope and pray that its not your case. You're to special too leave."

"What if I do?" asked Beth.

"Well there's a special place for pretty girls like you. It's called Heaven."

"Heaven? Oh that's where my uncle Jimmy is. My dad told me when he said that uncle Jimmy had died."

"Yes that's where everyone goes when they die." I said.

"Oh"

"But you know what?"

"What?"

"You always have your guardian to look after you," I said.

"My guardian angel?"

"Yes, we all have guardian angles who look after us to protect us from anything. We may not see them but they're here watching us and wherever you are your guardian is too."

"Even my dad has one?" she asked with a curious look on her face.

"Yes even your dad has one. Here I'll show you something really cool. When I was a little girl like you my grandma gave me this necklace to always remind me how I have someone protecting me," I said as I reach in my shirt to pull put the necklace I always have on me and unclasped it from my neck and hand it to Beth.

"It's so pretty!"

"Yes it is and my grandma also taught a little prayer to the angles. Do you want to hear it?"

"Yes!"



"That sounded nice," said Beth, handing back my necklace in the palm of her hand.

"No, now I want you to have it, you need it more then I do," I said, closing her hand around the necklace.

"Really? Thank you Ana!!" she said, smiling really big.

"Your welcome but Beth you have to go back to sleep. You have to rest I know that you're tired."

"Ok fine. But you'll be back to see me later right?" Beth asked

"Yes of course." I replied.

Pulling the sheets to cover her up, I quickly check the monitors once again before turning to the door. I noticed that the door was ajar but didn't think much of it until I came face to face with Beth's dad when i opened it. And what I didn't expect see was the angry look on his face.

"Matt," I said, since he wanted me to call him by his first name after a couple days of meeting him.

"It's Mr. Sanders to you and I really don't appreciate you telling my daughter all that bullshit you just did in there," he hissed.

"I... didn't say anything bad."

"I don't care but it was wrong of you to do so. I don't you or anyone here giving my daughter false hope bullshit."

"I'm sorry Mr. Sanders but your offending my beliefs."

"Well I wouldn't be offending you if you haven't said anything to Beth would I? And besides I don't think you're superiors would be happy if they knew what kind of things you're telling you patients especially children."

"No please don't, I'll get suspended." I said looking at him and when I met his eyes not only didn't see anger clouding his eyes but also despair and pain.

"Ok I won't but I want you t request a transfer or something but I don't want you near my daughter." he said in a harsh tone.

Since I didn't have anything else to say I walked off with tears pricking my eyes.





I seriously don't know where I went wrong. I was living a dream like no other. I had a successful band with four of my best friends I loved as brothers. I had a wife who was my other half, who gave me one of the most precious things in the world. My daughter Beth.

But all that suddenly changed. Jimmy had died and Beth was diagnosed with cancer shortly after. Problems started in my marriage with Val and things just escalated throwing everything I once knew into chaos. Our best solution was to get a divorce. I of course filed for full custody, it got pretty nasty but at the end I won the court battle.

From that moment on I devoted my whole being to Beth, I made sure that my little girl had everything she could ever want and ever need. I would do anything for her and it killed me that at any moment she could be ripped from my arms.

And if I hated hospitals before well now I loath them with all my heart. Not only has it become Beth's prison but mine as well.

"Hey man, how are you holding up?" said Brian coming through the door and interrupting my thoughts.

"As well as I can be," I replied.

"She is asleep?"

"Yeah she's been knocked out for a pretty long time now, all day."

"So I take it that you haven't told her that her favorite nurse will no longer be her nurse huh?" Brain asked.

"No not yet but when she finds out hell is breaking lose."

"Yeah you got that right because after all she's your kid. Not only did she get those dimple from you but your temper too." he said.

I didn't say anything but I sent him a slight glare.

"How much do you want to bet that she'll have you running like a headless chicken trying to find that nurse who actually took your lame ass advice."

"Brian," I growled at him.

"What? It's true! That little girl has you wrapped around her figure since the first moment you saw her."

"I don't know. I regret saying that to Ana but it's not my fault! How would you feel after having a talk with your daughter's doctor about how bad she's getting instead of improving? Last night Ana was the first person I came in contact with and I took it out on her over some stupid little thing." I said in a frustrated voice.

"Well that's your temper for you, it seems like it takes control of you and all you see is red." Brian said.

"Yeah something like that."

We continued talking but in low voices just in case we woke up Beth. We didn't talk long because we heard Beth starting to stir in the bed.

"Time to face your wrath." said Brian.

"Shut up!"

"Daddy? Uncle Brian?" said Beth.

"Hey Bethy are you ok?" said Brian.

"Hi sweetie you're awake." I said.

"Is Ana here yet?"

"Uh no she's not, she came to check up on you when you were sleeping." I told her but I could clearly heard Brian's grunt.

At that moment the door opened and another nurse came in, I quickly turned back and saw Beth's confused face. I had hoped that Beth would still be out when the other nurse was scheduled to come in. No one said anything for a minute. But as the nurse finished up, Beth decided to speak.

"Where's Ana?" she asked.

"Ana? Oh you're nurse well she asked for a few days off and requested for a transfer to another hospital." said the nurse.

I can't do anything but closed my eyes. When I opened them I saw the tears in Beth's eyes.

"Another hospital? Daddy?" she said with her voice trembling.

"Shh it's ok baby," I said.

"No! I want Beth!" as she said this tears started rolling down her face like water falls.

"Ana where's Ana?!"

"Beth don't cry it's ok." said Brain.

"No! It's not ok she's gone! She promised she would see me later!"

Her sobs were the only thing we heard through the room and it broke my heart,"Beth please
clam down."

By this time the nurse had left and Beth's crying was only increased, making me want to cry. I never wanted to see her cry and if I could help it I would prevent it, but seeing that I was the one who caused this I wanted to beat my own ass.

I saw Beth reach into her gown and pulled out what looked like a necklace and clutched it her hand. I tired to stroke her hair but she didn't let me. Then all of the sudden she started to cough uncontrollably while still sobbing. But what really got me worried was the blood that started gushing out from her nose. Without thinking I quickly reach over and press the red button. Not a minute later the nurse from before came in, with Beth's loud sobs sounding through out the room.

Brian and I stepped aside and let her do her work. But stepped in when I saw her preparing a needle,"Hey hey is that necessary? She just woke up!"

"I need to clam her down." said the nurse, injecting the needle into the tube.

It wasn't long before Beth's sobs stopped completely and the room was quite once again.

"She didn't take it well. I hope you're planning on fixing this because after all its you fault." said Brian who had been quite.

I groaned and said,"Shut up! I Know."

"I say you better make it quick, I don't want to see that little girl I love so much hurting anymore then she already does." he said.

Quickly making up mind I said,"Hey can you stay with her?"

"Uh sure yeah I'll stay."

"Ok thanks man." I said walking out the door.

After a sleepless night, getting into arguments with people and driving through the town, I finally slipped back into the room I could probably trace with my eyes closed. Brian was sleeping in the uncomfortable chair by the bed and Beth was also sleeping with her sock monkey in one arm and her other hand was fist-ed around the necklace I saw she took out on top of her chest. I checked the time on my phone and saw it was four in the morning. taking the other chair, I sat down and finally closed my eyes to rest for a bit.

What felt like five minutes later was actually five hours later, when I felt someone patted my shoulder.

"Hey man it's eight and I gotta head home now."

"Huh? Oh right thanks Brian for staying with her. Has she woken up?"

"No problem man, no not yet. Did you fix your dumb mistake?"

"I think so."

"You better,"said he making his way to the door.

I only nodded. The chair was hurting my back and I decided to stand up, making my back crack. After pacing the room a couple times I sat back down and put my face in my hands and trying to rub off the drowsiness I felt.

"Daddy?"

I quickly looked up and saw that Beth was awake again,"Beth are you ok?"

"Is Ana back?"

"No"

With a trembling bottom lip and tears welling up in her eyes she replied,"No, I want her back, why did she leave?"

"Baby-" I started to say but the door to the room opened, interrupting me.

"How's my favorite patient this morning?"came a light voice.

"Ana!!!!"

"Beth, I heard that you were crying. Why? Pretty girls like you don't cry." said Ana, walking to the bed.

Letting a few tears falls Beth said,"They told me you were gone."

"Don't worry I'm here now. Something told me I had to come back to you because you were sad."

"Was it my guardian angel?"

Ana looked at me with her brown eyes and said,"Yes your guardian angel.