If I Only Had The Heart

Don’t sleep for the rest of the night is something I was used to, but overthinking was something I was not. If Garrett and I got back together, what would it be like? I had already asked myself this countless times, but I simply couldn’t see it. How would we tell our friends? Our family? And worst, the fans? Everyone would freak out if we suddenly got back together.

Just to remind me of that, my eyes landed on my left wrist unconsciously. Garrett and I agreed to keep our tattoos as in a sign of our friendship. Ugh. Friendship, that word again.

At 7, I was already in the kitchen making breakfast. My mom froze in place when she walked into the kitchen, seeing my pour some orange in a glass for myself.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

“I thought it was Daisy” I frowned and then grinned as she kissed my cheek.

“You Up? At 7? Hard to believe.”

“I didn’t get any sleep last night” I replied, placing a plate with eggs and bacon on the table.

“Why, is something wrong?”

“No mom, everything’s fine.”

“You can talk to me if you want.”

“Thanks mom” I said quietly and she smiled heartedly.

“How was your party? At what time did you get home?”

“It was goooooooooood. Some beers with John, tequila shots with Abbey, chocolate cake and ice cream with Pat… and nearly 3.”

“You didn’t get drunk did you?”

“No mom, I didn’t, I was a good girl.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed your party, honey.”

“Yeah… well, breakfast’s ready, eat whatever you want; I’m going to watch tv now.”

“You’re not going to eat?” my mom questioned and sipped her coffee.

“Not hungry. I’ll eat something later.”

I marched off to the living room and plopped on the couch, getting comfortable. With my mind free from all those questions that were bugging me earlier, I fell asleep sooner than I expected.

The news channel’s annoying song woke me later; seriously, the news channel? Pat had the remote in one hand and a spoon in the other. I watched as he seized the spoon in a bowl of cereal and shoved it into his mouth, without taking his eyes off the screen.

“Hey Patty, what time is it?” I asked, my voice hoarse, as I stretched my arms.

“Past 11” he answered, his mouth full. I rubbed my eyes and licked my lips, sensing them dry. “Why are you sleeping here?”

“Didn’t sleep last night, made breakfast this morning, passed out here.”

“You made that?” Pat asked, pointing to the kitchen.

“Yeah. Why are you eating cereal?”

“Well, I ate your food and now I’m eating cereal.”

“You eat like a pig” I said with a laugh.

“Speak for yourself” Pat smiled and poked my side. I squirmed and got up, sighing.

“I better go get ready.”

“Where are you going?”

“To the office. Tim wants me there because he has something to arrange? I don’t know.”

“Oh yeah, great news.”

Great news? I suddenly felt excited. Usually, when they say great news, they have pretty exciting stuff. And what was it now? A new band joined the agency? The Maine would release a new album? A new project?

“I’m going to get ready.”

In my room, I slipped into some shorts, lace-up boots and a Lost Boys shirt. I applied make up and grabbed my purse, ready to go. Damn, I don’t wanna go to work.

“Hey, I’ll be back later.”

“You’re not going to eat anything again?” my mom asked from the kitchen.

“No, I’ll get something on my way to the office.”

“Can I go with you? Tim just called me saying he needs us there too” Pat asked, placing his phone back on the coffee table. “I promise I’ll get ready really quick.”

I laughed, remembering how the fans always complain about how late Pat always is.

“Yeah, okay.”

As I waited for Pat in the living room, I noticed he left his phone on the coffee table. Garrett wouldn’t answer me calls and texts, but would he answer Pat’s texts¿

Trying my luck, I quickly composed a text saying “I’m sorry” and send it to Gare. The response was almost immediate. Sorry? For what?

I hadn’t even closed the text when a new one came. Damn, this is Leigh isn’t it? Don’t text me, I don’t wanna talk to you anymore.

I winced at his words, he was being serious and by serious, I meant pissed. Garrett is usually calm, but if you push him too hard…

I was still feeling bad, you know; I shouldn’t have treated him like that. But still, he would have to talk to me soon, wouldn’t him? And we would make up and shit… we always did that.

“I’m ready” Pat called, getting me out of my daydreams. I quickly deleted the texts from his phone and handed it to him without any word.

We stopped at Starbucks to buy some coffee and muffins, and headed to the office. Abbey was there with Tim, Peter and the rest of the band, except for Garrett.

“Where’s Gare?” I frowned. They had a big announcement to make, the entire band had to be here.

“I couldn’t reach him” Abbey said, checking her phone.

“Why didn’t Tim called him?”

“My battery died.”

“From the office?” I raised my eyebrows.

“We just got here.”

I frowned, thinking. Fuck.

“I know what’s going on.”

I walked over to Tim’s desk and dialed Garrett’s number; he answered after a few rings.

“Dumbass, it wasn’t me calling you, it was Abbey. We need you at the office now, right in this moment.”

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Okay” I sighed and tried to make the sweetest voice I had “so, honey, can you come to 8123? Now?”

I heard Garrett snort and the phone went mute. Two times in a day? I called him again, hoping he would answer. Well, you never know.

“Fucker” I whispered, calling him again and again and again. On the fourth time, he answered.

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Are you coming or not?”

“To where?”

I exhaled, exasperated.

“Dumbass, we need you here right the fuck now. Is it hard for you to understand? Do I have to go there and draw it for you?”

“N-“

“Then bring that little pretty butt of your to the office now.”

With that, I hung up. I sat on a chair next to Tim and started fiddling with some papers I had left from my work. The room was silent and strange, to say the least.

“What?” I said, without taking my eyes off my papers.

“Is everything okay between you and Gare?” Kenny asked.

“No, everything’s not okay.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Abbey asked softly “I’m here for you if so.”

“Yeah, Garrett’s been a little… butthurt.”

“Is it because of what happened yesterday?” Tim asked, eyeing me awkwardly.

“No, it’s not.”

“What happened?” John questioned.

“Nothing. Nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about… we should worry about it” Pat mumbled; I rolled my eyes.

Garrett came quickly to the office, feeling really… Butthurt. He tried his best to ignore me, but I noticed how in every few minutes his eyes would flicker on me. Every time I would look up, making him look away, embarrassed.

“Is everybody here? good” Tim asked, looking around the room. Come on Tim, I thought, sipping my water, the room wasn’t that full. We were in like… ten? “Okay, so, I got a call earlier today, something really important.”

“Just spill, Tim” Abbey complained and he cocked an eyebrow at her.

“What do you guys think of a tour?”

“Tour…” John wondered aloud.

“Sounds good” Jared shrugged.

“What do you guys think of a tour with A Rocket To The Moon…” Tim trailed of and looked at John, who smiled and crossed his arms “for almost two months in Europe?”

Yay, tour again! For two months. In Europe.

Two months without Garrett or Pat… I was so not ready for that.