If I Only Had The Heart

Tour, wow, it was so close. I was so not ready to let my guys go yet, I needed more time with them. I’m sure Tessa understands me; she wasn’t ready to let Jared go either. But damn, she had only Jared. I had Pat… and Garrett.

Tour was right around the corner, almost all the dates were sold out. Shit was about to get real. I wasn’t going to lie, I was proud of my boys; in five years, they had done amazing things. But still, I wasn’t ready to let them go yet. I had more important things to work out now, like…

Garrett and I never exactly made up. We talked sometimes, but most of the time we ignored each other. Better, he ignored me. I think he’s the one getting tired of being hurt now. It was sick; as much as we hated to cause pain to each other, we liked it somehow. It was a proof that we would always be around each other. It was also the mainly reason why we broke up.

He was always at home, just hanging with Pat or practicing. I was always busy, working, working and working. I mean, not really all the time, but I had some really important stuff to do.

On the last night before tour, everyone gathered in my house – why not Tim’s apartment? - to celebrate… I don’t even know. Why celebrate? They’re leaving, it’s a goodbye, it’s supposed to be sad. I always hated the last nights before tour starts, it was always sad. I’ll never forget the first time they went on tour, I cried the whole night before.

And I felt like crying again. I would be more than fine to go touring with The Maine and A Rocket To The Moon in Europe, because from what I heard, Europe is fun, but Tim chose someone else than me. I wonder if he hates me… I’m not going to see my brother or my best friends for almost two months… yeah, he hates me.

So, everyone was drinking and partying, while I was stuck in my room. They all knew how much I hated the last night before tour, so they kinda backed off a little, but promised me to say goodbye before leave.

I was gathering some papers Tim asked me to in my room, when I heard footsteps run up the stairs. From the lightness, I could tell it was either Pat or John, so I decided to annoy them a little.

“Chump” I called out loud.

“Short shit.”

“Aw John, just because you’re a giraffe, it doesn’t mean you have to make fun of the other’s heights.”

“Look who’s talking” he snorted, his head popping up in my room “hey, aren’t you coming?”

“No.”

“May I ask you why, even though I know the answer?”

“If you know the answer, why do you even ask?”

“You’re making me sound stupid…”

I chuckled softly.

“I’ll finish this up first, okay?”

“Yeah, alright.”

I moved my attention back to my papers as I heard the door click. I was actually finish, I was just trying to delay everything as much as possible. If there’s one thing I hated the most was saying goodbye.

When I couldn’t simply stay in my room anymore, knowing that everyone would be gone in a few hours, I went downstairs, lazily dragging my bare feet on the steps. I was wearing nothing but shorts and a sweatshirt, never making an effort to even change my clothes.

“Look who’s gotten out of her cave” Tim teased, earning an eye-roll from me. “it’s like you live in a cave. A dark place and you never go out.”

I snorted, not even bothering to answer.

“She’s not Batman, Tim” Halvo said. This time, I had to laugh.

Pat who was sitting on the couch with Garrett, budged to the side so I could sit between them.

“Right, can I go back to my room now?”

“No” they all said in unison.

“Come on, I wan-“

“Cut off with that crap” John interrupted me.

“I can’t cut off, because it’s not crap.”

“Bullshit” Pat said. I rolled my eyes.

“Don’t even try.”

Garrett sipped his wine and sighed softly.

“If she wants to go, let her go.”

Pat frowned.

“Bullshit.”

“That’s not bullshit, Pat. Just promise you guys will say goodbye before you leave and everything’s gonna be alright.”

“I don’t get why you’re so sad” Tim said, crossing his arms on his chest. I cocked an eyebrow at him; like it wasn’t obvious. “okay, okay, I got it.”

“So, now I’m going to my room and I’m waiting for all of you to go there and say goodbye” I said as I got up and waved at them. They just nodded and smiled kindly at me.

I need to stop being melodramatic. It wasn’t the end of the world, it was only a tour. For two months. In another continent. That’s really bad, I trust me.

On my way back to my room, I heard someone following me, almost silently and I turned back to see who it was. Garrett was standing behind me, as if ready to startle me.

“Not gonna work” I told him simply. He shrugged.

“I wasn’t trying.”

I leaned against the doorframe to my room and he stepped to where I was standing. I spotted the glass with wine he had been holding earlier in his hand. He looked down and raised his eyebrows.

“Wine, Garrett? Classy.”

He gave me that lopsided grin of his and sighed.

“What’s up?”

“You wanted us to say goodbye, didn’t you?”

My breath caught in my throat.

“Are you leaving? Now?”

Garrett shrugged again.

“Trey is coming to pick me up. I still need to pack some stuff and…”

“And?” I said suggestively.

“And I need to go home.”

I bit my lip.

“This is the moment when we say goodbye, but I honestly can’t think of anything.”

“Awkward stuff” Garrett breathed out.

“You’re awkward.”

Garrett laughed and I smiled, crossing my arms on my chest and stepping closer to him. This was our first “happy” moment in weeks and I was trying my best to not ruin it, like I always did. Garrett’s eyes drifted down to my lips and I licked them unconsciously.

“Gare?”

His eyes snapped up to my face.

“So?”

“So… I guess this is a goodbye.”

“So soon?”

“It’s actually almost midnight, so it’s late, not soon” Garrett said with a laugh and I rolled my eyes.

Stepping even closer to me, he placed his hands on my hips. I could feel his warm breath face, his lips inches away from mine. I quickly closed the gap between us, pressing my lips to his. His lips part slightly, challenging me in. I molded my body against his and his arms spread around my waist. His lips had a bittersweet taste, like grape juice but stronger. I sighed, feeling our lips move in sync. I don’t think anything could get better than this.