Eloquence.

The fight was brutal and bloody. Most of us had made it out of the house, into open territory where we’d have as equal of a chance as we would ever get. The field behind the house reeked of death and fear. My fellow Gryffindors, the ones who made it out alive, huddled together. I squinted at them, green eyes flashed to mine and Lily Evans froze among the Marauders. Even caked in mud and blood she was strikingly beautiful. No one should look so pretty when they cry. The thought raced through my head and guilt boiled up my throat; I turned away from the Evans girl and the boys letting grief for my own friends weight down my body.

Dead, I thought numbly reaching out to the place where Loyd’s severed connection lay, all my friends are dead.

It had happened so fast, to fast and the injury my head had sustained didn’t make it any easier to keep track. I had gone over the couch, slammed into the table and threw the box with my one good arm. Someone hit me with a curse from behind and it hurt, oh Merlin how it hurt, but I took out the legs of the man to the right of the table like I had been told. Then the fight started.

The screaming was so loud now my ears were still ringing. Terrified people were begging for mercy at thin air, begging for more time. They were denied. Others were screaming our war cries and even more still were shouting out spell after spell. I had seen Sam and Loyd sprint off into the fray after a hole had been blown in the wall to the outside and not a single one had come back. Sirius had brushed by as he ran, the single glance he spared me filled with worry, resolve and gratitude.

I didn’t want it, still didn’t want those looks like I was some kind of hero or warrior or something. I wanted them to leave me be. Loyd had sent his parents a message for help and they had called the Auror’s in to save our lives. Not soon enough, I thought still reaching for Loyd’s mind out of the need for comfort. Five people died before the Auror’s had come to scare away the monsters from our nightmares. Three had what I called merciful deaths: Will, a recent graduate named Hannah, and Sam. The Killing curse had taken them all. Loyd and a Ravenclaw who worked in the library with Sam and I whose name was Liam, well they weren’t as lucky.

I can still see Loyd’s face, pale and stricken but smiling up at me still. Someone had hit him with a cutting curse, slicing open his stomach and his blood was drying on my hands. I had tried, tried so hard to help him. My life in your hands. He had taken it seriously, thrown himself between that curse and me, saved my life and I couldn’t even return the favor. The Auror’s had dragged away Mrs.Cartwright screaming and sobbing something awful, another death to weight down her shoulders. She didn’t deserve it.

“Um, excuse me.” A small hand landed on my shoulder and I jerked away spinning around to catch sight of a pretty woman looking apologetic, “You’re the girl who gave my daughter the chance to fight, right? You helped save her life?”

“I-”

“Mum, leave her alone. She’s had a bad enough day.” Lily Evans was shifting her feet, the Marauders hovering behind her looking worse for wear.

“I didn’t do anything.” I told the woman wobbling slightly from turning too fast, “I didn’t save anyone.”

Gently she grabbed my arms and helped me steady myself, “Not from what I hear.”

I snapped back from her stumbling slightly in my rush and I couldn’t help the words that came out of my mouth or the cruel way the sounded, “Then you heard wrong.”

She looked started and so did the others but the truth of my words, of their words and of the heartache I felt came tumbling down on my shoulders and I was having a hard time staying upright. I turned away, too fast again and stumbled nearly falling. I heard my name, the voice familiar and it hurt, oh it hurt, it hurt. Will’s mother was rushing over to me, her face pale and her eyes frantic, but no tears. She doesn’t know.

“Alouette, oh thanks goodness. Will you tell me where William is? Everyone is so busy and I didn’t want to- Alouette why are you looking at me like that?” Fear was making it’s way into her eyes and I was moving back, “Alouette where is he? Where’s my son?”

My legs were starting to shaking, I couldn’t tell her. Oh Merlin someone save me. She was still talking, rambling on and on just like Will did when he got nervous. How could I tell her, it would break her heart. I looked over at the Marauders and the Evans woman desperate. Please, I begged inside of my head, oh please don’t make me tell her. I saw it in Black’s eyes, he knew that Will was dead now too.

“Alouette, he was your friend,”She was shrieking now others were turning to stare, “you have to know!”

“I-I- I’m sorry.” My legs weren’t going to keep me up for much longer and my voice didn’t sound like my own, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t- I didn’t- I’m sorry.”

“Your sorry?” She screamed out, “What does that mean? Where is my son?”

I wanted to scream at her to tell her to ask someone else, anyone else but my voice box wasn’t working. I couldn’t feel my legs, my wand arm wouldn’t move, my head was pounding. My knees buckled suddenly under the onslaught of her questions and desperation. The ground was cool and the grass was sure to leave stains on my pants. Mrs.Evans was saying something, I could feel someone moving to help me. Didn’t they understand, I wanted to be alone.

“He’s dead!” I screamed the words at her from the floor covering my ears with my hands and curling in on myself despite my injuries, “Dead! They’re all fucking dead! Just leave me alone! Leave me alone!”