Eloquence.

I couldn’t remember the last time I was in St.Mungos very well, only that Loyd had been there too and that we were both scared. He wasn’t here now and I was left alone with my fears. There was something about the magical hospital that had always bothered me I never knew what but Loyd always told me that I could feel the other peoples pain. He said that that was what made him notice me all those years ago.

I can remember how we met, Loyd and I. It was summer time, we were maybe five at most, and his family had been visiting America for a few months. They rented the house next door, the house my mother had wanted so badly because of the view it offered. She was always the bitter type when she didn’t get what she wanted. My sister and I made cookies, sugar cookies to be exact, to take to our new neighbors. I remember that our brother kept eating the batter.

Loyd was a good four inches shorter than me at the time, with horribly cut red hair and the biggest smile I’d ever seen. We ate the cookies together hiding in a coat closet at the back of his house. He was the one to show me magic for the first time. He was the one who explained that my mother was a witch who had given up her wand to live a Muggle life. I remember when we were eight I asked him why my siblings couldn’t do it too. He told me I was special and I cried. I want to cry now, just thinking about all those summers we spent together and how now I’d have to spend those summers alone. I don’t.

“Ms. Harris?” The nurse is only half way through the door like she’s not sure if I’ll throw a fit or not, “Floo call for you.”

I get out of the chair I’d been sitting in, not quite sure how I’d gotten there, and follow the skittish looking woman out the door. I can guess who it is that will be waiting for me in the fire and I have a mind to go back into my room. I don’t though because she deserves better and this is the best I can do. My mothers face hovers in the green flames and she looks so tired. It takes me a minute to realize that this is the first time I’ve seen her in five years. I want to hug her but I can’t and that hurts too.

“Oh sweetheart, you look like someones cut out your heart.”

She sounds so tired and I know that she’s been up all night trying to find Muggle means of getting to me. I try to smile. Just once for her because I know it’ll make her feel better, but I can’t seem to work my face into it and it comes out all wrong. She only looks worse after that so I stop trying. I don’t tell her that I want to go home, I don’t pull up a chair to make myself comfortable, I don’t do any of that because really I don’t deserve it. I sit on the floor in front of the fire, too close because I can feel the heat of the grate burning my pants.

“Do I? Well it’s an improvement then.” I manage out.

“I heard about your friends. I’m very sorry.” She looks it too.

I shrug and pick at the thread on my sleeve. I remember when I snagged it; Sam had pushed me into one of the suits at school during one of our fights. My eyes close and I can hear my mothers voice but can’t make out the words properly. I turn my head to the left and I can hear her better. The Healers told me I wouldn’t be able to hear very well out of my right ear very well anymore. It’s what happens when a dark spell goes off next to your head, I suppose.

“Alouette?”

I look at the picture of my mother for a second before I realize she’s asked me a question, “What?”

Her sigh fills the room, “They wouldn’t want you to be like this.”

I know she doesn’t mean it to be an insult but I can feel that irrational anger boiling up in me. I bite my tongue so hard it bleeds, she doesn’t deserve to see me lose it. We don’t speak for a few minutes, we just sit together looking sad and lonely. I can hear my fathers voice in the background, I wounder what she said to get him to come for this. Then she starts talking, I think it’s because she hates the silence, about everything and nothing at all. My sisters getting married, my nephew is starting to walk, my brother has a job now, my dad’s bought a house, she’s dating someone new. Everything that I’ve missed is getting packed up and delivered with a bow of guilt on top of apologetic paper. It’s annoying.

“Where are you going to stay now?” My mother asks the question and I can see she’s running figures in her head.

“St.Mungos is keeping me until Tuesday.” I wave my hand and rub my eyes, “It’ll give me a little time to figure it out.”

“The Cartwright’s aren’t-”

“I can’t go back. It’ll be easier just to find my own place. I’ll use the money in Grandmother’s vault for a deposit and figure something out. Besides, it’s only for a month or so then it’s back to Hogwarts.”

I don’t tell her that we were all going to live together after graduation. That Sam was going into law or that Will was going to take over his fathers business or that Loyd and I were going to become Auror's together. I don’t tell her because it doesn’t matter anymore, those were the plans of kids that no longer exist. The same nurse comes in and tells me that I have to go back to my room for checkups. My mother cries when I say goodbye and I attempt to smile but it comes out all wrong. Then the fire goes out and I’m walking back to my room to be poked and prodded and to have my sanity questioned.