Eloquence.

The next morning came with a ferocious pounding on the door and in my head. I groaned, rolling off of the side of the old worn antique couch and slamming into the hardwood floor. The Dreamless Sleep potion was still in my system as it always was after another restless night and it made my body heavy and my head to ache. With minor difficulties, I shuffled up from my position on the floor and made my way to the door that was jumping in place from the force of the blows delivered from the other side. The pounding stopped for just a moment and a hurried hush of arguing voices whispered through the door. I unlocked it and pulled grimacing at the blinding light that came with morning.

“It’s probably some old rotting pureblood family that doesn’t care about the students, Evans. So what if I put a couple of dents in their door?”

“If there are any dents in my door, Black, you’re fixing them.”

Sirius Black whirled around on the top step of my house and looked at me bewildered. It was quite a group gathered in a bundle at my doorstep reeking with well meant intentions. Lily Evans was on the walkway below the front steps carrying a basket of what I assumed to be conjured flowers and a sad pity-filled smile graced her face at the sight of me. James Potter jumped from the porch rail and ran a hand through his already messy hair looking at me like I’d just stepped from a tomb. Remus Lupin stood politely off center to the left of Black holding a jar of wizard money and looking a little embarrassed. Peter Pettigrew was puttering up the last stretch of driveway holding a scroll of parchment with a brunette carrying a quill and some ink beside him. They all looked some level of surprised to see me.

“It’s Alouette, right? Alouette Harris?” Lily inquired, “We go to school together. I’m-”

“Lily Evans.” I sighed out leaning against the doorway feeling like hell, “I know who you are.”

Lily blinked a few times and flushed a pretty shade of pink, “I- well-right.”

“We’re in the same house. I share a room with you?” I deadpanned irritation bubbling up at the way she looked almost ashamed for not realizing, “Is there something I can do for you or…?”

“We’re going to the families of students from school and asking for donations for a memorial. You know, for the students who…” Remus trailed off looking pitying in a way that fueled my irritation.

“For the students who…” I trailed off in a mocking manner, “Died? Were murdered? Are now no longer part of the food chain? It’s not that hard, they won’t mind I’m sure since they can’t hear anymore. Maybe if it’s so damned hard figure out the names of those students the lot of you tormented in daily school life, you could oh I don’t know get better at pretending you give a shit. You didn’t care when they were still breathing why bother now? Get off my porch.”

I stepped back in ignoring the expressions on their faces and went to slam the door. Sirius got in the way of that. He jerked forward slamming one hand into the door and using his shoulder to keep it open. The expression on his face was odd, lost somewhere from sad to hurt to angry and still changing. After a moment of holding us there in that place, the door half closed, eyes half glaring, his body loosened and his face relaxed into something distant and sad. My stomach twisted painfully and I shoved it away like I had gotten in the habit of doing when I felt any kind of guilt. Sirius searched me for a moment, running his eyes over and over my face as though he’d lost something there and was in need of it. Maybe it was something that I had lost that he was looking for, something precious but long forgotten. It made me nervous to have someone so close, staring so deeply.

“Look, I know it’s a little late to start being nice but-”

“Yeah your right, Black, it is. Why are you lot doing this anyway? Did any of you even know their names before they were some tragic story to feed the masses? Did any of you even share a single word with them, any of them? You want my advice, get someone with you who knew them, someone who cared before it was required. Otherwise, everything your doing it’s for you, not them.” I pressed one hand against his chest and shoved glowering up into his face, “Now get out of the way and off my porch.”

It took one more push to dislodge Sirius from my doorway and I shut it quickly afraid of what their faces would hold. I’d seen enough looking at Sirius’ to know that I didn’t want to see the others. What I had told them was wrong, true as it might be. They were trying to help, trying to feel better themselves and I was wrong to try and crush that.

I pressed my back harder against the closed door hearing it creak along with my sadness. I didn’t know when I started crying but I was. The tears boiled down my cheeks and I slid down the door in time with them. It hurt, it did and I should have been doing something like the others to make it better. Better for me, better for them, better for someone, anyone who cared. I sat there with my head on my knees for some time before I steadied myself and got up heading for the fireplace that was connected to the Floor network. Where’s that Gryffindor courage, Lark? I wiped my face and tugged yesterdays shirt into a proper place.