Right Here Waiting

By Friday, Val and Brian had camped themselves out at Eliza’s house. They, along with Katie, were keeping a constant eye on Eliza. The day after Eliza had found out, Katie had woken up early and realized Eliza wasn’t next to her. She got up and found her on the back deck. She had taken one look at Eliza and realized she hadn’t slept; she called Val, then. They weren’t worried about her doing anything harsh, but she hadn’t eaten or spoken really in the two days since her father passed. The only thing she had said was a question to Val and Katie, asking them to plan the funeral. Everyone knew by now, and every once in a while, a few of the guys would call and check on her. Even David called five times a day to check on her, but Katie just said she still wasn’t talking.

Brian had gone out for coffee that morning. He walked back into the kitchen where Val and Katie were sitting, watching Eliza through the window.

“How is she?”

“She’s still not talking or eating,” Katie said, taking a sip of her coffee. “I don’t know what I can do.”

Brian sighed, and took one of the coffee cups outside with him. Eliza had on a pair of basketball shorts and a sweatshirt. Her hair was pulled back from her face, except a few strands blowing in the wind, and her face was ashen. Her eyes were dark, sunken, and dull. She glanced up at his arrival and her lips lifted to a small smile, but it quickly faded and her eyes returned to staring at nothing. He lifted her up and sat down, pulling her onto his lap. She curled up on him but her eyes still stared at nothing.

“Eliza, honey, you need to eat something.”

She didn’t say anything.

“I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through now, sweetheart, but it’s not going to help if you starve yourself to death.”

Her eyes blinked and she focused, looking at the coffee cup he was holding out in front of her. Slowly, her hand reached out and she took the cup from him. She twirled it in her hands for a few minutes before she finally took a sip of it. The warm liquid flowing down her throat felt weird. She handed the cup back to him and looked back out over the ocean.

Brian sat there for a few more minutes rubbing her back, trying to think of something to say when she finally spoke up.

“You’re going, right?”

“To the funeral? Of course I am, Eliza. We all are, actually.”

“I want you guys to play something. It doesn’t have to be anything major, and it doesn’t have to be a lot, just one song or something. I think he would’ve liked that,” she said, turning her head toward Brian.

“Of course we’ll play, Eliza. We’d be honored.”

“I’ve got a song in mind that I want to sing. I printed out the chords for it in my room. Do you mind learning it?”

“Not at all, Eliza. Anything for you.”

She nodded and rested her head back on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms more securely around her, and within minutes she was asleep.

After Brian put Eliza in her bed, he left immediately with Katie, calling all the guys to make sure they were home. He walked into the basement to silence, yet all the guys were there.

“Eliza wants us to play a song tomorrow at the viewing.”

All the guys immediately straightened up, taking the meeting a thousand times more serious now.

“Any idea of what we should play?” Matt asked quietly.

“Eliza had a song in mind, and she printed the chords out for us. She wants to sing that song, but we need a couple more, which is why I brought Katie. She knows more than we do,” Brian said, motioning towards the girl. She smiled and quietly made her way to sit beside Zacky, his arm going around her.

“There are a couple of songs I can think of that would be really good for this. The main one that I really want you guys to play for her is “Lullaby” by Shawn Mullins.”

“Johnny, you wanna find the tabs for it?” Matt asked.

“Sure,” Johnny said and picked up his laptop to do some searching. After a few minutes, he looked up. “I’ve got it ready to play so that we can hear it first.”

The guys remained silent as the song played. Brian remembered Eliza mentioning this song, saying her dad loved to play it for her. He listened to the song and smiled. Once it was over, he picked up his guitar and started playing. The guys listened to him pick along the strings.
“You already know this song?” Katie asked.

“Eliza mentioned it once, and I learned how to play it.”

Zacky sat forward, picked up his guitar and Jimmy pulled out his drum pad. Katie listened with a smile as they spent the next hour learning to play the song. She looked around the group and was glad that Eliza had friends like these, who were willing to learn songs they didn’t know just for her.

A little while later, they had the three songs learned for the memorial service. Katie and Zacky left to head back to Eliza’s house and Brian went upstairs to shower. When he was done, he headed back to Eliza’s house to find her awake. She was sitting on the back porch again, this time she had a glass of something. Her eyes had lost a little bit of their darkness, but not much, and Brian knew she hadn’t slept a long time. He walked into the house to talk to Val.

“She slept for about thirty minutes after you guys left, came downstairs, and immediately got the liquor out. That’s what she’s drinking.”

“Even if it isn’t healthy for her, at least she’s taking something in.”

“I think we’re leaving her alone too much,” Brian said, looking out the window. “She talked earlier. I think we just need to let her know we’re here.”

“She knows we’re here,” Katie said.

“She knows we’re physically here. Come on,” Brian said, and motioned for everyone to follow him.

He led the group outside to the porch. He held his hand out to Eliza who took it and stood up. He sat down, and without pulling her, she immediately curled up on his chest and let out a contented sigh. Katie and Val shared a glance before sitting down in the chairs, Zacky sitting down in the remaining chair.

Eliza watched as Zacky held out his hand and Katie placed her small one in his rough, calloused one. She smiled at the action. “You guys are cute.”

Three pairs of eyes immediately turned to Eliza, surprised she had spoken. Brian gave them an “I-told-you-so” look. He turned his attention back to Eliza as his fingers found their way to their way to her hair.

“Thank you,” Zacky said, smiling. “You know, it’s really an honor you want us to play for the memorial tomorrow, Eliza. We really appreciate you wanting us to do that.”

“Trust me, I should be thanking you. I know it would’ve meant a lot to my dad that you guys played. He really liked your music.”

Zacky smiled and leaned back in his chair. “We’ve got some good songs to play, too. Matt’s still at the house making sure he gets all the lyrics exactly right. He doesn’t want to mess anything up.”

“That reminds me,” Eliza said, and stood up. “Brian, will you go with me to the funeral home? I need to tell them about the band playing and make sure they’ve got everything set up.”

“Yeah, sure. Are we going right now?”

At Eliza’s nod, he stood up and watched her walk inside.

“I’ll be damned,” Katie said, watching her best friend. “How did you know?”

“She talked when I came out here before. Just be there and she’ll do the rest,” Brian said.

They watched him walk into the house and follow Eliza.

Brian kept close to her as they walked into the funeral home and as she explained to the director about the band. He helped the director set up the chairs for them. Brian explained they wouldn’t need anything; the band would bring their own equipment. As they were leaving, the director took them a different way out, and through double doors, Brian and Eliza caught a glimpse of her father. Eliza immediately stopped talking and went silent again. She remained silent the whole ride home.

“It gets better, I promise,” Brian said, and reached his hand across the center console to hold her hand.

“I hope so, Bri. I really hope so.”



The next morning, the guys all dressed in silence. They took the short ride to Eliza’s house to pick up the girls, and everyone remained silent, fully aware of what they were driving to. Matt moved from the front seat to allow Eliza to sit there, and her hand found Brian’s again across the console.

He glanced at her from the driver’s seat. Her arms looked small compared to the black shirt she was wearing. The black jacket to go over it was sitting on her lap. She’d removed all her bracelets, opting for very little jewelry. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and Brian knew she hadn’t gotten any sleep the night before. Her eyes were still dark and sunken in. Her mouth was a hard line. She stared straight ahead, and Brian would’ve thought she wasn’t even there if she didn’t have a death-grip on his hand. He rubbed his thumb across the inside of her palm, and watched her eyes close.

The ride was over before they knew it. Eliza reluctantly got out, walking in between Brian and Katie, holding both of their hands. Setting up the equipment, the guys didn’t speak much. Eliza made sure the rows were roped off for her and the guys. The band was sitting in the second row behind her, while she was sitting in the front row with her father’s sister and husband. They had flown out last night, but Eliza hadn’t seen them until the morning of. They were the only family she had left; both sets of her grandparents had passed when she was younger, and her mother didn’t have any siblings. Eliza hugged the couple tightly in greeting and they talked for a few minutes.

The doors opened at noon, and Eliza had managed to keep her eyes off the front of the room where her father’s casket was lying open. People from all over the city filed into the room after noon, coming to the front to offer their condolences and apologize to her and her aunt, making Eliza stand on edge. Every once in a while, Brian would put his arm on her shoulder for reassurance, and beside her, Katie would squeeze her hand, letting her know everything was okay. Because of her friends, Eliza was able to get through the viewing and the crowds of people, before the service actually started.

The band filed up to the front of the room and sat down on their stools, waiting for the pastor to start. He opened with a prayer, and everyone bent their head, listening to his words. When he mentioned Matthew Grey, Eliza’s heart squeezed painfully and she reached out for Katie’s hand, not letting go. The pastor finished his prayer and nodded to them. Brian’s fingers started picking at the strings, and Eliza let out a shaky breath.

She smiled as the guys played “Summer of ‘69”, knowing her father loved the song. Once they finished, the guys filed their way back to the second row as the pastor read a few more scriptures. Once he was done, a slideshow of her father’s life started up. Her aunt had made the slideshow, her only contribution, and Eliza was really impressed over the detail she’d gone into. She looked down at Katie’s hand and followed it up so see Katie’s tear-streaked face. She wished she could cry, too, but she knew the tears would never fall. Once the slideshow was over, the guys made their way back up to the front to start on the second song.

Eliza’s heart squeezed as she recognized “Lullaby” by Shawn Mullins. She vaguely remembered telling Brian about this song, and how her father would play it whenever she was going through a rough time. This song always made her feel better, but now, it didn’t. The song made her miss her father more, and as her eyes connected with Brian’s, she sighed again. At the chorus, Eliza felt a humongous wave of emotion take a hold of her, and she leaned forward trying to catch her breath. Fresh tears came to her eyes as Katie leaned forward to make sure she was okay. She nodded she was fine and leaned back, holding her chest over her heart. To her, it felt as if her heart was breaking.

The song was over, and her aunt made her way to the pulpit to speak. Casually, Eliza turned around and saw that the entire room was filled with people, and some were even standing around the wall in the back. She knew her father was well-liked, but she was surprised at the number of people who came out to remember him. All over the room sniffles and sobs could be heard, yet not one came from Eliza. Finally, her aunt finished and it was her turn to speak. Exhaling, she stood up on wobbly legs and walked to stand in front of the microphone.

An image of herself doing the same thing for her mother’s funeral popped into her mind, and she moved her eyes to her right to see Brian staring at her. She took strength from him, and spoke.

“My whole life, my father told me it was okay to cry. If someone hurt me, I should cry. If I hurt myself or got injured, I could cry. If I was sad or angry or even happy, I should cry. He said that crying was good for the soul. The only time he told me not to cry was for him. When my mother passed, it was at the time, one of the most difficult things I had ever done, and for some reason I couldn’t cry. He told me it was okay, and that if anything should happen to him, he didn’t want me to cry. He wanted me to remember the good things he had done.

“As far back as I can remember, he had some sort of instrument in his hand and it was no wonder I ended up picking up a guitar at an early age. The first time he heard me play music he told me I had talent. He never gave up hope that one day I would be a musician. He supported me in every way possible: paying for better lessons or a new guitar, paying for a music college, and everything in between. He touched so many lives it’s completely unbearable. As his daughter, there were times I thought it was completely lame to have my father as a teacher. Looking back, I wish those times were still here.”

Her voice caught and she had to blink a few times. She took a few steady breaths, apologized out loud, and closed her eyes. She felt a hand grasp hers and opened her eyes to Brian standing beside her. She remembered that day in the hospital where he had told her she was one of the strongest people he had ever known, and she faced the crowd again. She laced her fingers between his and squeezed. He squeezed back.

“Matthew Grey was a man like no other. He was a music teacher, a husband, and the best father anyone could’ve asked for. I hope that one day I can live up to his expectation of what I could become, and even if I can’t, I know he’ll be in heaven looking down, smiling at me. If he were here now, he’d laugh at how serious I was being and tell me to lighten up. He’d tell the boys to my right that they needed to play more rock and get this place jumping. Well, daddy, I’m here rocking for you. I always will be. I love you to the moon and back.”

She heard more sobs coming from the crowd as she finished. She hugged Brian and followed him back to the band where she stood in front of the microphone. Matt sat down at the piano to the far right of them and began playing.

“Wind blowin’ on my face
Sidewalk flyin’ beneath my bike
A five year-old’s first taste
Of what freedom’s really like
He was runnin’ right beside me
His hand holdin’ on the seat
I took a deep breath and hollered
As I headed for the street

You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Oh, I think I’m ready
To do this on my own
It’s still a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I’ll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go

I was standin’ at the altar
Between the two loves of my life
To one I’ve been a daughter
To one I soon would be a wife
When the preacher asked,
‘Who gives this woman?’
Daddy’s eyes filled up with tears
He kept holdin’ tightly to my arm
‘Till I whispered in his ear

You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Oh, I think I’m ready
To do this on my own
It still feels a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I’ll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go

Eliza’s eyes closed, not ready for the last verse. Slowly, she opened her eyes and finally looked out around the crowd. Katie was openly crying and so was her aunt. She heard a lot of sobs coming from the crowd. She took a deep breath and continued singing:

It was killin’ me to see
The strongest man I ever knew
Wastin’ away to nothin’
In that hospital room
‘You know he’s only hangin’ on for you’
That’s what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breakin’
As I crawled up in his bed, and said

You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It’s gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I’ll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go”

Eliza finished the song and looked out over the crowd. Every single person, including the pastor was wiping at their eyes. She walked beside Brian, who also had tears in his eyes, and sat down beside Katie. Immediately, Katie latched onto her hand and leaned into her.

“I love you, Eliza.”

“Love you, too, Katie.”