Shielding Nothing

I remember when he first kissed me.
Or well, tried to….

"Yea, I know. They seriously need to calm down." I agreed with Cristian. We were at this club meeting and those people were super strict and everything above.

He laughed, "Did you see that one girl. Her face was burning red." I laughed too.

We kind of goofed off during the meeting which caused one of the presidents, Tricia Luong to yell at us. We being very immature and cool made snarky remarks. The pleasure of having friends with you at a boring meeting.

We were sitting on a box and talking while enjoying some Starbucks of which we went out to buy this late at night. People passed and looked but they didn't care so it was cool, we probably looked like hobos.
We both were having laughing attacks… so fun…. especially with Cristian.
He tells funny stories because he's the kind of guy that attracts things unbeknownst to many people, including me. He can go all night with his stories. He was so good at telling them, I always lose focus when he starts telling them. I wonder where he gets it from sometimes.

As I stared at him telling his stories I was captured by him. Honestly, I do have a crush on him but at the same time I wish I really didn't. Cristian is probably the best guy friend I had since my band uncles, but basically my band uncles don't count as friends.
I can't make guy friends easily, so this is a first. And also the fact that my father and uncles never let any guy get close to me… but also the other problem was that I was really weird when it came to these things, like a relationship with guys. Unless they were old, gay, or taken… I would never talked to any guy. So, this is a first. Cristian and I became good friends after suffering a grueling semester with Professor Kronak, our Calculus teacher.
I remember the first day of class. Apparently out of all the teachers at the university Professor Kronak just had to make a seating chart. I never went to a public school so I didn't care until some people started complaining about how it was like High School. I felt naive and out of place because I honestly didn't care while some people had god conversations about the comparison with High School. But in all my troubles I guess some how, this guy with intelligent deep brown eyes with light brown and blonde hair decided to talk to me… the somewhat naive loner. Apparently, he didn't care about it either. He admitted he was homeschool all through life so this was different and out of place. I laughed and admitted my naivety to the situation. From then on, it began our wonderful friendship.

"Hey, you okay?" he asks me. I snapped out of the nostalgia in my mind and looked at him with smiled.

"Yea, I'm cool." I said then looked at him, he grinned and continued our conversation.

Another reason why I seriously like Cristian was that he continues the conversation for me. Like the first day of Calculus, he started the conversation.

"And I saw them just standing out the house. Later this old woman comes along and she held out a freakin gun and pointed it to them." I stifled a laughter at his story, Cristian gets involved or witnesses the weirdest happenings.

"Then? What happened to the boys?" I asked him.

"They begged her not to freakin kill them. It was hilarious, and this woman was about 60 years old, she was even shaking! I mean seriously, she was half their sizes and her back was crouching." He said I smiled.

"You witness the weirdest things." I said shaking my head slightly. He grinned and flashed his beautiful glinting smile. I looked away, my cheeks were probably flushed.

"You love my stories, don't deny it." He said putting his arm around me when I stood up. I smiled and I let it be. He has been doing this for awhile now.

"Come on, Mister. Let's start heading back to the dorms." I said after throwing my cup in the trash.

As we walked in the breezy fall, I felt so warm in Cristian arms. It honestly didn't bother me, unlike when one of our guy friends did it as a friendly gesture. I kind of ended up jabbing him in the ribs because he didn't get the message to lay off. I looked up to stare directly into his eyes. I didn't know he was staring at me while we were walking. I stuck my tongue out at him and then grinned.
He then stopped. I turned to face him, his arm was still around me. He lifted his hand to my face. Was this it? Is he going to kiss me? As his hand got closer and closer, he stared at my lips. I felt his finger under my chin lifting my face up.

I was breathing faintly because I couldn't breathe at all.

Was this finally it? My heart was beating uncontrollably.

Did I want this?

Would this one kiss affect our relationship?

Then his thumb came up to my lips and wiped something off from my upper lip.

"You had chocolate on your lip." He said and then we continued walking.

I was in shock. What the hell was I thinking? Why would I ever think that Cristian would look at me in that way. I scoffed in my mind. I felt stupid. I felt stupid enough to jump off a bridge. Because honestly, I expected the unexpected. I can't believe this. How can I be so dumb and naive. I was guilted and I was feeling incredibly ignorant and narcissistic.

How can a great and handsome guy like Cristian ever want to be with me…

As we continued walking back to the dorms I was still shaken. I was tensed while his arms were still around me. I can't believe I thought he was about to kiss me. I can't wait to drag this on to Kira, Crista, and Francis in the room.
We were almost there, I could see the campus lights in their old lamps out in the yard. I was thinking really hard. Maybe this was supposed to happen. I shouldn't be in love with my best friend. What would happen if our relationship doesn't work out in that way? It was dumb and selfish to ruin out friendship…
That's what I was supposed to be thinking, that being in a relationship with Cristian would ruin everything but the thing was… I didn't think that would happen. Because… honestly, I really like Cristian. I don't care if it would ruin our friendship. In this moment, right now… I just really wanted to be with him on another level. I didn't want to hold back anything…. so I did it.

I don't know what exactly did it, or where the hell I got the guts to do so but I did it. By guilty lust, I grabbed him and pulled him down near my face.

Our faces were only an inch apart.

I felt his breath on my nose, we were both dead silent now.

I pulled away. My brain finally worked properly and so I didn't kiss him.

I looked at him with guilt and anguish, his face was dazed and shocked. I tried looking away but I couldn't bare tearing my face away. I felt a tear about to drop.

"Finally." He said breathlessly. He grabbed me up and then placed my back at the brick wall of the dorm house and surrounded me.

His face lowered down to mine, I felt his breath and warmth. My body was lustful and wanting but when his lips were a 1/2 cm away from my lips, when he dived I turned my face. He ended up kissing my cheek. He pulled away and looked at me confusingly.

"Sorry." I said. "I wasn't ready."

"Oh… no I am… I just thought… I mean…we have feelings for each other… right?" He asks me hopefully. I didn't answer.

"Or maybe, I'm just being an idiot right now." He said sighing in distress. I shook my head no.

I blushed and bit my lower lip.

I stared up at him to see him smiling brightly and happily.

"Am I being an idiot right now?" He asks me. I shook my head again and answered him this time.

"No. You aren't." I said, I was breathless.

"Good. I've been waiting for what seems like forever." He said. I smiled. I dove into him and hugged him. He wrapped both of his arms around me and enveloped me in his embrace.

"That's nice to know Mr. Dramatic." I said jokily.

"I'm so sorry M'am." I smiled at him. I tiptoed and pecked him on the lips. I pulled away and he smiled.

"So… I did get the kiss. Do I have to be dramatic to get them because… I don't like the plan." he said.

I smiled and shook my head no.

"Nope." I said and wrapped my arm around his, we walked to our dorms. I hugged his arm smiling like a fool. He was holding my hand and squeezing it tightly.

"I really fuckin hope this isn't another dream." He said. I laughed looking up at him. He had a sparkle in his eyes.

It wasn't a dream… it was our first kiss.