We're Slightly Less Screwed

“FUCK YEAH!” I cheered, driving at highly illegal speeds away from the base. Two more months of practice and I was finally in control of my All Spark energy. I could mask it with no problem, and my ratio of made to fried drones had decreased dramatically.

After nonstop bitching, Ratchet had declared me free to leave base. I had a curfew that no doubt would be completely ignored, but it was a start.

I decided my first stop was gonna be to visit Slater. I pulled up in front of Ink Splat and walked in. A guy there walked over to me. “Can I help you?” he asked. I could tell by the way he looked at me that he thought I was just some Hollywood ditz.

I put on my Paris Hilton voice. “Uh yeah, I was wondering if, ya know I could get “fuck bitches get money tattooed across my ass.”

“Are you serious?”

“Totally.”

“I don’t know-“

“You are such a sucker,” Kendall said.

He looked relieved. “Anyways, what do you really want?”

“To talk to Slater.”

“You Blake?”

‘That’s right they haven’t met me yet.’

“Yeah.”

“Figure the clothes and all. Slater says you’re a fashionista. She also says you have red hair.”

I shrugged. “Been too lazy to dye it.”

“DUDE YOU’RE FREE!” Slater screamed upon seeing me.

“Finally the Hatchet let me out.”

“Awesome, so you’re fully in control.”

“Yupp!”

“You going shopping?”

I just gave her an ‘are you kidding me?’ look.

“Slayer, we don’t have all that many appointments for today. You can go with her, if you want, since she was just freed from whatever.”

“NO!” Slater screamed, ducking behind the counter. “Last time I went shopping with her, I nearly died.”

“That was because you did not listen to me, when I said to stay out of my way.”

“I was out of your way!” she protested.

“You were in my car. You were in my way.”

“I was nearly suffocated under all of her shit!”

“Which is why you’re not coming with me. I haven’t been hopping in months, so I’m gonna buy anything and everything I want.”

“Christ. She’s gonna have a fucking clothes-gasm.”

“Fuck off.”

“Make me.”

“Blow me.”

“Much rather not catch one of your skank ass diseases.”

“No diseases here, but honestly I really don’t want your dumpster diseases.”

“You fuck around with all this toxic shit, when you work on all your fucking projects and shit.”

“Dumpsters are fucking disgusting,” I said.

“Isn’t your credit card burning a hole in your pocket? Go fucking buy some shit.”

“It is, and my foot is just itching for that damn gas pedal. Bye guys.” I waved to Kendal and Shane. “See ya later bitch,” I said to Slater.

“See ya whore.”

I flipped her off and got back in my Nissan and was off. I parked in the garage of the first (and largest) of the three branch hotels we had in Vegas. It was actually the one that my family lived in.

Using my key, which allowed me access to all the floors, I took the elevator up to my parents’ penthouse.

“MOM! DAD!” I screamed. I walked into the kitchen and pulled a Fiji water out of the fridge and an apple off of the counter.

I walked back the hall towards my dad’s office. I knocked on the door. I walked in and he was sitting in his chair sleeping with his head on the desk. I nudged him. He woke up with a start.

“You okay?” I asked, taking a bite out of my apple.

“Blake, when did you get here?” he asked me.

“About four minutes ago,” I said. I took another bite of my apple. “Why are you sleeping in your office? All nighter?”

“Have you been declared safe from whatever it is that was after you?” my dad asked.

“Daddy, nothing is after me. It’s just precaution and no, not yet. I’m still under protection. I’m just allowed to go out and about now.”

“I still don’t understand why we’re not allowed to know what’s going on. We’re your parents.”

“And I am legally an adult, who cares more about keep you safe through ignorance rather than putting you at risk, just to appease your irritation at your ignorance.”

“Why’d I raise such a smart girl?”

“So that when you die, I can take this over,” I answered.

“Are you gonna get your degree?” he asked me.

I rolled my eyes. “In due time. Actually, where I’m staying I can get it way way faster.” I had thought many times about just hacking into a college main frame. I had already gotten my degree once, and it was not fun. I could just speed up the process a little. “So are you gonna tell me why you passed out in here or am I gonna have to do some investigating?”

“I started working last night and just fell asleep. Your mother and I got into a little bit of a fight.”

“Over?”

“You.”

“Me? What about me?”

“She thinks that you’re trying to separate yourself from us.”

“I honestly had to fight pretty much everyone tooth and nail to be here today, especially without a fucking guard. Although, I’m pretty sure the only reason they want me to have a guard is because a quite a few of them want to leave.”

“She’s just having a little bit of separation anxiety,” he said.

“Honestly, I am with the greatest group of people ever. Plus it’s not like I’m alone with a bunch of strangers. I got Slate with me.”

“I tried saying that.”

“You think she’ll chill out, if I arrange a dinner with some of the guys?”

“Possibly, but it’s your mother. I’m more likely to predict, who is gonna win the lottery than her reaction.”

“Well, I’ll see what I can do. They’re very busy.”

“So where are you going after here?” my dad asked.

“Shopping, shopping, shopping then more shopping. Then I’m getting my hair and nails done. I’m going home after that though.”

“Your mother is in Aspen. She left this morning with Barbra.”

“Oh fucking joy.”

“Well, I’ll find a date. Then you can make reservations.”

“I haven’t been shopping in months. Months.”

He shook his head. “My little Testa, you’re gonna shop me into bankruptcy.”

“Will not.”

“Be careful. Last time you wrecked.”

“That was because of the other asshole, not me.”

“Just go shop and don’t over-do it,” he said in a warning tone.

“Moi?” I asked with exaggerated shock. “Over do it? Why I would never!”

“Get out of here, Rossa.”

“Bye Daddy.”

“See ya kid.”



Juicy Couture, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Dior, Betsy Johnson, Tiffany’s, Marc Jacobs, a new hair cut, a fresh dye job and twenty-seven thousand dollars. I had over done it. I knew it, but considering that I had been on shopping trips, where I’d spent five times that, I highly doubted my father would care. The Nissan was crammed with bags. I made sure that no one was really paying attention, when I turned on to the road that led to base.

The base was still in Nevada. In fact it was in the one, the only, area 51. Slater and I had tried to snoop around, but because of the fact I was being watched by fucking Cybertronians, I didn’t get fucking anywhere. When I got to base, I parked in the hangar, where we kept the alternative modes for the bots. I was excited, because since I got to go car shopping for the new bots’ altmodes. Hello Stingray Corvette.

I put my bags on my arms, barely fitting them all. (I refused to make another trip.) I walked through the residential quarters to my room. Most of the soldiers were still wary of me, so I gave them my trademark bitchy indifference, while saying hi to those I didn’t find fucking annoying.

“Red! You’re red again!”

“Wow, Mike! I bet it was your observational skills that go you so far in life!” I quipped. I opened the door to my room and dropped all my stuff and changed.

I was gonna go find Ratchet and start lobbying for more freedom. Translation: I wanted to move back into my house. I loved being around the bots and the soldiers, but I missed my California king.

Just as I was about to enter the medbay, the damn alarm rang throughout base.

“OH COME ON FOR FUCKS SAKES!” I screeched.

“Oh quit being such a fucking drama queen, and let’s go see what’s going on,” Slater said, coming up behind me.

“Where the fuck where you?”

“With Jazz.”

She and I walked to the control room. It was one of my favorite rooms on base. Why? Teletraan 1. I had begun working with the human tech team and Ratchet the instant that we had gotten to base. Ratchet and I had pretty much taken charge. He’d done the most to his abilities, and after that, I was in complete control. He had patients to attend to after all.

Along the edge of Teletraan 1 was a deck for the human tech team. Maggie and Glenn had been my biggest help, but there came a point, where only my obnoxious knowledge of Teletraan 1 allowed anyone to do anything, and I don’t work well with others, so until Wheeljack arrived, we were at sort of a standstill. That didn’t mean Teletraan wasn’t awesome though. I mean he might have had just the tiniest amount of All Spark energy in him. As I said, I could only make drones. This one was just big and not fucking crazy.

“We’ve got incoming arrivals, the computer says friendly,” one man said to Lennox. I took my seat on the deck at the main human control.

“Do we know who?” Optimus asked.

“We haven’t had contact and the computer doesn’t say,” the soldier said.

I rolled my eyes. “Teletraan!” I called. Everyone human and bot alike looked at me. I continued. “Identify incoming Autobot arrivals,” I commanded.

“Identifying, “ Teletraan responded. There was a pause for a moment, before Teletraan began to spit out what I needed. “Incoming Autobot arrival: designation Jolt. Incoming Autobot arrival: designation Arcee. Incoming Autobot arrival: designation Chromia. Incoming Autobot arrival: designation Flare-up. “

“Teletraan, where is their projected landing location and ETA?“

“Projected landing location for Acree, Chromia and Flare-up: 38.4542° N, 110.2089° W. ETA: Twelve hours, thity-two minutes and fourteen seconds.”

One of the techs searched the coordinates. “Horse Shoe Canyon, Utah.”

“Projected landing location for Jolt: 40.7997° N, 113.8000° W. ETA: Nineteen hours, twelve minutes and thirty-seven seconds.”

“Bonneville Salt Flats,” the tech spoke again.

“It is good to hear that our comrades shall be arriving soon,” Optimus said.

“Teletraan, have you found any sign of Decepticon activity?”

“No sign of Decepticon activity.”

“Thank you Teletraan. Update us when new information becomes available.”

“Request acknowledged.”

I spun around in my chair and faced the masses. “I bet someone’s happy to hear that a certain trigger happy femme is arriving to Earth.” I smirked at Ironhide.

“I will blast you to pieces femme,” he threatened.

I ignored him. “And now Ratchet has someone to boss around, who actually knows what the fuck he’s doing.”

“It will be nice to have some competent help.”

“So what’s your plan, Prime?” I asked.

“We will split into two teams,” Optimus said.

“Lennox, you are to choose the men, who you feel are best fit to accompany my autobots to each landing zone. “Ironhide, you and I will go to where the femmes are landing.”

“Ratchet and Jazz, you will go to Jolt’s landing location.”

“Boss Bot, don’t ya think someone should stay back just in case?” Jazz said.

“Jazz, you are right. You shall stay back and guard base.”

“Got it, Boss Bot.”

“I wanna go,” I whined.

“No.” Hide and Ratchet said.

“I think the femme should go,” Jazz spoke. “She knows the most bout us, an’ she has the resources to get ya out of a sticky situation, if the humans come round.”

“She’s the All Spark. What if there are decepticons and they sense her?” Ratchet asked.

“Ratchet, run your most detailed and advanced scan on me,” I said. “Teletraan, what is the risk of Decepticon activity at the landing sites?”

“Minimal,” Teletraan answered. I felt Ratchet’s scanners on me, and he harrumphed, when he found he could not find any trace of the All Spark energy.

“I didn’t get to see you land, because I was get lost as fuck.”

“I see no harm in the femme going along. Ratchet, she’ll go along with you,” Optimus said.

“I’ll drive the Volt,” I said, running off.