We're Slightly Less Screwed

“Fuck you!”

“Suck my dick!”

“You don’t fucking have one!”

“Shut the fuck up and make me a sandwich!”

“Make your own sandwich you twat!”

“Cunt!”

“Bitch!”

“Slut!”

“Is that supposed to be some new fucking piece of information? Cause it’s not.”

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What the hell are you two going on about?” Lennox asked, coming between Slater and me.

“Bitch is giving me shit about my shoes, when she has nine million fucking hats!” I screamed.

“At least I wear all of my hats.”

“I wear all of my shoes.”

“ONCE!

“And how many times do you wear each hat?”

“More than you wear each pair of shoes.”

“GIRLS!” Lennox shouted.

We looked at him.

“Are you two really fighting over this?”

“Yes!” we shouted.

“Jesus Christ,” Lennox muttered.

“Blake-” Lennox looked at me. “-Go to the command center.”

“Slater, go do whatever it is you do,” he said to her.

“Is this your version of sending us to our rooms?” Slater asked.

“No, because I could actually do that.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I would love to see you try,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Blake-“

“Fuck you. If you need me, I’ll be in the command center,” I said. As I walked, I noticed a few sets of eyes wandering towards me. “Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” I sneered. When I made it to the command center, I sat at my chair in front of Teletraan. Jolt, Ratchet and Ironhide, were standing at the Autobot screen staring at something.

Rather than bug them (and possibly get blown to pieces or a wrench lobbed at me), I had Teletraan start running through every database that it could find, searching for any more information on Cybertronian research and tech throughout the world. While that went on, I started playing Galaga.

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck! God damn it!” I swore as more missiles dropped down on my ship.

“Will you be quiet over there?” Ratchet barked at me.

The slight break in my concentration caused me to lose my last life.

I turned and glared at the medic. He was already focused back on the screen. I got up and walked over to where the bots, where watching. “What the hell are you looking at?” I asked.

“Go away,” Hide said.

“We will inform you, when we tell the others,” Ratchet added.

I went and sat down in my seat at Teletraan. “Teletraan stream what they’re seeing to my tablet,” I instructed. The images came on to my tablet, and I watched carefully. From the looks of it, it was intel and possible communication fragments on a bot, although I could not read what. “Translate that,” I said. The text went from Cybertronian to English. I calmly got up and left the command center. Once I was out and clear of anybots, I ran as fast as my heels would take me. I went into my room and grabbed a bunch of stuff and threw it into my bag. I went searching for Slater. She was using her mini-bot to tattoo a mellon.

“Bitch, drop the melon. We’re going on a field trip,” I said to her. She gave me a look before shrugging and standing up. She threw some stuff into a bag and cleaned up, before her little bot crawled onto her shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Ratchet asked as we walked past him in the hall way.

“I have no fucking clue,” Slater answered, looking at me skeptically.

“I need to swap my clothes.”

“Why the hell do I have to go?” Slater whined.

“Because I don’t get rid of shit unless you’re there to throw it away, when I’m not paying attention.”

“Bitch, I sell it,” she said.

“YOU WHAT?!” I bellowed.

“Fine. Leave, but be back soon,” he said.

We walked out to my Nissan. “So why are we really here?” she asked, once we entered the house.

“The bots are hiding something. I’m just trying to figure out what it is.”

“They’re gonna kick your ass. You know that right?”

“No. I’m more likely to get a wrench lodged in my face or blasted to hell and back by Hide,” I responded.

I kicked off my heels and trotted over to the boxes of my computer stuff. I dug around and began to carry the boxes I needed to my room. When I was down there, I hooked everything up and grabbed my phone. I called an acquaintance of mine.

After I hung up, I got up and changed.

When I went back upstairs, Slater gave me a look.

“Really?” she asked.

“What?”

“Really?”

“I need the tech.”

“You can get it from N.E.S.T.”

“That would involve clearance and me fessing up to what I’m doing.”

“Whatever. When you get a plasma cap busted in your ass, don’t come crying to me.”

“That’s not gonna happen. Have some faith.”

The GTR was too flashy for where I was heading, so I drove into Vegas and swapped for my Mitsubishi Evo. It wasn’t flashy like the GTR or the Bugatti, but I loved that car. It was fun, and I could drive it anywhere. It was low key, so I kept one on base and one at the resort.

On the outskirts of Vegas was a storage facility. It looked like shit and honestly, if I could get away with it, I’d burn the fucking thing to the ground, and if I was really lucky, the idiot, who ran it would be inside.

There was a lock on the fence, so I climbed over. Two German shepherds approached me, when I landed on the other side. Their ears flattened against their head, the hair on the back of their neck stood up, and their teeth were bared as low growls ripped through their throats.

“SUBMITTO,” I ordered. They instantly calmed. I headed towards the main building. It stunk so bad that I nearly threw up. Instead of continuing forward, I stopped and decided yelling was the better option.

“Oh Melee!” I screamed in a sing song voice, “Get the fuck out here, before I come in there and kick your ass.”

See the guy who owned the place was a super geek extraordinaire, who went by the name of Melee, because his name was Rick Mae. Yes, he was that much of a tool. In my dimension he was the best tech in the country. In this one he was known for having cybertronian tech that he someow managed to get from Mission City.

The door cracked open. “Listen, you prick, you’re gonna get your ass out here and help me. Then I’m gonna leave you the fuck alone. Got it? Good. Now get the hell out here.”

“God, I love it, when you swear,” he said. He was also a megacreep.

“Ugh, don’t jizz your pants,” I said, looking at him in disgust.

“How can I help you today, Babe`?”

“One, don’t call me ‘babe.’ You do it again, and I use my new connections and have you disappear. Second, I need quite a bit of tech from you today.”

“What for?” he asked.

“That’s for me to know and for you to never ask about again.”

“You’ve changed.”

“Yes I have. Now-“

“What connections?”

“Connections you don’t need to know about.”

“I need to know what I’m working with. Blake you’re one of my best customers, but I can’t have you ruining business, if you’re working with the government.”

“You’re of no concern to me or my people.”

“How about this? If you tel-“

I lost my cool a bit. He’d come out to me, so there was really no hope for him to get away. I grabbed his greasy, stained shirt with my left hand holding him, so that I could punch him with the right. “You’re gonna give me what I want and you’re not going to ask questions. Am I understood?”

“Yes,” he choked out.

“Good.” I smiled and released him. I prattled off what I needed and followed him inside, ignoring the stench as best as I cold. He gathered everything up and loaded it into the Evo.

“Good. I’ll take out all of your streaming and tracking devices out, when I get home.”

“How did you-“

“Do you really think you can hide things from me?” I asked sweetly. I then gave him an evil smirk. “Now you know. Try again, and I rip your balls off.”

“I liked you so much better, when you were just a normal customer. Then again this hard ass you is even fucking hotter.”

“HIT ON ME AGAIN AND I SNAP YOUR NECK!”

“I love you!” he screamed as I left.

“Go fuck yourself!” I replied.

“Only when I’m thinking of you!”

I barely heard his response, but I did and, I had to try really hard not to turn around and run his ass over.

When I got back to the house, I dragged my stuff down the stairs. As I was hooking everything up, Slater came down and flopped on my bed. “What the fuck are you doing?” she asked.

“Hooking everything up and getting rid of Melee’s stupid ass software.”

“So I have an idea,” Slater said.

“Elaborate.”

“What if I tattoo the N.E.S.T. symbol on anyone who wants it in N.E.S.T?”

“I want one,” I answered easily, “-But you gotta see if they’ll let you, being as we’re top secret and all. What the fuck are you? Do you even get one? I mean I’m the All Spark, and on top of that, I’m a NEST tech op. What the hell are you?”

“I’m your handler.”

“Bull fucking shit!”

She laughed. “I knew that’d piss you off.”

“Oh fuck you!” I snapped. When I hooked up the last cable, I powered everything up, smirking as it came to life. (Again there might’ve been a bit of All Spark energy involved.) I grabbed the multiple external hard drives that I brought from my purse and hooked them up. Once they all downloaded, which was fast because of the Cybertronian software I began to work. “Introducing Teletraan 2!” I said proudly.

I hooked up my phone and transferred the stream to my screens. “Teletraan copy and translate everything that’s being streamed. Also make sure my firewall is up and running. Block everything that can get into this, especially anything you can track back to a Rick Mae.”

We waited for a moment. Everything began to change from Cybertronian to English. I read over it with Slater reading over my shoulder.

I played the short clip that had been received. Teletraan cleared it up. The yellow paint and fins on both sides of the mech’s face made it obvious who it was.

“Oh my god!” I gasped.

Cybertronian. Explosions. Fuzz.

“Is that-“

“Sunstreaker.” I slammed my hand down on the desk. “Those fucking Decepticon bastards?”

We had no clue what type of condition Sunstreaker was in or Sideswipe. We needed one of them to check the stability of the bond. If it was messed up one or both of them could be in extreme pain.