Sequel: Shaken and Stirred ›
Getting through Traffic
Bloodstained Cars
The traffic had gotten thicker in my life. Three months now, I must look like a vampire. I’m pale as a ghost, I haven’t been eating. Mom and dad….said that everything would be better in New Jersey. Life would be better. The traffic took him away to fast.
“Honey…please.” My mother cried, I rolled down my sleeve and stuck it under the bed. I opened the door to see my waterlogged mother. Her face will never smile like it once did. That stupid wal-mart smile that I hated. Right now, I’d give anything to put it back on her face. She stood there in front of me, cigarette in hand, and bottle of vodka in tow.
“Mom….I’m busy.”
“I KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING UP HERE! I’M NOT STUPID!” She screamed at me, I looked down at the ground and sighed,
“You need to stop drinking.” I took the vodka from her hands and brushed past her,
“Stop acting like you don’t care! Stop acting like you are stronger than me.”
“Mom…he’s dead.”
“HE’S IN A COMA!” She screamed at me, falling to her knees. Just right there, I noticed…how angelic she looked. The tears streaming down her face and she was on her knees. Screaming to something that doesn’t exist. Praying to something that isn’t there.
“And it’s my fault.” I whispered to her, walking out the door. There he was my dark guardian angel. How long have I known you; the days seemed to rush together like one. Nothing seeming very important. I looked at the bottle of vodka half filled in my hands and I looked at him.
“Come on…let’s go.” He dangled the keys from his hands and I nodded,
“Okay.”
We stood there at the bridge, his dad’s car running in the background.
“You’re going to get in trouble.” I whispered to him, putting the vodka bottle to my lips. Gerard sighed softly,
“It doesn’t matter. I’m always in trouble.” Here we both stood. Two kids with a past and a future. I looked at him and felt the tears fall down my face.
“He told me to slow down, Ardy…” He looked at me, “I said, I can drive dad, relax. I looked over to smile at him…to reassure him and then…” I looked down at my hands shaking from fear, “Blood….there was so much blood, Gerard.” I dropped the bottle, letting it crash against the lifeless concrete. “I killed him! I DIDN’T LISTEN, GERARD! I JUST KEPT GOING FASTER AND HE DIED BECAUSE OF ME!”
“I thought that….your mom said he was in a coma.” I shook my head,
“She wants to believe that because it’s easier than the truth.” I walked to the railing of the bridge and watched my tears fall into the water down below. I just wanted to go. I never wanted to stop. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Not the band. Not my family. There was nothing stopping be from jumping over that bridge.
“Let’s go home now.” He said, guiding me away from it. I looked at him and nodded. Gerard had grabbed my wrist tenderly, but no matter how gently he touched it, it still throbbed with pain, that felt so alive.
“That hurts…” I said softly to him. He let go of my wrist immediately, looking at me with wild eyes.
“You aren’t.” He whispered at me, softly, “Please…tell me that you aren’t.” I nodded and got into the passenger side of the car.
“Fine. I won’t tell you that I am.” I looked strait ahead at the sky and crossed my arms across my chest. I saw a truck drive by slowly, and looked down at my legs. Gerard stormed to my side of the car, pulled me out and held my shoulders furiously.
“You’ve got to stop that!” He screamed at me. He was shaking me, as if that would help my comprehension. His eyes were clouded with anger and frustration. This would be the fifth time he told me to stop, “Raven….” I looked at him sadly, he never called me that…from the day he met me.
“Gerard…” I said, looking at him. He nodded at me and walked over to the shards of glass, picking one up.
“If you want to cut…go ahead. Here. Cut away. I’ll even sing to your cutting.” He said to me sarcastically.
“This isn’t funny, Gerard.”
“I’m not laughing. Fine if you won’t cut…I will.” He rolled up his sleeve and showed his pasty forearm to me.
“Please don’t.” I said to him. He looked at me and licked his lips. He took a deep breath, but my hand reached out to grab it from him. I threw it on the ground and glared at him, “Stop it!” He grabbed me again and slammed me against the car, harder this time.
“YOU STOP IT! Don’t you get it, Ras…” he whispered, while tears fell down his face, “you cut the wrong way one day and I’d never get to speak to you again. Only the memories.” His head lied on my shoulder, “I don’t want to die alone!” He cried, “Don’t you get it, Ras…” he looked at me, and his lips met mine. My eyes opened up wide as he backed away from me and whispered, “I love you.”
Something in my world bloomed that day. Something that will never be explained. Love is something that never came up in our relationship, Ardy’s and mine. Yes, I loved him. But I thought I loved like a sister loves a brother. But he, right now, just told me that he loved me.
Something in the traffic cleared up that day; it wasn’t the cosmos thanking me. It wasn’t anything trying to help me but…this boy. This pale, dark hair, rock band, boy. He was conducting my traffic. He was conducting my traffic from the start.
“Honey…please.” My mother cried, I rolled down my sleeve and stuck it under the bed. I opened the door to see my waterlogged mother. Her face will never smile like it once did. That stupid wal-mart smile that I hated. Right now, I’d give anything to put it back on her face. She stood there in front of me, cigarette in hand, and bottle of vodka in tow.
“Mom….I’m busy.”
“I KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING UP HERE! I’M NOT STUPID!” She screamed at me, I looked down at the ground and sighed,
“You need to stop drinking.” I took the vodka from her hands and brushed past her,
“Stop acting like you don’t care! Stop acting like you are stronger than me.”
“Mom…he’s dead.”
“HE’S IN A COMA!” She screamed at me, falling to her knees. Just right there, I noticed…how angelic she looked. The tears streaming down her face and she was on her knees. Screaming to something that doesn’t exist. Praying to something that isn’t there.
“And it’s my fault.” I whispered to her, walking out the door. There he was my dark guardian angel. How long have I known you; the days seemed to rush together like one. Nothing seeming very important. I looked at the bottle of vodka half filled in my hands and I looked at him.
“Come on…let’s go.” He dangled the keys from his hands and I nodded,
“Okay.”
We stood there at the bridge, his dad’s car running in the background.
“You’re going to get in trouble.” I whispered to him, putting the vodka bottle to my lips. Gerard sighed softly,
“It doesn’t matter. I’m always in trouble.” Here we both stood. Two kids with a past and a future. I looked at him and felt the tears fall down my face.
“He told me to slow down, Ardy…” He looked at me, “I said, I can drive dad, relax. I looked over to smile at him…to reassure him and then…” I looked down at my hands shaking from fear, “Blood….there was so much blood, Gerard.” I dropped the bottle, letting it crash against the lifeless concrete. “I killed him! I DIDN’T LISTEN, GERARD! I JUST KEPT GOING FASTER AND HE DIED BECAUSE OF ME!”
“I thought that….your mom said he was in a coma.” I shook my head,
“She wants to believe that because it’s easier than the truth.” I walked to the railing of the bridge and watched my tears fall into the water down below. I just wanted to go. I never wanted to stop. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Not the band. Not my family. There was nothing stopping be from jumping over that bridge.
“Let’s go home now.” He said, guiding me away from it. I looked at him and nodded. Gerard had grabbed my wrist tenderly, but no matter how gently he touched it, it still throbbed with pain, that felt so alive.
“That hurts…” I said softly to him. He let go of my wrist immediately, looking at me with wild eyes.
“You aren’t.” He whispered at me, softly, “Please…tell me that you aren’t.” I nodded and got into the passenger side of the car.
“Fine. I won’t tell you that I am.” I looked strait ahead at the sky and crossed my arms across my chest. I saw a truck drive by slowly, and looked down at my legs. Gerard stormed to my side of the car, pulled me out and held my shoulders furiously.
“You’ve got to stop that!” He screamed at me. He was shaking me, as if that would help my comprehension. His eyes were clouded with anger and frustration. This would be the fifth time he told me to stop, “Raven….” I looked at him sadly, he never called me that…from the day he met me.
“Gerard…” I said, looking at him. He nodded at me and walked over to the shards of glass, picking one up.
“If you want to cut…go ahead. Here. Cut away. I’ll even sing to your cutting.” He said to me sarcastically.
“This isn’t funny, Gerard.”
“I’m not laughing. Fine if you won’t cut…I will.” He rolled up his sleeve and showed his pasty forearm to me.
“Please don’t.” I said to him. He looked at me and licked his lips. He took a deep breath, but my hand reached out to grab it from him. I threw it on the ground and glared at him, “Stop it!” He grabbed me again and slammed me against the car, harder this time.
“YOU STOP IT! Don’t you get it, Ras…” he whispered, while tears fell down his face, “you cut the wrong way one day and I’d never get to speak to you again. Only the memories.” His head lied on my shoulder, “I don’t want to die alone!” He cried, “Don’t you get it, Ras…” he looked at me, and his lips met mine. My eyes opened up wide as he backed away from me and whispered, “I love you.”
Something in my world bloomed that day. Something that will never be explained. Love is something that never came up in our relationship, Ardy’s and mine. Yes, I loved him. But I thought I loved like a sister loves a brother. But he, right now, just told me that he loved me.
Something in the traffic cleared up that day; it wasn’t the cosmos thanking me. It wasn’t anything trying to help me but…this boy. This pale, dark hair, rock band, boy. He was conducting my traffic. He was conducting my traffic from the start.