Looking For Misery

Pat laid on his and John's bed staring at the bright TV screen. All the guys left shortly after John did, all but Kennedy. He stayed behind knowing John lied when he said Pat was sleeping. He sat on the couch watching television although he wasn't paying much attention to it. He was waiting for John to come and watch over Pat, because right now Pat needed that. Every few minutes Kennedy would walk by the bedroom pressing his ear to the door hearing Pat's sniffing or shuffling on the bed meaning he wasn't asleep or worse, dead.

At midnight the front opened and John stepped in. His face was blotchy and his eyes red and puffy showing he had been crying. John entered his and Pat's apartment not expecting to see Kennedy sitting on the couch. He glared at the man before dropping his keys on the coffee table. "Why are you here?" John asked taking his coat off.

"Everyone left and you weren't here so I stayed behind to make sure nothing happened to Pat." Kennedy explained standing up grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch. "But not that your back I should go." Kennedy mumbled heading to the door, but he was stopped when John reached for his hand. Kennedy turn to him noticing the tears falling from John's eyes.

"Do y-you love him?" John asked in a pain whispered.

Kennedy looked down to the floor before glancing to John once more. It was clear that John was hurting over the situation and Kennedy didn't want to make it worse by confessing his love to the boyfriend of Pat. "No, never did never will." Kennedy mumbled not matter how much it hurt him to say those words. He took a deep breath and rested his hands on John's shoulders that were trembling. "Don't worry John, Ok." He whispered smiling at the crying man that never cries so easily.

John nodded and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I'm j-just scared I'll l-lose him." John mumbled as Kennedy embraced him in a hug. "I l-love him, I really do." John cried onto Kennedy's shoulder.

Kennedy felt a few tears escape from his eyes and quickly wiped them away, "I know." Kennedy sighed rubbing John's back soothingly.

Pat was hiding in the hallway listening as John poured out his heart to the man he should be hating. Pat ran his hands through his hair as he listened to John crying, he could feel his heart break because when John cries it hurts. It hurts to hear. Pat could feel his own tears slide from his eyes and quickly wiped them away before bringing himself to his feet.

"Do y-you love him?" he heard John asking and he stopped and decided maybe he should wait and listen to Kennedy's reply.

"No, never did never will."

Pat stood there in the middle of the hall way, Kennedy's words ringing in his ears. Never did never will.

Pat took a shaky breath and pushed opened the door to the bedroom and walked in, lightly closing it behind him. His head was spinning and his mind racing. Kennedy never loved him, so why is he still sulking over Kennedy? Why doesn't he just give him up? Get over him.

Pat laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, why is he torturing himself? Why is he still in love with a lost cause?

That night, Pat decided John deserved every ounce of his love.