Apple Crumble

"Zack told me the apple crumble in here was delicious, but look how freakin' much there is!"

Alex sighed, knowing what the other boy was suggesting to him. It had been an icy day as the pair walked around the city, slipping in and out of stores and buildings to prepare for the holiday. It was a tradition that Jack and Alex went Christmas shopping together, but this year, Alex had done too much growing up and the magic was starting to fade.

Jack, distracted by the many bags of gifts, did not notice the lack of focus in Alex's eyes, and sat himself down in the beaten chair opposite after setting his own coffee on his place mat, and Alex's on the other. He lifted his now free hand to sweep his dark hair from his eyes, and looked expectantly up at Alex while holding a piping hot plate.

"Don't worry, Jack. We'll just share the dessert, like we always do."

Jack's shoulders relaxed, and he grinned as he set the plate onto the table, taking great care that it was positioned in the exact centre. A vocal person while socializing, Jack began to talk as soon as he had settled himself.

"Well, Alex, are you excited for Christmas yet?" Jack asked, wide eyed and beaming, but Alex didn't even have to look up to know that Jack was wearing an expression of pure happiness. Jack was like this every Christmas - excitable, bubbly and infectious in his holiday spirit. Despite any slippery starts or bad memories, Jack always pushed Alex back into loving Christmas in the end.

This year, Alex didn't know how to react. He felt sick all the time, a combination of being overworked and emotionally drained. The tense, dull hours to be spent locked in with his family were not well anticipated, and the presents had started to lose their novelty now he was making money of his own. Christmas had become a time of waste. It was a waste to decorate a tree just to take it down, it was a waste to buy presents just for them to be thrown out, and it was a waste to celebrate when it was just one stupid, irrelevant day in December. Alex wasn't even religious, for goodness' sake.

In Alex's eyes, Christmas was just another thing he had to pretend to give a shit about.

But Jack's smile was like sunshine, and Alex bit his tongue and tried a white lie.

"A bit."

Jack raised an eyebrow instantly, looking up at Alex with an expression of confusion.

"Just a bit? Like, just a bit, not a lot?" he asked, incredulous, "Well, I'm looking forward to it! I've made sure I've bought presents for every single person I know, and I'm gonna get to wrapping them all tonight in this really pretty wrapping paper... Wait, you were there when I bought it! I'm gonna wrap your present in the red and green paper with the snowman, the one you picked out. But I'm not telling you what I've got you, it's gonna be a huge surprise, Lex!'

Alex laughed, but only because he was trying to keep Jack his state of blissful happiness. Alex loved when Jack was like this, he admired the way Jack was so passionate about the things he loved, and maybe Alex was a little jealous that he couldn't feel the same emotions. Nodding in agreement to words he wanted to deny, Alex tried to recall the afternoon, and the moment where he and Jack had chosen wrapping paper.

He couldn't.

He couldn't pick together a single detail, not even the name of the shop or the shade of the paper, or even Jack's face as they swung in his decision between a handful of different designs. Christmas had numbed Alex, tired him out to the point where he had started to blockade a day with his best friend from his own memory.

"Thanks, Jack," I smiled, trying not to grimace, after a long pause, "I'm excited for the big day."

Jack ran his hands through the tangles in the back of his hair, smiling back, but unlike Alex, he was wearing a genuine smile. He looked a little hurt, but this was hardly noticeable, and he kept the smile as he scooped another small spoonful of warm apple crumble into his mouth.

"It's the twenty-first today, there's not long to go," Jack replied distractedly, "But Alex, I really do hope you enjoy my present, and that you enjoy Christmas itself. Do you know why I love Christmas so much? Do you know why it makes me so happy?"

Alex hesitated, expecting a childish, cheesy answer.

"No," he mused, "Go on then."

Jack smirked a little, a strange sight to see on the face of someone so usually open and innocent, and shook his head, looking back down at the table.

"Not yet, Alex."

***

It was Christmas morning, and the light streaming through the windowpanes was much too bright for Alex's liking. Resigned to the fact that everybody was awake and excitable, Alex rolled out of bed and onto the carpet, sitting himself awkwardly upright.

The first thing he noticed after rubbing his eyes was a small white envelope on the dresser. It was unusual for Alex to receive any presents or cards first thing on Christmas morning, because as he had grown out of Santa several years ago, most of his presents were under the tree. Alex grinned to himself, feeling strangely triumphant as he realized how good it felt to find a surprise on Christmas morning.

The envelope didn't seem to contain a card, as it was too floppy, and as Alex read the names scribbled on the surface, he realized he had received a letter.

"To Alex,

I hope you remember the twenty-first of December, because that was a good day for me. We went shopping together, and then we hung out in the little coffee shop downtown that Zack had recommended to me. We shared a plate of apple crumble, which started off too hot and ended up too cold to eat, and we both drank a caramel latte. I remember that day because it smelled so good, a combination of both the foods and the Christmas atmosphere, and we began to talk about Christmas, didn't we, Alex? It was a happy, bright day, but it would have been happier if you weren't so sad. You're always sad, Alex, and that's why I'm like this, because I'm trying to be the kind of happy you think you can't be.

So here I am, on Christmas Day, and I'm finally going to explain to you just what Christmas means to me, so please just bear with me for a little bit.

For me, Christmas is about taking the time out of our own lives to make other people happy, and to feel completely content in the company of those you value the most in the world. It's about buying the presents not because of their value, but because of the smiles they bring to peoples' faces, and about cooking the Christmas dinner not to eat, but to sit around a communal table chatting and laughing.

Christmas is about being crazy, childish and carefree. It's a day without responsibility, and that's the way we grew up together, and all of those days were beautiful ones, Alex. I've kept those sparks of my personality, and I know that if I can bring enough sunshine in to make you happy, I'm happy too.

It's about knowing the little bit of preparation you've put into your best friend's Christmas present is going to place the widest grin on his face, and it's about the way you almost cry from happiness when he gives you his famous bone-crushing hug. It's about showing people that you know them inside out, you know their pet peeves and their little quirks, you know what they want and what they don't. It's about showing them that you know how to make them feel unbelievably loved first thing on Christmas morning.

Well, Alex? Do you feel unbelievably loved right now, as you sit on the dusty carpet of your parents' house on the twenty-fifth day of December?

Well, you should. But you're not just loved by me, you're loved by everyone around you, and I want you to fold this letter up and put it in your left pocket, then walk down the stairs and into the front room.

It's going to be full of people that are excited to see you, Alex, but don't worry.

Just enjoy it.

Love, Jack."

Alex blinked the hints of tears from his eyes, and folded the letter into quarters, and slipped it in the left pocket of his pajamas.