Drowning in Sorrow

The hospital room’s white. Too white. Too crude. Too bare. Too abacterial. Too clean.
But Jack just sits there. Holding the hand of his best friend since childhood and his boyfriend for nearly a month with his left hand and caressing his cheek with his right.
Alex looks so fragile, so vulnerable, while he lies in this hospital bed. He’s still sleeping, but even in his sleep his face’s so full of pain and sorrow. His skin’s white as winter, his cheeks sunken in, lips pale but his eyelids are of a deep violet.
He breathes shallow and slow in his sleep.
And all Jack wants to do is lay his head on the mattress and cry. Nothing more and nothing less, because he knows that Alex will never be the same. That he might drown in his own shame and guilt. And Jack can’t stand this thought. It’s too much for him. Too much to take.
But he must not cry. He has to be strong for Alex. For them both.
This time he has to be the stronger part in their relationship, even if it’s too much to take. Even if this is going to break him too.
Alex needs him and Jack knows this. And there’s no way he’s letting Alex down.
So he is just sitting there, holding Alex’ hand and asking himself, why all this had to happen.
When everything started to go wrong?
Everything started when his phone had buzzed at 2a.m in the morning and he had answered the call more than pissed.
But all his anger had gone when Alex’ hysterical sobs had reached his ear. Jack hadn’t been able to understand a clear word, because Alex had sobbed and cried, while trying to form proper words and telling him what was wrong.
But the moment the words “Jack, I’m pregnant” had reached his mind, Jack’s heart had almost skipped a beat.
And Alex had, still crying, told him what had happened.
Beginning with this party he had gone to almost three months ago. This meaningless fuck he had had with a guy he didn’t even know the name. And ending with the morning sickness he had had for the last two weeks.
That his parents would kill him if they found out about his pregnancy and that he needed good grades to study music and that graduating high-school in nearly a year wouldn’t work if he would have a baby in nearly six months.
And now they’re here. In a hospital room and Alex had done something he had never wanted to do in his entire lifetime.
“Jack?” Alex’ hoarse voice pulls him out of his thoughts and the moment he looks into Alex’ eyes, Jack sees the tears welling up.
“It’s gone.” Alex whispers and the next moment he bursts into tears. Immediately Jack’s up from his chair and beside Alex in his bed. Carefully he embraces his boyfriend, placing tender kisses to Alex forehead.
“I feel so empty Jack.” Alex sobs. “And I hate myself so much for what I’ve done”
Jack doesn’t know what to say, there are no words to make Alex feel better or to calm him down and so Jack doesn’t say a thing. He just holds Alex near, stroking his back fondly and continues to place kisses on his forehead and his hair.
And the truth is that Alex won’t feel better for a long period of time and that’s something Jack knows and it breaks his heart.