Caught Up In You

March 31st, 2012
Saturday Morning
Drake’s Room
7:45 AM

It was strange thinking that within just a couple of minutes of talking to Drake and realizing I had feelings for him, I had already decided that I was willing to sleep with him. But when Pacey and I had dated, I was never even close to being ready.

I hated myself for comparing the two of them. Drake and Pacey were two completely different people. It wasn’t fair for me to weigh their similarities and disparities. But no matter how hard I attempted to stop thinking about the two of them, I couldn’t. At the time, they were the two most important people to me, and I had screwed everything up between one of them.

So even if I did like Drake, I knew I couldn’t start a relationship with him. If we were to break up, things would never be the same between us. And he was my brother’s best friend. It wasn’t like I could just push him off the edge of the earth and completely forget about him.

But when I thought about it, I was already on the path to destruction. I wasn’t making clear decisions and I slept with Drake. He wasn’t one of those guys where there were no connections. I met him through my brother. Therefore, if I were to tell Drake I didn’t want to date him, he would be angry, and then I would have screwed up everything between both of the most important people to me.

On one hand, I had the possibility of beginning a new relationship. I could forget about Pacey and learn to move on. After all, he made me happy, and I was always myself around him. However, Pacey would learn of our relationship and never forgive me. I didn’t know if I could handle that.

But on the other, I could disregard the night I slept with Drake and move on. There would be no drama with Pacey and it wouldn’t be awkward. I could travel on the path to earning Pacey’s compassion and reconciliation. Nonetheless, Drake would definitely not accept my choice. We would probably never be able to have a civil, cooperative conversation again.

Either way, I was going to lose someone.

~~*~~
The sunlight was shining brightly in multicolored rays when I woke up in Drake’s arms. I covered my face for a couple of seconds before getting used to the light.

At first I was confused, wondering why I was in someone else’s room and why I was with some strange boy, lying naked. But when my mind was cleared, I finally recollected all of the events of last night. Smiling to myself, I reached my hand up to Drake’s forehead and swept the rich chestnut hair out of his face gracefully with my fingertips. He fidgeted lightly, and I assumed he was just sleeping. But after a couple of seconds, a giant grin spread across his face, and I knew he was thinking of what had happened the night prior.

“Good morning,” I said, resting my hand on his chest. This was still so new, unknown, and foreign. Drake always made me smile, laugh, and I could never stay angry at him. He just had that effect on me. But he was the boy I had known forever. He was the boy next door. He was the boy that I dreamed about, never thinking that those fantasies would actually come true. And for some reason, it haunted me.

I didn’t think I’d ever get used to waking up to him.

“Hello,” he said, chuckling slightly. I could hear the gruffness of his voice, and it was so alluring, so enthralling, so captivating. The smirk in his enunciation was clear, and I just wanted to wrap myself in and around it, and listen to him speak forever. How he spoke was just so calming and irresistible. I didn’t realize it before, but I was entwined with it now.

Drake noticed that I had been staring at him for quite some time. He raised his eyebrow curiously, with a little bit of arrogance, and pulled me closer to him.

He kissed me then, enabling me to fulfill my never ending hunger I seemed to have. His kisses were different than Pacey’s. Silkier, kinder. He was less aggressive. I had never understood how genuine and sincere he was until I kissed him. His lips were incredibly fresh. And I could honestly say I had never felt the emotions I had until he caressed me, held me, touched me.

Unlike how it had been with Pacey, Drake never became forceful or assertive. He made sure I was comfortable and didn’t rush anything. Even if his hormones got in the way, he would always pull away for a few seconds and see if I approved.

And the main fascination I had with Drake is he never looked at me with lust or hormonal desires.

We didn’t sleep together because of our sexual attraction, but because of the built up tension over the years. I never guessed it, but something was always there. And it would always be there.

I ran my frosty fingers over his chest and down his stomach, and I felt as he shivered and tensed up. His lips turned into a smile, and it was sort of difficult to kiss him. I moved my lips past his and around his jawline. He sucked in a breath, wrapping one of his sturdy arms around my waist, luring me on top of his body.

My lips relaxed against the side of his neck as I trailed upwards. When my mouth reached Drake’s ear, he trembled softly before laughing and moving my face to his. Our faces were inches apart, and I could see the purity in his eyes, the adoration. I was almost surprised that he had slept with me. Drake just didn’t seem like that kind of guy.

His brown eyes gazed at me. And in that moment, all I could see was perfection. His smile, his glances, his beautiful voice. It all sent butterflies through my stomach, and they wouldn’t go away. I wanted to kiss him again. To touch him again. To be with him again. But he stopped and watched me for several seconds before clearing his throat.

“Um, so what are your roommates going to think?” Drake asked. I knew he meant Pacey, he just didn’t want to bring that name up.

“They’re not going to know,” I said ignorantly. But Drake gave me a semi-worried look and draped his arms cozily around me. I moved my body down a couple of inches and rested my head on his chest.

“Drew, you were gone all night. They’re going to know something’s up,” Drake said seriously. I didn’t want to believe him though. If Pacey found out, he’d probably never talk to me again.

“I can just say I passed out on your couch and your roommates weren’t here,” I said. But then he raised his eyebrows as if that was a stupid response. And although it was, I had no other choice but to lie. I couldn’t even tell Logan or Tristan, because they weren’t very good at keeping secrets.

“Drew, come on. Think realistically,” he articulated, his thick, husky voice echoing throughout my mind.

“What am I going to say!? I can’t just tell them I slept in your room. They’ll get the hint,” I grumbled, rolling off of him.

“Just tell them the truth. You don’t have to let them know we slept together, but everything else,” he clarified. I sighed, accepting the inevitable defeat.

“Fine. But I slept on the floor,” I said, getting out of his bed and collecting my clothes.

It was the first time I wasn’t self-conscious about my body. I didn’t understand why at the time, but it was ultimately because Drake made me feel confident and beautiful. And why would he not? He was sweet and wasn’t a pig like many of the guys I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting.

And when I set my garments on Drake’s bed, I looked at his eyes and realized he hadn’t glanced at my body. Some people may have said that that meant he wasn’t attracted to me. But I knew Drake. It was because he wanted to gain my trust and respect.

We talked for numerous minutes before I got dressed and decided it was time to leave. I wanted to get out of his dorm before his roommates found me. But I had one last question roaming through my obnoxiously clueless mind.

“Drake?” I said as he opened the door for me. He smiled at me and reassured me that I could ask him anything.

“What does this mean for us?” I asked him.

His face dropped quickly as he pondered over my query. I didn’t even know what was going to happen to us. I had thought about it all night, but I had come to a fork in the road.

“Well, I mean, I’d like for us to be more than…this,” he paused. “However, you’re going through that situation with Pacey, and I know you need time.”

That was why Drake and I got along so well. He was so understanding and sympathetic.

I smiled at him, said my goodbyes, and walked away.

I had so much to think about.

This was not going to be a fun weekend.