Status: Live

Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

Chapter 13: Agony Aunt

”If you’re calling to tell me you’re ’calling from inside the house’, it’s about as frightening as men in tights.” Milly quipped, answering her cell phone with amusement after she saw the caller, ”Why are you calling me from inside my house, Bam?”

”Everyone has fucking disappeared. Where are you?” he asked, a mixture of concern and annoyance in his tone.

”Down by the pool.” she ended the call and set her phone down next to her curled leg. Her pool area was probably the favourite area of her house besides the kitchen. It was a tranquil, almost fairy tale like carved stone pool; the water looked azure turquoise thanks to the elaborate balance of forest green, indigo and electric blue mosaiqued tiles, partnered with a dazzling green water light opposite a colourless lamp under the water. Beautiful large trees enclosed the area, making it a serene secret garden for relaxing and entertaining.

”Dude, I haven’t been down here at night... It’s so.. sexy.” Bam reveled, unable to find a better word for how pretty it was. Milly chuckled and closed her laptop. ”Where is everyone?” he asked, sitting on the lounger next to hers before pulling a beer from one of his pockets and offering it to her. She accepted it with thanks and twisted the top off, dropping it into the ashtray on the ground.

”Seppo just flew in, so they’re taking to show him what they’ve got so far at the studio.”

”Seth go with ’em?” he asked, obviously wondering if Seth’s snotty attitude with Milly extended to the band as well. She swallowed her mouthful of beer and cleared her throat.

”Uhuh.”

”Hm.” he remarked. She cocked her head questioningly.

”What?”

”Oh, nothing..” he said with a pout, ”So, what’s with you and S-bag anyway? I’ve known him years, always thought he was with some douche bag hippy chick.. That’s always what he went for and you’re definitely not a hippy chick.” she laughed.

”So, I am a douche bag?”

”Well, maybe not a ’douche bag’ per sei...”

”Bam!”

”Douche purse?” she hit his arm with a chuckle.

”I am not a douche anything! I let you stay in my home, play with my awesome kid, I cook you delicious food!”

”Okay, okay.. Best douche purse, ever.” he laughed heartily, swatting her away from smacking his jokingly, ”But seriously though, not that there’s anything wrong with the dude, but why go with my El Vagabond buddy Seth? Especially after being with the ever romantic Ville for so long, weren’t you guys like, the ultimate perfect fit couple ever..?”

”Bam, there’s something you have to understand about Ville,” she sighed, running her thumb over the lip of her bottle, ”He’s got a lot of spite buried under that ethereal-romantic top level, a lot of spite and a lot of rage. He is an old tormented soul, he always has been, it’s just him. But when that boils over, and believe me, it really fucking bubbles over, it’s scary. In that volatile state he spits malice and venom and you just don’t know what to do...”

”Fight back?”

”That was the problem with us. We were - we are – passionate people, the only thing you can do in the face of adversity is fight back and I did. We did everything wrong by the end.”

”So why didn’t you end it?”

”I was going to talk to him.. I was trying to build up the courage and also find the perfect moment to do so to avoid shouting and yelling, so I avoided him somewhat for a while, which as you know led to him- doing what he did. But in that time I found out I was pregnant and suddenly everything just seemed okay, like, that was the moment that all our fighting was leading to - something real that would keep us grounded and keep us together, something for both of us, the result of our passion.”

”And then you found..? Right.” he nodded, not needing to finish his sentence.

”So, I have Oscar then I meet this guy and he’s sweet and simple and easy to read, just a real easy going cowboy I guess.. He loves his vintage car and his aviators he found at the bus stop outside The Roxy the very first time he went. He hates catching planes and he just wants a quiet life doing his own thing..”

”Grounded.”

”In a physical sense, yeah. He had this stability that I never had with Ville and I wanted that, I needed that, for my son.”

”Why the past tense, dude. You don’t want or need it anymore?”

”It’s not that I don’t want or need it, I just.. miss it. I’ve left California for two days, to go to Boston, since I moved here because Seth doesn’t like to travel. I miss my home, I miss wearing a coat, I miss snow, I even miss airports. I sometimes feel so trapped here that I just go to Gwen’s house and cry. I love my life, I do, I’m so lucky.. But, it’s so different to my old life, Bam.”

”What do you regret most?” Bam asked, inquisitively.

”Not telling Ville I was having his baby.”

”Why?” she ran her hand over her forehead nervously, she felt like she was being interrogated.

”What are you, my agony aunt?!”

”Sure.” he shrugged, ”It’s good to get things off your chest. I’ll even talk to you about some stuff for a female perspective after if you like...” he chuckled. ”So, why?”

”Up until you turned up here, it was purely selfish reasons, now... I feel like the worst mother ever. I’ve taken away a part of each of their lives that they’ll never get back. I’ve deprived two people of a natural born right to bond from birth.”

”What were the selfish reasons?”

”Life, I guess. Being able to stay in my friend group, being able to have my support group of established friends and of course my family there to give me a break to just be me every once in a while. All I’ve been is Mum and partner and designer for three years. I almost forget what I was like!”

”I remember what you were like! Shy sober, fucking rad-balls-tastic wasted!” he said with gusto, clinking his bottle against hers.

”We hung out maybe twice and I only remember because of some awful video recordings and the photos.”

”We hung out on at least... seven occasions.” he said rolling his eyes back to indicate thinking.

”We barely knew our own names, I’ve seen the footage!” she said, shaking her head in humoured embarrassment, ”I wish I could remember it properly. Every time you were in town, I remember being really cautious of you whenever we were in proximity to you whilst I was sober, in fact I made it a point to avoid you!”

”Why?!”

”Fear for my life? You always had that bloody camera crew and a bunch of rowdy men with you. Being drunk was the only way I could deal with the madness every time you whirled through Helsinki.”

”Good times!”

”Hazy times.”

”I wish we had gotten to know each other better all those times.”

”We’d have had to have not consumed every drink that crossed our paths.”

”Yeah.. Fuck that.” she laughed at his dismissal of the notion.

”Well, we’re firm friends now. I have to admit, I will miss you after you leave next week.”

”I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.” he said, shuffling himself into a more comfortable position, ”My consultation, it kinda needs to happen in Pennsylvania.”

”What?” she asked, confused.

”I need some shit done at The Note, I want you to do it.”

”Bam, you’ve no idea of my capabilities as a designer... You might hate what I do.”

”No way. I’ve seen your books, as far as I’m concerned, you’re hired.” he said decidedly.

”Bam, I-” she started in protest, she couldn’t just up and fly across the country to work on his bar, she had commitments; her business, her family, her sanity. He pressed his finger to his lips, harshly.

”No arguments.”

”Bu-”

”No. Arguments.” he death stared her, not once blinking, until she seemed to relent, he dropped his finger and positioned himself back down into the cushions, ”Bring the sprog. Mum will go bat shit over a toddler as Jesse’s kids are older now. Free babysitting!” It was tempting, she hadn’t left California in well over two years. ”Fuck, you just said you wanted to get away. Dude, it's one week away, tops! Come on!” he noticed her thinking it over, but didn’t want her thinking too much as it ruined the spontaneity of the notion, ”Just say yes, please. I don’t want anyone else fucking it up, I trust you.”

”Bam...” she sighed. She would have to talk about this with Seth, find someone to take her meetings for her, arrange someone to look after the house.

”Please.” Then she thought about all the stress she’d dealt with recently and how she had been desperately wanting to get away; Oscar had never left California and it would be nice to spend some quality time with him...

”Yes. Okay. Yes, I’ll do it.”

”Fuck yeah!” she raised her hand to indicate that he shouldn’t celebrate so quickly.

”On one, no two, conditions...”

”Fire away.”

”One: I’m doing this as a working holiday; I love my job Bam, but my son is coming and he comes first. If he’s sick or just wants a day with his Mum, he is my first priority.”

”Done. Of course.”

”Two: You don’t get any input after the consultation, okay. I want free reign to make it as amazing as I possibly can for you, I just want to relax and have fun with a project without fear of being fired.”

”Millhouse, you got yourself a mother-fucking-deal. To drinking on the job!” he cheers’d excitedly. She could already tell, by the nickname he had comically given her alone, that this working holiday may not include much working but just might be exactly what she needed.
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